Oh Canada?

I know it's cold. But get out there, get off your ass, and go vote. If you don't, you lose all bitching rights til the next time (which hopefully will be in two years, thanks to a minority gov't.) In any case, if you don't vote, we get to send you for a little time out in Nunavut.

Unless you're in Nunavut, in which case you're going to have to go to Vancouver. Seriously. Vancouver. Come on. Ask yourself: is it really worth it? Vancouver. Seriously. You'll have to deal with all of them. Oh, yes, I said it, bitch. It's on.

Vote. Yes, the system is screwed up. Yes, the choices are all lackluster. But sometimes even when the choice is turd sandwich and giant douche, you still have to step up.

If I can go to the trouble to do the rigamarole of voting from South Africa (which I did in 2004,) You can walk down to the legion hall or grade school. Bring I.D. if you don't have your voter card. Now git.

On 24

Still up to my eyeballs. I've got reality, I've got historical drama, I've got a pitch meeting for a cartoon, and I got Broken Social Scene tickets for Friday Night. What you got?

Here's something else I got that you should get, too:

Slate's interview with one of the writers of 24, Michael Loceff.

Wonder about torture porn? Cheating real time? Anything else? Go read. My favorite bit:

We do have an investment in plausibility. We've hired writers who have done heavy research in espionage and anti-terrorism and worked with the government. And we've met with consultants from the intelligence community and other parts of the government, just to help stir up ideas and help us come up with something that seems compelling. But I think ultimately what makes the show is not the reality but the drama. Joel and Bob approach 24 the way they have always approached dramatic television: They've approached it with the idea that the drama is, in the end, more important than the factual aspect of the story. Joel in particular is really good at ignoring reality when it's convenient.

For years, I interacted regularly with Sci Fi fans at the Space channel, who are pretty much the antithesis of the regular tv viewer, because they watched stuff looking for Fridge Logic issues. (Fridge Logic is the stuff you can get hung up on in the room that doesn't matter because no one will care until they're standing at the fridge a half hour after the show's over going, "hey, could Jack Bauer really have run down those steps in twenty seconds?" )

Sci Fi fans -- or a great rollicking portion of them, anyway -- live for fridge logic. It's not enough that it's a transporter. How does it work?

The TWOP haters are famous for that, too.

It's one of the reasons why Shatner was right.

Going Fishing

Blogging will be light over the next several days, as I've got a biggo writing deadline, coupled with a quickie production job in ... reality TV ... shudder.

See y'all on the other side.

Relax. He's Really Good At This.

Well, they don't disappoint, do those 24 people.
Best act-outs on TV. Bar none.
Tink-tink-tink-tink-tink.

Man, I've missed those notes.
All that and Connie Britton too?
Jack Bauer puts the mmm in Terrorismmm.

Mickey Mouse Has Grown Up a Cow

One of the nice things about being a television writer is that sitting on your couch watching TV actually, no fooling, counts as research.

Now there are two types of writers I know. The first, and I think more prevalent type, are the ones who try to avoid watching anything similar when they're writing a script. A friend of mine who was developing a show about male friends avoided watching Entourage til his show was solid. If you're writing a cop show, you don't watch CSI or Law & Order, because you don't want to be influenced.

This kind of self-censorship, by the way, is way easier than actually trying to remember where your ideas come from. If you're aware of your ideas flowing, I find the spigot tends to get all crusty. And nobody wants a crusty spigot. There's a cream for that, but it smells kind of bad.

The easiest stories of unintentional influence come in the songwriting realm. A few years ago, the Stones settled because they unknowingly wrote a song that had more than a passing reference to the chord changes in a k.d. lang song...they settled becuase they thought, "yup, that probably did influence us." Not stole, understand. Influenced.

There was a similar thing years ago between Robert Palmer and Rod Stewart. Palmer recorded a song that sounded a whole lot like Rod's "Some Guys Have All the Luck," which, it turned out, was being recorded in the studio next door while Palmer was working there... the point is, the hyper-awareness of your creative process and "where things come from" is the first thing you have to let go of when you do this a lot. Because otherwise you'll go nuts before you ever get anything down on paper.

Every year I hear from some spec monkey about how their 'great idea' was stolen by so-and-so...never mind that the idea was a logical extension of what was in the news, or on the bestseller lists, or utterly derivative of something else... anyway, the point is that creativity and idea-generation cannot be a self-conscious exercise. And for some, when you're in that state, you can be highly suggestible. So those types tend to avoid similar stuff when they're creating.

I said there were two types of writers, and there are. I'm the second type. I love watching similar stuff when I'm working. Because you can find similarities in the strangest places, and strangest contexts. I find it makes me think about my own ideas in a different way -- and I don't really (or at least I don't think I do) become confused or hungup on what's coming from me and what's from them. I think that's because when I'm generating ideas and working them out, I can't really do anything else. I can barely read a Newspaper. But when things are banged into semi-coherent shape, I find that what helps me most is to watch things that have a similar element, but a vastly different treatment. It's almost like keeping yourself on the work track, while still being able to relax. Call it "recreationally staying in the wheelhouse."

One of my current projects is a show about a character in two eras. We play the story of the younger man in the 1960's against the story of him today in the 21st century, as an old man. Naturally, there's a mystery: something that happened then is having an effect now. And so on and so forth.

This script has been a real bear. I've done two of three episodes now, and the show's changed many times in development, as the broadcaster's vision of what they wanted evolved. At this point, I'm probably nine months into development on this, off and on...and it's easily the hardest thing I did in 2005.

So I eagerly and giddily tucked into a new BBC drama the other night. It's a show that I obtained through my highly placed TV monkey sources. I don't believe it's been on here yet. My guess is when it comes over to these shores, it'll likely show up on BBC America and BBC Canada.

Anyway, here's the premise of Life On Mars. Sam Tyler is a Detective Chief Inspector with the Manchester police force. They're chasing a serial killer. They get the wrong guy. His girlfriend, one of the other cops on the force, he's having an affair with her, see? And she has this idea that the suspect can lead them to the real killer, and...well, she gets nicked. And Sam is trying to collect himself, calm down, on the side of the road, see? And his Ipod is playing David Bowie's Life on Mars.

Then Sam steps out in the street and gets mowed down by a car.

When he wakes up, he's in 1973. His wallet says, Sam Tyler...he's a Detective Inspector, not a Chief Inspector. The highway he was beside hasn't been built yet. He wanders to the police station and finds a bunch of unrestructured, thug cops. There's no DNA testing...no computers, no mobile phones. Getting prints analysed takes two weeks. Everything's on Paper files.

What the hell is going on?

Through the course of the narrative, there's not just the fish out of water stuff, but there's also the ambiguous hints that , hey, is Sam in a coma inventing all this? Or did he somehow really travel back to 1973? There's evidence for both sides. What is true is that the case he was following in 2006 seems to have a connection here. But to follow that lead, he's going to need to convince his less sophisticated cop brethren to see through their swagger and embrace some new methods...like, oh, trusting women and stuff. Top performances from John Simm and Philip Gleinster.

The description doesn't make it sound like the best thing ever. But there's something haunting and terribly, terribly inventive about this show. For all the fooferal over Threshold and Invasion and the return of Sci Fi to tv -- Life On Mars is easily the trippiest and most compelling time travel thing I've seen in a while. A nice subversion of a lot of different genres and storytelling tropes...Life On Mars has more than a bit of Potter's amazing Singing Detective to it. There are seven more episodes to come. And I'll be looking forward to all of them.

And maybe they'll inspire me to return to my dual-era show with new vigour.

The Life On Mars site at BBC is here.

Jacks or Better...

Four Kings tonight?

Not bad. Watchable. Ladies and gentlemen, meet the rule of three.

That's why, much to my chagrin, most of the time I will always give a show a second chance. Especially when it comes from the pedigree of those guys.

I still don't know if it will play over time, but I found the characters more likable and the situation less forced tonight. I still don't see how you get 22. But at least I laughed.

Not John Stewart laughed, but still.

By the way, anyone who writes a spec script without taping and logging three episodes first is a poopy weakling.

Macallan 25

That's what Daddy gets to have every time he ships out a 1st draft.

Just one.

Sherry Wood.

Daddy is happy.

Stop the meme, I want to get off.

So I guess the meme is winding down, but there was a wrinkle when someone posted a challenge about, "what's your favorite line that you've written?"

I find these days I have trouble remembering scripts once they ship out the door. Quite to the contrary of every standup I've ever worked with, who'll claim every line like it was birthed from their own loins, I tend to forget (in a production room) what I wrote and what the room came up with. For instance, I no longer have any clear idea what the hell I wrote or came up with on Charlie Jade. I think this is a delightful coping strategy.

However, I've been doing mostly development lately. And in the end the lines you love most, I think, are the ones that make you laugh. Sometimes against all reason.

In one of my recent comedy pilots, a group of students in residence throw a Canadian Thanksgiving. Through hijinks, two of the characters wind up having to deep fry a turkey. Amidst discussions of the (not inconsiderable) danger involved, one comes across something he's never seen. The character, TED, is a sweet Inuit guy who's in his fifth year of undergrad. He asks his friend if he's ever heard of a "turducken," the famous turkey stuffed with a duck, stuffed with a chicken. Then he comments:

If someone showed up in my village with a bird like that...we’d have made him a shaman.

I don't know. That just makes me laugh. And that's why I started in this silly business anyway.

Now, I just hope the network greenlights me.

Tagged!

Well, the Mad Pulp Bastard Bill Cunningham tagged me with a Fun Joel meme, and because I'm self-involved and procrastinating and a little hungover I have no choice but to follow blindly, just as I always did in the schoolyard. Here's the deal...

What was your earliest film-related memory?

I have a vague and happy recollection of being taken to the animated Disney version of Robin Hood, at a theater in New City, New York, where we moved after we decamped from the Bronx, and where I lived til the end of 1st grade. It was a theater in the same plaza as a Stop & Shop and the Bradlees. The other early film memory I have is when we moved to Florida. Disney had this thing where they would show movies in one of the Hotels of Walt Disney World. My Dad would get the tip on what hotel they were showing in and we, as a family, would crash. The only downside was you never knew which movie would be showing. I think I saw Darby O'Gill and the Little People three times. Is that why Sean Connery makes me want to cry? Or is it Zardoz? I can't figure for sure.

Name two favorite lines from movies:

"You know, Rick, I have many a friend in Casablanca, but somehow, just because you despise me, you are the only one I trust." - Peter Lorre in Casablanca

"I want more life...fucker." -Rutger Hauer in Blade Runner

Jobs You'd Do if You Could Not Work In "The Biz":

-Sadly....lawyer.
-Disaffected Record Store Employee
-Marine Biologist. Fuck, I don't know. What do you mean, if I couldn't work in the Biz? I was a TV producer for ten years and was pretty good at that. Too bad about the hating it.

Name four jobs you have actually held outside The Industry.

-washed soft drink syrup tanks in the 7up plant. It was The Death of Hope.
-Video Store Clerk; Yes, I was Randall from Clerks.
-Sold ads in a "business directory" for a shady type. Lasted two weeks.
-helped produce and write a corporate video for the CAW. Look for the union label.

Three book authors I like:

John Irving. Nick Hornby. Chuck Klosterman.

Name two movies you would like to remake or properties you'd like to adapt:

A book: The Republic of Love by Carol Shields. Deepa Mehta filmed it, and totally messed it up.

Hooper. Yes. I said it. Hooper. Deal with it.

Name one screenwriter you think is underrated:

All of them. Yup. That's a punt.
The other answer, of course, would be "me."

Three people I'm tagging to answer this meme next:

Alex Epstein
Diane Kristine
Matt Watts

HOUSE Does DMc -- In Spades.

I've often remarked to friends that I'm just smart enough to watch HOUSE, but not smart enough to write it. I know, I know, were I to write HOUSE, I'd have lots of medical researchers to help me out -- but the very nature of this medical show -- A Rubik's puzzle that illuminates the very real, and yet very scary (and very absent from television) notion that Doctors, God love'em, are guessing. Guessing based on a preponderance of evidence and observation, but, you know...still.

From the earliest days of HOUSE, I've had an idea. It was an idea that I never thought I'd pursue, not in a million years. I didn't think I would pursue it because I knew it was such an interesting medical condition that eventually they would get to it.

The condition was aphasia. Aphasia, for those who didn't watch, is a neurological condition which can be caused by a number of factors, where the patient thinks that they're communicating, they can understand what's being said to them, but when they speak, it comes out as gibberish. Anyone who's ever suffered through a family member who's had a stroke probably knows more about this than me. But to me it is the perfect metaphor, and also the perfect conundrum for Dr. Greg House. He already believes (with evidence amply supplied through a season and a half of shows) that everybody lies. So what happens if you can't even challenge the patient? What happens when they can't tell you the truth -- or if you can't even pick through their lies, because you don't understand what they're saying?

That was my idea. As I said, I never thought of writing that as a spec script, because I knew they'd get there eventually, and my script would be dross.

So tonight they do that story, and the devil, my friends, as always -- lives in the details. First, the sufferer/patient is a journalist. A truth teller. Nice. Is he lying? Of course. It's HOUSE. How does House expose him? It's really hard. Because the whole time he's six hundred miles away making out with his Ex-Wife in snowed-in Baltimore.

Man. I salute you. This is the thing, chickens. Over the years, I've advised a lot of people about those first all important spec scripts. I've laughed and commisserated as people saw their ideas scooped, and done by the show. Most specs I have in my library were eventually invalidated by the show itself. Sometimes, my take was better. Often, it wasn't.

But moaning and bitching aint the NFL kids. No one's asking you to write a spec. When you tamp out that Smallville or Commander in Chief or My Name is Earl, it doesn't just have to be a typical episode -- it has to be way better than a typical episode.

It has to take that great idea I had about aphasia -- and plus it...just like HOUSE did last night.

Which, at the end of the day, is why they're pricing new Priuses and split levels in Silver Lake and I'm in Canada. Their take on my idea? Way, way, way, way better than I ever considered. Man, I enjoyed it.

I still can't believe HOUSE is a popular show. Thank you, American Idol. I forgive some of what you've wrought.

Handicapped

So James Frey got caught. Sorry, Oprah.

And JT Leroy isn't an HIV + ex-street kid; he's a 40-year-old woman.

You know, what I have to say on this is very simple.

I'm a white kid who got moved around a couple times by my parents. Good for you, Mom and Dad, for getting me out of the South Bronx. That probably wouldn't have proved to be rich ground for a memoir. Oh no.

So okay, I live in a foreign country. Occasionally I got teased for having an accent. I'm forever fighting my waistline. I got held up at gunpoint in a bar a few years ago. But I've never OD'd. I've never once spent a night in jail. I haven't huffed, discharged a firearm, or had my stomach pumped. I've never been brought home by the cops. Never sold my blood or plasma for money. Never been in a bar fight. Yes, I had nine years of catechism, and three years as a Catholic altar boy, but in that time, I was never once touched inappropriately; hell, they never even gave me a swig of the sacrificial wine.

And yet now, here I am, trying to make it as a writer.

Mom. Dad. Little Sister #1, Little Sister #2 -- I blame you.
Thanks for the happy childhood. Thanks for %$#@% nothing.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go make shit up.

Emily's Reasons Why Not

1) Because Heather Graham not being able to find a man is the stupid kind of "that would never, ever happen" science fiction. If that's going to be the kickoff of your series, your main character better travel using the TARDIS.

2) Because she was funnier on Scrubs, and deserves writing at that level - cause she can actually do it.

3) Because, as a straight man, I will confess right now that all of us straight men pretended to like this show already -- when it was on HBO with the older woman and the prissy one and the strangely hot man eating one and the one that we were pretty sure was a guy.

4) Because Nadja Dajani also deserves better.

5) Because by comparison, it actually made Jake In Progress look funny. And that cannot be forgiven.

The Devil & Daniel Webster

So The Book of Daniel came, and the people who freak out at such things freaked out.

I thought it was a pretty genial, sympathetic show about the good parts of The Bible. You know, the forgiving parts. It upsets me to think that in this battle of fundamentalism in which we're now embroiled, the one truism seems to be that God can't have a sense of humor. (I mean, really, the giraffe and the platypus and New Jersey to the contrary.)

Aidan Quinn's a very likable actor who carries off the part of a troubled and overwhelmed clergyman with aplomb. His talks with Jesus play not quite as santimoniously as on Joan of Arcadia, which is probably a good thing.

It actually put me in mind of The Last Temptation of Christ a little bit. Long after my faith had started to flag and wane, seeing that movie revived things a bit. After years of having Christ's divinity pounded into you, the portrayal of his humanity did a whole lot more to make me appreciate the mysteries of my faith than Mel Gibson's violent porn show ever could.

Now that the right wing wack jobs have total control in the USA, (but still get to whine like someone's actually trying to take stuff away from them) I think the values embedded in shows like The Book of Daniel could provide a tonic. If NBC doesn't cave in, all afraid, that is.

Although, gotta admit, seeing Garret Dillahunt (left, with Aidan Quinn) as Jesus is weird after being creeped out by him all through Deadwood's season two.

Historically, Daniel Webster was the best President the United States never had. A man famous for compromise, who got things moving and solved through finding a middle ground. That strikes me as a very good quality for a man of faith, and a very rare quality in the public discourse today.

And let's not forget that in literature, Daniel Webster out-argued the Devil.

Hope he gets the chance to do the same on NBC. But I shant hold my breath.

UPDATE: for another take (negative) on the show -- but refreshingly, not a crazy (or unfair) one -- check out Salon's review by the Real Live Preacher.

Surf's Up on Falcon Beach

Well, it went to air, & far as I can see, no one got hurt.

Falcon Beach may be unfairly freighted with lotsa baggage, seeing as it's Global's big return to Canadian TV Drama. After watching the premiere last night I was relieved that it was a lot better than I thought it was going to be.

But is that enough to make it a big, Atlas-like, Canadian-industry-saving hit? Let's go to the tale of the tape:

PROS:

The 90210-factor. I'm thrilled to report that they've learned well the lessons of proto-fantasy teen soap 90210, by casting a lead actress who looks 27, to play 17. (Jennifer Kydd, above.) This is not a bad thing. First, it means the spirit of Dylan McKay rules. Second, she's actually hot, has lovely blonde hair, a bit of edge, and seems like she can act. And the fact that you suspect she's playing way younger than she is in real life raises the possibility that an adult male could watch her on this show and feel less creepy than, say, watching Rachel Bilson on The O.C. I hear from a female friend of mine that the lead guy, whathisname, is equally tasty. Ladies? Gay Male readers? What say you? +10 points

Putting a stake to realistic dialogue. In the last year, I've had scary discussions with development people at both networks and production companies who wanted "teenagers who talk like real teenagers." In a completely unsourced, unscientific poll of my own experience, I would boldly predict that 100% of these people do not have any ongoing contact with actual teenagers. Dawson's Creek worked because the kids talked like 30-year-old academics. Mean Girls, Clueless, and Heathers worked because they didn't try to ape real teen speak, they created plausible dialects of their own. (Dialects which eventually crossed over into real teenspeak.) Falcon Beach is nowhere at that level yet, but the decision to eschew "real teen talk" is a thankful development. +10 points

Promo the sh*t out of everything, and throw in a car while you're at it. A few years ago, CTV pulled out all the stops with billboards, on-air, editorial, and other advertising to introduce its new show The Associates. It worked in the sense that it raised great awareness of the show and gave them a great opening number. It didn't work in the sense that the show didn't deliver, and audiences quickly grew disenchanted and tuned away. Global has run a top-notch awareness campaign for Falcon Beach. They've leveraged it through their various media properties. They've done outdoor, and magazine, and editorial. They even cooked up a product placement-in-show thingie for some new Pontiac vehicle. Whatever works. Canadian series often fail because no one's willing to spend the money to promote them. No one can accuse Global of that. +20 points

CONS:

The Old Grey Mare, She Aint What She Used To Be. Okay. I know that Lake Winnipeg, like a lot of northern lakes, appears to be grey. But this is fantasy. For pity's sake, spend some money on the color correction. Make the thing look blue. I've seen a million Beer commercials shot in Canada, and not once have I seen a grey lake. -5 points.

If You're Gonna Drop the Needle, Drop the Needle. It's great that the Falcon Beach team has learned that if you're doing a series for young people, you better be prepared to clear some music. But they're a long way from perfecting the needle drop. When you watch The O.C. or even a show like Grey's Anatomy, the crisp interplay of image and song carry you away. The music cues pump up your excitement by kicking off with a change in action or locale. They drive the scene as much as they exist as aural wallpaper. In Falcon Beach, it looks like they locked the picture, then cleared the music. Music comes in, fades down under scenes, then back up, then out...but there's no real artistry to how and when. Maybe there needs to be better syncing between post and clearance -- or maybe the editors need to take a chance on certain songs. Worst comes to worst, you recut. There's not a single music cue from Episode 1 that worked in lockstep with the image -- save the wakeboarding sequence, to which the transition was awkward. Also -- and this is a big one -- you're talking to teenagers in 2006. Where the hell's the hip hop? -15 points

Would it Kill You to be Funny? For earnestness, you can't compete with Degrassi. Why even try? A little wit, a little Seth Cohen or even Pacey...well, it would go a long way. If the writers are being reined in, let 'em loose. There wasn't a single memorable line from last night's premiere. Welcome to the O.C., bitch! was a cultural moment because it was outrageously quotable. You gotta go to the wall. (Teenagers may be inarticulate, but I've also seen a lot of them who are pretty funny.) There's a couple of characters who could be breakout wiseasses, if only you wrote'em that way. See also Would It Kill You to Make Someone Slutty? -10 points

Well, let's see...by my count that leaves us up by 10 points. Which to me is enough to cover the spread. I think Falcon Beach has got a good chance to make it -- but only if it builds on its natural teen audience. The O.C. isn't a hit because only teens are watching, and neither was 90210. Right now there's not a lot to keep adults coming back for more. It's an eminently fixable position to be in -- and maybe there's a question of how far they can go because the ABC Family association...but the potential for this series is far greater than I would have thought, having read some of the initial scripts a long, long, long time ago. I've got fingers crossed, or some suitable, uh...wakeboarding lingo alternative. Hope it does well for Global.

Four Kings? Yeah...out of TEN.

Well, I'm flummoxed.

For the second time this season, I've read good pre-buzz on a show only to tune in and say, "Quoi?"

NBC's returned-from-the-dead Must See TV didn't exactly blow the doors off last night. The Office was as reliably funny as ever -- even if it did resort to a heart-to-heart moment between Michael Scott and Jim that the original would have never touched. Don't get me wrong, it was still funny, and the idea that Michael's the only guy in Dunder-Mifflin who doesn't know Jim has a thing for Pam is kinda sweet, and very true to his character. In fact, that scene pretty much summarized the basic cultural difference between the British and American iterations of the show. I dare say that for many Brits (and probably more than a few Canadians,) Michael's advice to never give up would seem -- unseemly. Maybe so. But also very American.

My Name is Earl was middling-to-solid -- I can't help but think that they've got to complicate the formula a bit more as they wear on. The twist with Randy was a good one -- and the little asides where Catalina references her dark childhood are getting increasingly twisted -- but I still think it's got a bit of mid-season sputter. Jaime Pressly is pretty gifted as a comedienne, though.

Which brings us to Four Kings. Oy.

You know, a few years ago, I sat in a session with Phil Rosenthal (Everybody Loves Raymond) at the Canadian Film Centre. We got talking about likeajokes, and how they were killing comedy.

Likeajokes are rife in the sitcom today -- it's the main force, in my opinion, that makes the four-camera soundstage sitcom so utterly moribund. We've gotten to the point now where we've all internalized the sitcom rhythm. We know the parry and thrust of the setup-punchline-topper form of sitcom writing, with the three-jokes-a-page and the snarky asides. But somewhere along the line it became okay to ape the form without the content. If you look all over the dial today you'll see shows where the actor goes into a rhythm, and, yep, there's the setup, and boom...there's the punchline. And the canned laughter goes wild!

Only one problem: the "punchline" wasn't funny. In fact, it wasn't even a joke.

Welcome to the wonderful world of the likeajoke.

A likeajoke is like watching an NBA player leave the ground, stretch toward the basket gracefully, place the ball nowhere near the basket, only to hit the ground triumphantly anyway, as we're forced to watch the crowd go wild and the team slaps his back-- for nothing. It's all rhythm, and no emotional payoff. The cathartic effect of laughter? Well, sorry, bub. The machine's cranked up to 11. Either go along with the fakey-fake catharsis, or...um...er...that's it.

Four Kings is chock full of likeajokes. By about four minutes in, I was wondering if I'd ever be able to watch a sitcom with a laugh track again. Time after time, I called out the "punchline" as the setup was being said. It was slow, abysmal, and mawkish. The pot-pill popping old lady was the only petit amusant in the whole show.

I read a lot of first scripts (perils of teaching) and I used to be amazed that people could get the feel of a sitcom without actually delivering any laughs. But now those people, apparently, have actual jobs on actual sitcoms.

Dana Stevens at Slate, who's seen more than last night's episode, seems to feel it gets better. I may give it one more. But to me, this is How I Met Your Mother all over again.

Maybe it is time to put the sitcom out to pasture.

Must see? Or Just Musty?

Well, I guess we'll see tonight.

I have fond memories of Must See TV. Once upon a time, those dark, long-ago days of 1995, it was still cooking for me. E.R. capped the night in its first breathtaking season, and started my TV taste-waning from the Half Hour comedies of my youth to the Hour Dramas I mostly watch today.

Before 1995, Must See was all about the Half Hours. Cheers and Frasier (when it started.) Even back to Family Ties. I can't remember why I liked Family Ties now. God, I hope it wasn't for Skippy.

The late 90's strain of Must See already had cracks in it -- Sure, there was Friends and Seinfeld, but there was also that steady stream of horrible pretenders sandwiched at 8:30 and 9:30 ET -- I mean, did anyone ever watch more than one episode of The Single Guy? I didn't. And I was a) a single guy and b) kind of hot for Ming Na. No sale. Don't even get me started on Veronica's Closet or Suddenly Susan or...gee.....um...I'm starting to black out now.

I wonder in this day and age, now that pandora's box has been opened and downloading shows is becoming Itunes-ized, if that whole idea of 'appointment viewing' and 'must see' is going to go away -- replaced by the 'must see when I want.'

I think that serial dramas like LOST or 24 are the only ones with that "must see" cachet, today. If there are water cooler shows (or indeed, water coolers) in offices now, I'm not sure that Will & Grace or even My Name is Earl are the shows they're likely to be talking about.

I'm old enough to remember when "keeping your audience for the night" was an organic thing...made easier by the fact that if you wanted to change channels, someone (usually me, or one of my sisters) would have to go up and physically change the channel on the (black & white: yeah, I know. Shutup) TV.

But in the end, I wish NBC well -- more for nostalgia's sake than for the merits of the shows. I've always appreciated Will & Grace more than I really loved it. I'm a fan of Earl and especially The Office -- but I certainly won't be letting Must See-giddiness carry me into the moribund E.R. Even Linda Cardellini couldn't get me to do that.



Allesandra Stanley in the New York Times today has a cautious review of new show Four Kings, (pictured above) that makes it sound likable enough. (Although I'm still gun shy, considering the free ride that How I Met Your Mother seems to be getting.)

Then again, as my friend Rob says, there are people out there taping According to Jim.

Anyway, I'll be watching. Will you? If you do, let me know what you think: must see? Or just musty?

I hear Rob Corddry's wearing Chanel

Well. This is interesting.

I liked Chris Rock. But I think about 100 million Americans who haven't heard of The Daily Show yet (Too Much Fox News) are going to see something really interesting. I might even watch this one live, not with one hand on the Fast Forward button on my PVR.

And the unexpected new Daily Show last night was like a warm bath. Sometimes I think I am a sad, sad man.

The Diversity Clusterf**k

Hoo boy.

Alex started it. I took a kick at the can. The Artful Writer chimed in, but in the end, John August came up with the best reason to do a diversity pass: It makes your script more readable, and therefore, better. (Whether you do it as you're writing or after, I don't think it matters...though I'm sure there's a contingent who would say it does.)

For the record, I think what John August articulates is probably another way of saying what Alex was talking about in the first place.

Anyway, sayeth Mr. August:

Screenplays are read quickly. Unlike a novel, you don’t linger for a few paragraphs getting to know minor characters, setting up their memorable quirks. Rather, you meet them on page 20, then see them again on page 64. As a screenwriter, you want the reader to instantly recall that they’ve encountered a certain character before.

A reader is much more likely to remember an international banker named Abebayehu Tegene than Abe Thompson.

You can debate why this is. Maybe it’s just that the name is more interesting. But in most cases, I think it’s because we’re hard-wired to match race to surnames. We see Abebayehu Tegene and we think, “This character is black. Not only that, he’s probably African.” We form a mental picture of “African banker,” then move on.

With Abe Thompson, the reader has nothing to latch onto. Abe Thompson is just a name.

John goes on to make the point that coming up with a cool ethnic name does not abrogate your responsibility to make the character interesting.

Most of the time, when I'm reading scripts from new writers trying to figure out if they have any talent, the thing that convinces me is how well drawn the three-and-four line parts are. You get sensitive to that in Canada, especially if you have a lot of actor friends, because when American movies come to shoot here, those parts are the ones they give to all the Canadians. I've helped a lot of friends run lines in my time, which means more often than not going over a lot of sides with cliched, dull, four-line parts. You learn a lot about a writer when he or she can communicate a full and rich life for a character we only see once for a moment.

(All this assumes, of course, that you already have compelling leads, and a story that isn't too FUBAR.)

None of this deals with the problems of race in America (or Canada) but then again, we're screenwriters. Not like we're going to fix that one anyway.

(And if we did, a director or actor would probably take the credit.)

Baby, Let Me Follow You Down.

I just finished watching Monday's Arrested Development. My God, this show just gives no quarter whatsoever. The whole thing was one angry, keening, preening, hilarious and laugh-out-loud in joke. From jokes about making the family more "relatable..." the "live" stunt, the "someone will die before this episode is over" stunt, the parade of celebrity cameos just dashed off with no fanfare whatsoever... It was a howl and a high point from a series that now seems to know that it's probably time to go: but not before it makes the point that the great sea of viewers, alas, really are that stupid.

It's such small comfort to know that people will be discovering this show for years on DVD, going, "why didn't it catch on? why didn't it catch on?" You hear that a lot from overreaching writers and producers where the answer is simply, "It wasn't that good." It used to be that I thought I could never get romantic with a woman who didn't find The Simpsons funny. Well, the torch has been passed. Arrested Development is exactly as funny as the critics say. It's going to be sorely missed.

UPDATE: CNN ran this AP story today about the show and its chances. They quote some of the big in-jokes from Monday's episode. If no one picks it up, that means...sniff....that only four new episodes of Arrested Development are left.

'Twas beauty, indeed.

Yes, okay. Three hours and seven minutes. But I can just about picture that conversation...

"You cut it."
"No...you."
No...you."

I want to spend my next vacation in Peter Jackson's 1933 New York. But only if I can be rich.

And who says we haven't progressed? It's great that someone with a schnoz the size of Adrien Brody's can be a romantic lead.

The action hero as writer. Swoon.