Surf's Up on Falcon Beach

Well, it went to air, & far as I can see, no one got hurt.

Falcon Beach may be unfairly freighted with lotsa baggage, seeing as it's Global's big return to Canadian TV Drama. After watching the premiere last night I was relieved that it was a lot better than I thought it was going to be.

But is that enough to make it a big, Atlas-like, Canadian-industry-saving hit? Let's go to the tale of the tape:

PROS:

The 90210-factor. I'm thrilled to report that they've learned well the lessons of proto-fantasy teen soap 90210, by casting a lead actress who looks 27, to play 17. (Jennifer Kydd, above.) This is not a bad thing. First, it means the spirit of Dylan McKay rules. Second, she's actually hot, has lovely blonde hair, a bit of edge, and seems like she can act. And the fact that you suspect she's playing way younger than she is in real life raises the possibility that an adult male could watch her on this show and feel less creepy than, say, watching Rachel Bilson on The O.C. I hear from a female friend of mine that the lead guy, whathisname, is equally tasty. Ladies? Gay Male readers? What say you? +10 points

Putting a stake to realistic dialogue. In the last year, I've had scary discussions with development people at both networks and production companies who wanted "teenagers who talk like real teenagers." In a completely unsourced, unscientific poll of my own experience, I would boldly predict that 100% of these people do not have any ongoing contact with actual teenagers. Dawson's Creek worked because the kids talked like 30-year-old academics. Mean Girls, Clueless, and Heathers worked because they didn't try to ape real teen speak, they created plausible dialects of their own. (Dialects which eventually crossed over into real teenspeak.) Falcon Beach is nowhere at that level yet, but the decision to eschew "real teen talk" is a thankful development. +10 points

Promo the sh*t out of everything, and throw in a car while you're at it. A few years ago, CTV pulled out all the stops with billboards, on-air, editorial, and other advertising to introduce its new show The Associates. It worked in the sense that it raised great awareness of the show and gave them a great opening number. It didn't work in the sense that the show didn't deliver, and audiences quickly grew disenchanted and tuned away. Global has run a top-notch awareness campaign for Falcon Beach. They've leveraged it through their various media properties. They've done outdoor, and magazine, and editorial. They even cooked up a product placement-in-show thingie for some new Pontiac vehicle. Whatever works. Canadian series often fail because no one's willing to spend the money to promote them. No one can accuse Global of that. +20 points

CONS:

The Old Grey Mare, She Aint What She Used To Be. Okay. I know that Lake Winnipeg, like a lot of northern lakes, appears to be grey. But this is fantasy. For pity's sake, spend some money on the color correction. Make the thing look blue. I've seen a million Beer commercials shot in Canada, and not once have I seen a grey lake. -5 points.

If You're Gonna Drop the Needle, Drop the Needle. It's great that the Falcon Beach team has learned that if you're doing a series for young people, you better be prepared to clear some music. But they're a long way from perfecting the needle drop. When you watch The O.C. or even a show like Grey's Anatomy, the crisp interplay of image and song carry you away. The music cues pump up your excitement by kicking off with a change in action or locale. They drive the scene as much as they exist as aural wallpaper. In Falcon Beach, it looks like they locked the picture, then cleared the music. Music comes in, fades down under scenes, then back up, then out...but there's no real artistry to how and when. Maybe there needs to be better syncing between post and clearance -- or maybe the editors need to take a chance on certain songs. Worst comes to worst, you recut. There's not a single music cue from Episode 1 that worked in lockstep with the image -- save the wakeboarding sequence, to which the transition was awkward. Also -- and this is a big one -- you're talking to teenagers in 2006. Where the hell's the hip hop? -15 points

Would it Kill You to be Funny? For earnestness, you can't compete with Degrassi. Why even try? A little wit, a little Seth Cohen or even Pacey...well, it would go a long way. If the writers are being reined in, let 'em loose. There wasn't a single memorable line from last night's premiere. Welcome to the O.C., bitch! was a cultural moment because it was outrageously quotable. You gotta go to the wall. (Teenagers may be inarticulate, but I've also seen a lot of them who are pretty funny.) There's a couple of characters who could be breakout wiseasses, if only you wrote'em that way. See also Would It Kill You to Make Someone Slutty? -10 points

Well, let's see...by my count that leaves us up by 10 points. Which to me is enough to cover the spread. I think Falcon Beach has got a good chance to make it -- but only if it builds on its natural teen audience. The O.C. isn't a hit because only teens are watching, and neither was 90210. Right now there's not a lot to keep adults coming back for more. It's an eminently fixable position to be in -- and maybe there's a question of how far they can go because the ABC Family association...but the potential for this series is far greater than I would have thought, having read some of the initial scripts a long, long, long time ago. I've got fingers crossed, or some suitable, uh...wakeboarding lingo alternative. Hope it does well for Global.