Monday, December 22, 2008

Gran Illusions


SAW GRAN TORINO. It is by no means an incredible movie, but it sure is an interesting one, and therefore quite enjoyable. I will also say, since the press reports seem to be making a lot out of screenwriter Nick Schenk's contention that Eastwood didn't change a single word of the screenplay in the shooting, that that makes sense, because the overall effect is a very writerly movie.

The resonance of the ending is set up right at the beginning of the picture, and the essential beats of information you need to know are doled out through the movie quite cannily. Because they're in the middle of scenes where other interesting stuff is going on, you don't spend the brainpan power putting together exactly what the action of the third act is going to be. It's all sleight of hand, all the time.

Looking back on it, the ending is fairly easy to figure out. But you don't. Or at least I didn't, because you are swept up by some pretty engaging characters. Yet when you think back on it, the ending is clean and resonant, and directly follows everything Clint Eastwood's character has said and done through the whole movie. You are given clues right up until the ending is laid out before you -- but you don't put it together. This is what we call 'good screenwriting.'

Ok, to be serious. There will probably be people who take issue with Eastwood's performance, which is pitched directly in the line of every cranky old man you've ever seen commited to film. (He actually gets to deliver the line "Get off my lawn!" to a bunch of kids.) But the growling man is justified, as is the talking to himself, by the presence of his dog or simply by his obvious loneliness.

So you've got a good flawed character. Then you add a world most of us don't really know much about...the Hmong people and their customs. Then you stir in characters who are not cardboard, but who are just off a bit, as people are in life. Whether it's Sue, the next door neighbor that first starts the thaw, or the Priest who looks like he's fourteen, there are such interesting character dynamics going on that the very, very simple story has room to just unfold. There are no unnecessary notes or complications. As in most Eastwood films, everything is spare. You don't see anything you don't need to see. It all adds up.

We sometimes have the impulse to make things flashy or gussy them up. The old lipstick on a pig trick. We're forever doing that in Canada. Getting lost in our symbols, and disappearing up our own behinds.

Gran Torino is a yarn. And a good solid one. And if you're struggling with creating a nuanced character, or a complete arc, or even beats that drive to an inevitable turning point and resolution, this is a movie that has all that stuff out there for you to see, without a lot of paint or accoutrement. There's nothing flashy about this film, and it's also kind of timeless. This film could have been made anytime in the last thirty years.

But in an era of explosions and CG soullessness, and impenetrable art house douchebaggery, it's kind of refreshing to see this: a movie movie. A solid double, that sets out to tell a story about interesting people and delivers that and only that.

And I hate to say it, but I would say the bulk of that good feeling comes from a script that was well thought out, and executed, and a Star and Director who had the confidence to see that, and just shoot the story.

Imagine that.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Does Blogger Have a Cold?

WEIRD. THERE ARE comments appearing under "recent comments" that are over a year old. And on a few stories here and other sites, you see trackback links to stories that have no connection whatsoever to the story being linked to.

Anybody know what's going on?

Friday, December 19, 2008

Friday, 5:33 p.m.

Hit 'send.'

"Working," and...

It's away.

Pilot outline done.

(First draft, anyway.)

Hmm. Hang on.



Load. Wait. Click.

"Oooh--loo--loo-loo-LOO-loo-LOO-LOO/
Oooh--loo--loo-loo-loo-loo-LOO/
Oooh--loo--loo-loo-LOO-loo-LOO-LOO/
OOOH--loo-loo, loo--loo--loo--loo/
Loo--loo-loo--loo--LOO--loo-loo-loo/
Loo--loo-loo--loo--LOO--loo-loo-loo/
LOO--LOO-LOO-loo loo loo looh
LOO--loo-LOO, loo--loo-loo-LOO/
LOO--LOO-LOO-LOO-LOO-LOO-LOO/
LOO--Loo-LOO, loo-loo-loo-loo--LOOOOH

"MERRY CHRISTMAS, CHARLIE BROWN!"


Ahhhhhh.

Canadian Series Renewals

CONGRATULATIONS TO HEARTLAND, the Girls and Horses family drama on CBC, which was renewed for a third season yesterday. It joins THE BORDER as CBC's first series pickups for next year. It's nice to see CBC back servicing that 7pm family hour on Sundays, which they used to own.

CTV, of course, has already renewed FLASHPOINT for season two. (If you're willing to do some reading-between-the-lines, Bill Brioux has a hilarious account of a very awkward conference call promoting the show. Ahh. Canada. Loveya.)

It's also picked up the cop series THE BRIDGE. Waiting to hear on the fate of the Brett Butt-produced comedy HICCUPS, Butt's follow up to Corner Gas.

Global has yet to make any announcements on those pilots, and there are other projects in contention at CBC. Half hours.

But the big news may just be a back-from-the-dead series that looks to be getting a second life -- even with its Canadian component still up in the air! Hmmm.

See, so though snow may be falling from the sky, it's just possible that the sky might not be falling with it. We'll see.

The Snowmageddon Boogie

IT WAS A great word. Probably the first time the Canadian Weather Network has ever had the dubious honor of adding to the language. But there it is. An on-air person, describing the annoying confluence of two large snowstorms scheduled to hit Toronto this weekend, dubbed the event "Snowmageddon."

And everybody ran with it. With gusto.

It's nice sitting here looking out at the snow swirling, as I try to finish an outline. It makes one remarkably productive, because you don't have the usual drag of, "hey I wonder if everyone outside my little bubble is having more fun right now."

I can see the street from my window. Or at least, where the street should be. It's clear: nobody's having any fun.

But snowmageddon or no, the other joy on a day like this is watching people snipe back and forth about the snow on Facebook. Duelling status messages, where Montrealers call out Torontonians from freaking out about the snow, again. (As a friend of mine observed: "Hey Montreal, more snow is all you have left".) There are also small town folk weighing in on the city folk and how this isn't a blizzard, you wouldn't know a blizzard, let me tell you 'bout blizzards, etc, etc.

Which led me to this status update, and the comment chain that followed:
Denis wonders, after the nuclear apocalypse, will there be people going, "You call this a nuclear apocalypse? I'm from the nuclear apocalypse belt. This is nothing!" 2:05pm - 6 Comments
Marnie Woodrow at 2:09pm December 19
I see a feature.
Mike Kiss at 2:11pm December 19
Hilarious. "You call THIS melted to the asphalt?"
Marnie Woodrow at 2:11pm December 19
I'm thinking McGrath Brothers takin it all in 2009. [Yeah, pretend you're two writers, why not?]
Denis McGrath at 2:19pm December 19
"Please, unless people and automobile are blasted together into some hellish chimera, it's just 'nuclear flurries!'
Mike Kiss at 2:24pm December 19
"Look...come talk to me when you envy the dead. Until you envy the dead, I'm not even looking out the window."
Denis McGrath at 2:28pm December 19
"Hey look, Toronto's called out the army. If it was a REAL nuclear apocalypse, the army would have been obliterated first, smart guy!"
Ah. Good times. Anyway. Back to Act Five. Enjoy your Snowpacolypse.

Come Here, Little Bear [Market]. I Have a Stick!

SO FAR, I'd have to say Terry MacLeod, the host of the CBC Radio Winnipeg morning show is my most favoritist interviewer everrr.

Why?

On air, he suggests maybe there should be a reality show about Wall Street Types. Survivor: Wall Street.

I told him he should pitch it; he said I could have it for free.

The possibilities, oh the possibilities! Imagine, a solid hour of tormenting the geniuses who drove the whole investment economy into the tank? Would you watch that? Hells yeah, I would!

One thing, though.

NO IMMUNITY.

Canada's Creative Citizen of the Year

FROM KAREN WALTON's excellent film tv/community Ink Canada:


sometimes, when an artist or cultural industry worker truly sets the bar for caring about more than the bottom line and the credits, we organize a little group virtual standing ovation for them, and try to bring eyes, ears & hearts to their efforts to improve the quality of life for human beings in general.

We miss more than we applaud here largely because these model citizens are generally rather modest about their gigantic Goodness-es.

So. If you know someone who ought to be applauded for the smallest acts of Giving a Damn, or the biggest... please use this space to bring them some luv and us some lessons on what cool really looks like. Tell us about the people you know - writers, our friends, our collaborators, our companies, our sponsors, our audiences... who make the world a better place and make us all look good by the vaguest association.... or here, at the very least, acknowledgement.
If you want to join in the discussion over at Ink Canada, go here.

The Sky Aint Falling

FURTHER TO THE last couple days, like old Alexi here, I'll be on several local CBC Radio morning shows this morning talking about the economic hoodoo's affect on the Film and TV industries. I tell you this, O residents of Windsor, listeners of Ontario Morning, Thunder Bay, Sudbury, Winnipeg, Prince George and Prince Rupert, B.C., Whitehorse and Vancouver, because hey...forewarned is forearmed, y'dig?

Thursday, December 18, 2008

And Gentlemen in England Now-a-bed Shall Think Themselves Accurs'd They Were Not Here.

HEY, REMEMBER ABOUT a month ago when the U.S. elected Barack Obama and we were all like, "Hope" and "Change!" and "Yes, We Can!"? Doesn't that seem like it was, oh, I don't know...forty years ago?

The Globe and Mail chose yesterday morning to illustrate their story on the U.S. Fed cutting interest rates to Zero -- pretty much the Last Ditch Hail Mary Pass -- by spot coloring the word "Zero" in blood red.

Niiiiiiiiice touch.

Oh sure, we're all kaking in our shorts thinking about our homes and jobs, and, um...everything...and I have to admit I'm thinking back to the summer when all I was worrying about was the U.S. Presidential Polls and what was happening to all the bees and I'm thinking, "shit, what if those were the golden days?"

Well, this is when a screenwriter needs to buck up. This is when art needs to comfort and inspire and tell everybody things are going to be okay. You know what we need? We need a big, inspirational speech.

Or, like, LOTS OF THEM.

And now, thanks to a bunch of wonderful screenwriters and a clever editor named Matthew Belinkie, IT'S ON.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Hey, Remember When The Comedy Was Dead?

WHAT, OH WHAT, is there to make of this story in the New York Times?

All four comedies in CBS’s Monday night block earned their largest audiences of the season on Monday, as the network dominated the night’s ratings, according to Nielsen’s estimates. CBS’s “Two and a Half Men” led over all with 17.9 million viewers, its most since May 2005. “How I Met Your Mother” (11.4 million) posted its best audience since January 2006, and “The Big Bang Theory” (11.4 million) and “Worst Week” (12.1 million) earned their most viewers on record. CBS also won the 10 p.m. hour with “CSI: Miami” (14.5 million). NBC was a distant runner-up, garnering a season high for “Chuck” (7.6 million) and 7.8 million viewers for “Heroes.” Fox ranked third, while ABC struggled in fourth, garnering just 3.7 million viewers for the network’s two-hour “20/20” special “Drama High: The Making of a High School Musical.”
Gosh. It's almost like, you know, people want to turn to have a laugh on TV because EVERY PIECE OF NEWS THEY SEE THESE DAYS IS A !$@#ing NIGHTMARE.

But .. but ... but whoever could have PREDICTED such a thing?

The Problem With Pilots

SURE, EVERYBODY'S WRITTEN about the basic problem with the pilot system before -- how the greater resources and care sets up a set of expectations that just can't be met week-to-week, but nobody's said it as entertainingly as Kay Reindl on Seriocity yesterday:

A network picks up a show based on its pilot. And pilots generally do cost way more than an episode does. So you can do more in a pilot. You have more time to shoot it, and usually some fancy-pants director. Then, if you're unlucky (and you probably will be), this happens:

NETWORK: Whoa. This shit looks GREAT! We want that every week. Here's your licensing fee.
STUDIO: Hmmm. That fee translates to a budget that's a fraction of what we spent on the pilot. Hope you like interiors.
NETWORK: Hey, where are the fucking car chases? Don't you have a crane?
STUDIO: Crane? Please. Do you know how much we'd charge the show for that?
NETWORK: We bought a show with car chases and exteriors.
STUDIO: Give us a higher license fee, if you're so up in our kitchen about it.
NETWORK: No. Make the show cheaper.
The studio fires a bunch of writers.
NETWORK: Still not seeing our crane. Figure out how to make our show or we'll cancel you.
STUDIO: Go ahead. Our only investment in this show is monetary anyway. We're already moving onto development.
WRITERS, ACTORS AND CREW: Um, guys? Hi, remember us? We're all working our asses off to make this show as best we can. A little help, maybe?
NETWORK AND STUDIO: Fuck you. You're canceled.

Of course, with the change at NBC, this conversation will be a lot creepier because there's only one executive. Will he be angry with himself for not giving the show a higher licensing fee? Will he also be angry because the budget's too high? Will he go all Travis Bickle in the mirror? We'll never know.
Again, for Canadian readers above, you probably have to swap in the Production Co. (No studios, remember...) saying that they really, really need to get the CTF envelope if they're going to make the show, and they probably need to shoot in Wingnut, Alberta for the extra tax credits -- and the Network correspondingly will probably come back and say that, Okay, then they can reduce their license fee to only 15% of the budget, for which they want a cut of the Itunes sales and streaming forever, and free webisodes, and hey, they've cleared a great timeslot for you -- Saturday night at 10pm, starting in July!

Awesome stuff. I'm going to go eat my sleeve now.

Dangerous Spin, or Warble Me Another

I'M NOT GOING to miss Canadian Idol, because like most Torontonians, I didn't watch it. In fact, most viewers in Canada's urban centres tuned out long ago. American Idol has experienced a ratings softening, too, but the Canadian edition -- which was never as cruel or as in your face with mean Simon and crazy Paula -- had declined more.

So it's entirely proper to give the show a rest. If you skip a year or a couple, it's entirely possible that anticipation will build and the property can be brought back, same as has happened in a few other countries where the Idol formula has taken hold.

The problem I have with this is the torque that's being put on this announcement. CTV is driving, and the media is dutifully reporting -- that the reason why the show is coming back is because of the economy. So Canadian Idol gets folded into the narrative of why everything's so bad right now.

But that just doesn't track. The writing was on the wall for Idol before the Fall economic freefall. The numbers were what they were; the show's renewal was already very much in doubt. And then CTV debuted "So You Think You Can Dance Canada" -- seriously, guys, way to stretch the medium there. Maybe next you could license somebody else's Olympic cover...never mind.

The Dance Show was, in fact, a huge hit for CTV. A monster success. In the recession.

So that provided an easy final nail.

This propensity to spin everything as a result of the economy is something you're starting to see everywhere. It's disingenuous at best. CTV laid off 105 people at the former home of CHUM last month, and blamed the economy. But those job losses had long been planned as a result of reorganization in the wake of the CHUM sale.

At what point does the media, or the public, demand better accountability from these people? And not to pick on CTV, because they're certainly not the only ones doing this. It's a full blown trend. It seems like every business failure or layoff now is only happening because of the economic slowdown. Oh really? "Oh, it's 'cause of the economy!" cannot be the answer to every business decision you make these days whether it is actually recession-related or not. Never mind the fact that it takes a bad situation and makes it look worse. The number one thing that is going to get us out of this mess is a return of investor and consumer confidence.

Blaming something you were going to do anyway on the softening economy doesn't get us there. It's actually downright unpatriotic.

And yes, this is probably the most that I've ever thought about a reality tv show. So there.

Webisodes, Weady or What?

FOR MANY OF us who've been trenching over the last little while, the idea of the webisode is still something freakish, and half formed, like Philip Seymour Hoffman or that genetically engineered perfect CBC Radio listener they hunted down and killed in the Atrium last week. (Didn't hear about one? Oh, it happened. Jian and Peter Mansbridge and Rex Murphy are all in on it. George too. But I digress.)

I've seen very few webisodes that I ever really loved. Even ones that connected to shows that I really do like quite a bit. Battlestar Galactica's were mildly interesting. But the idea that they're going to "out" a character in a future webisode just leaves me feeling rather meh. And I'm not entirely convinced that some webisodes under his belt are going to make Jimmy Fallon any better as a future talk show host.

Now that StrikeTV is up and running, you can go and see for yourself if there are any unpolished gems that are getting through without the network 'man' standing in the way.

Of course, here in Canada, it's 1959. The networks here haven't even really started to figure out that they actually need to start making things if they're going to survive at all. (Expect the license renewals later this year to be filled with whinges about 1) how come you won't give us 50 cents per subscriber? and 2) because you won't give us 50 cents per subscriber, we can't make Canadian shows anymore and you shouldn't make us. 3) Wahh. We need to be changed. (I may be stretching the truth on that last one.)

Here's where the CBC -- lamented, complained about, always pilloried -- actually shows a bit of worth.

Being Erica is one of the new shows that's coming to CBC in January. I saw the pilot and it was good, but I haven't seen anything else.

Well, with the launch of their site, BeingErica.ca, you can get a taste of the characters for yourself. The webisodes introduce you to the main character, played by the very winning Erin Karpluk.

But here's where webisodes offer an intriguing way forward, something that benefits both the industry from a training perspective, and the expansion of this new medium.

The Being Erica webisodes were written by the show's story coordinator, under the supervision of one of the other writers. It's a good deal -- a chance to cut your teeth writing. In shorter episode orders, it's not always possible to throw the story coordinator a script. But here's an on-the-job model that allows an opportunity to stretch and have the person try it out.

I think in the future, this is going to be an important first gig for newbie writers before you land your first script. And the best part is, since they're covered as of the last contract -- writing a webisode for a WGC Show can get you your WGC membership.

It may not be paid at a princeley level, but it's a good opportunity, and a model that more shows should try to pursue.

If you're working in the Canadian biz, you can't look to the private networks for the inside scoop on what's going on. They're hopelessly behind the curve. Jill Golick has been blogging recently on her story2oh site about most recent developments. And I have to concur with one of her recent recommendations.

If you loved Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog, go let Jill tell you why you should be checking out Felicia Day's "The Guild."

It's probably the best webisode series I've ever seen. Why? As Jill puts it:

It's Inside the Web World

The Guild gets the web and makes lots of inside jokes that cater to the geekdom. There are hilarious lines like "I lied to my own webcam" and "In the world of management 2.0, you have to be able to trust all your widgets." In Episode 201, there's a great exchange between Codex and Zaboo about T1 lines that almost ignites a romance. There is no one who has their finger more firmly on the pulse of today's web than Felicia Day. And no one who can match her ability to find the humour in it.

It's in the Medium and the Close-Up

The shooting is web-perfect; simple and in close enough to read the emotion on the faces. There's nothing elaborate about the camera work, no dollying or even panning. It's just clean and brightly lit. But the simplicity and nice close shooting helps you connect emotionally with the characters. That connection -- between viewer and character -- is one of the big keys to why this series is so compelling.

She also points to the characters, and the shape of each ep as standout reason why this webisode series works where so many others leave you cold.

I'll make it easy for you. Here's episode one:



If you like what you see, you can always buy the DVD of Season One here.

What about you, readers? Have you discovered any webisode 'gems?' Or is the genre still not ready for pixel-prime time?

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Killer

WILL DIXON over at Uninflected Images Juxtaposed has been link farming and found a really excellent article that goes into the process of a script reader. They're your gatekeeper, kiddies. It's such a good 'get' that I'm just going to send you straight to Will's digs. It's worth the click through, believe me.

You Win This Round, Suzuki...

SO, I WANTED to share a few thoughts on the writing and the conception of "Shifting Waters," my third and final episode of THE BORDER in Season Two. (The Season Finale airs next week.) If you're in Canada, and you missed the ep, you can catch it at your leisure here online at CBC.ca; It's geo-blocked from other countries. Yeah Yeah, Yankees, now you know how we feel.) It's also available for download in the Canadian Itunes Store.

Stories often -- in fact, I'd say usually -- come together in a haphazard way. You might have a piece of one story or another. Generally if you're working off a logline that was in a bible document, there might be some sketchy piece of an idea at the core. Last year, I had a story that was about a celebrity adoption -- that was in the logline; but when my colleague Sarah and I sat down to break it, we were both struck by a book we had been reading about child soldiers called A Long Way Gone; so that became the heart of the episode.

Similarly, I knew going into season two that it would be great to do something about Arctic Sovereignty. If you're in Canada, you're taught in school that all those islands at the top of the world, stretching almost to the pole, and the Northwest Passage itself, are all part of Canada. Most Canadians are surprised when they learn that most other countries, including the United States, don't see it that way. The area is very much in dispute.

As far back as Season One, I had an inkling of wanting to explore that area. Also, hey, the show is called The Border, and there's no more forbidding border than the one in the north. But how do you make something about Canada's "internal waters" and the Northwest Passage exciting? And worse -- how do you do it when you obviously, clearly won't have the budget to go shoot up in the Arctic?

I took a bit of inspiration from two sources. Aficianados of that first glorious year of The West Wing might remember a powerful episode called The State Dinner, where President Bartlett has to deal with all these crises during the middle of the titular diplomatic affair. The climax of the episode involved him talking on the wireless to a small U.S. Navy supply ship that was caught in a hurricane. The scene was just Martin Sheen playing off a disembodied voice, in the middle of the ocean, alone. You never saw the ships. And it was incredibly powerful.

There was also an episode of MI:5 (Spooks in the UK) a couple of years back where there was a conference on Africa that all took place at this stately house in the country. And there was much maneuvering and goings-on.

So I figured that you could do an episode on the Arctic -- all about the Arctic -- without going there, by making it the stakes. Have everything play out at a sort of G-8 summit. Controlled locations, lots of opportunity for intrigue and derring-do.

When we laid out the season, I also saw that this show was going to come in slot 12. Which meant that it was going to be the penultimate episode of the season. Often, in series, the penultimate ep is where you wrap up a lot of the plots that have been bubbling through the season, in order to give some real estate to the season finale. There's also one other consequence to coming before the finale. You know what you're not going to get. There's not going to be too many explosions, chases, or overly elaborate stuntage. All the boom boom and the bang bang gets saved for the last episode.

So I found myself having to turn over and figure out a show that was going to be talkier, with less action, than a lot of our other episodes.

There's only one solution for a situation like that: you've got to have high emotional stakes.

And though we weren't going to go anywhere near the Arctic, you wanted the sense that there was something going on up there. Something immediate, and symbolic. Something that would serve as the objective correlative of the struggle for the region going on at the conference.

Canadian troops are currently serving in Afghanistan. And a sobering ritual takes place every time a body comes home, at least when it comes home, through Toronto and to the bases outside the city. This spontaneous thing just started happening a while ago. People stop their cars and wait on bridges on the Highway 401. They silently wait, and watch, for the funeral procession to pass beneath on the highway below. Having soldiers in harms' way has changed Canadians in some essential way. It has a resonance now that it hasn't had probably since the Korean war. I wanted to honor that change a bit.

Most people who were sentient at that point are going to remember the horror of the Russian submarine Kursk, and the thought of those sailors suffocating under the water, far from home. And Canadians may vaguely recall a problem on a sub that we bought from the UK. It caught fire on its first voyage; one sailor died and the boat limped along in the open sea.

I decided to take these two true life incidents, and spin out fiction from them. So the Canadian sub in jeopardy in the Northwest Passage was born. I deliberately didn't reference either incident directly anywhere in the script. I wanted to prey upon people's vague recollections of something like this happening in the past. That real life resonance would add to the verisimilitude.

So we've got a conference on Arctic Sovereignty. And a sub's crew in jeopardy. And all that's pretty good -- but that's only a bare story area. How do you make it about the characters?

One look at the big board told me that this was the culmination of a multi-episode arc between Charlotte Bates and Mike Kessler. So somehow this had to reflect a struggle between the two of them. And we had, at this point, one other extant couple on the show -- Liz Carver and Gray Jackson, whose professional relationship up til now had been complicated by the fact that they were also having a secret sexual affair.

This felt like something to me. While all the machinations were going on at the macro level with the Arctic conference, which was all about trust, there were trust issues going in the relationships, too. Thematic resonance. Check. And if you're going to have two relationships like that, it stands to reason that if one is about a couple contemplating taking a step forward, and going closer, the other had to be about a couple coming apart. So I felt like I knew what was going on emotionally in those characters. And if there was intrigue, we were going to have to have representatives of the various jockeying nations. That suggested a Minister and his American and other-nation counterparts. So now, all of a sudden, the guest roles were shaping up too.

But I still needed something; some mechanism. Something that ICS could investigate, that would slowly reveal and twist and drive some of the revelations in the show. Looking at the calendar of when this show would air, and working backward, I knew that I wanted something that twisted in the end, that didn't go where you expected it too. I came up with a MacGuffin -- a Presidential Briefing Book for the Arctic conference. First we're not sure that it's real. Then it goes missing. Then it's found and it contains something explosive. Finally, knowing this would air in December, I wanted the final twist to be that the outgoing government of the United States wanted one thing from the conference, and the incoming administration wanted another thing. So the President-Elect would work behind the scenes to try and get a different result.

Here's step one of the "you must let go of your babies." My original conception -- the scene that I had so clearly in my head, right from the beginning, is Slade discovering that there's another group of people at the compound where the conference is taking place. Carver discovers the same thing, in a parallel investigation. And in the end, Mike Kessler walks down a hallway and someone opens a door, and there at the window is a tall black man in a nice suit. Kessler thanks the President-Elect for seeing him, the door closes, and we CUT TO the next scene.

Now, clearly that wasn't in the show. For a whole bunch of reasons, Producer David Barlow, and the rest of the story department walked me through a bunch of scenarios where that scene didn't fit. It put Kessler in a place we didn't see him in. It raised too many questions at the end when we were looking to wrap up; it was too outsized. Funnily enough, the reason that everyone brought up at the time was the one that I felt least worried about: what if Obama doesn't win? I shrugged. I think I even said, glibly, "ah, we can shoot it two ways. Swap in an old white guy for one shot."

But concurrent to all the big story reasons why that was a bad idea, came one more, from legal. Thanks to Canada's reverse onus libel laws, our lawyers told us that we couldn't do that shot in my head. The actor couldn't be a black man. Why not? Because everyone would assume that was referencing Obama. Yeah, so? It's a problem. Could we make it a woman?

No. No we couldn't. Because it ruins the immediate impact of just seeing the....oh....mmmm. Fine.

Sometimes it's very frustrating getting things past. (This is the same reason, by the way, that the seal on the "briefing book" isn't really that close to the U.S. Presidential Seal. It's as close as they would let us make it. If you are going to write for the screen in Canada, you will deal with this kind of stuff all the time. Just try clearing an alternate for Facebook. Brrr.)

Okay, so we're not going to show the President-Elect. Grumble, rejig, rejig.

By the time I get to a completed outline, I try to construct my stories in a deliberate enough way that if you pull one thread near the end, something unravels near the beginning. There were a tense couple of days where there were suggestions like that that had me tearing my hair out a bit. The fixes suggested caused more problems; I had to come up with a way to take the spirit of the very good notes, which were mostly about clarity and motivation, and come up with a fix that didn't undo the other stuff I'd tried to set in motion.

The other big, "kill your darlings" moment for me came just as I started to take the story from the bare bones one pager to something that could be beat out. This was near the end of the seasons, and for various reasons too dull to go into here, getting the story department together to break the ep became too difficult. I got feedback and help as I went along, and notes when I was done -- but I had to break this one largely on my own. Yes. It was hard. Which is why it took a while to get right, and why it convinced me that the easiest, fastest, and most efficient way to break story is always as a group. It allows you to bulletproof as you go in a way that working alone -- especially working alone fast -- just doesn't.

Anyway, I had a giddy brainstorm one night. The thing that was going to make this ep sing. The thing that was going to give the show danger and heft and some extra ooomph.

I was going to kill David Suzuki.

Not the real Suzuki, of course. But if there was going to be a secret deal to sell off mineral resources in the Arctic, I wanted the guy who discovered that, who had a hold of the briefing book, to be a well known Environmental Television Host. I wanted him to be kidnapped for what he knows, and probably killed. And I totally wanted to wink at Suzuki. I wanted people to come up to me and say, "Dude, you killed David Suzuki! You bastard!"

Alas. It was not to be. This one didn't even go to the lawyer. I checked with casting and found that casting that role might not be the easiest thing to do. (Yes there were actors who might have been able to pull them off; no they were not in Toronto and available.) And a point was raised that if we were talking about the Arctic, didn't we need an indigenous person as an activist?


So a character inspired by David Suzuki became Shani Aariak. And once that change was made, a lot of other stuff fell by the wayside, too. I wanted her to be conniving, maybe even a little crooked. But according to the CBC Political Correctness act of 1978, it's apparently impossible to show a First Nations person as anything other than a saint. (I kid, the CBC had nothing to do with that; it's the drift of, well, it's just the way things go for a lot of reasons.)

You pick your battles, and there was a perfectly legitimate way to service the story where the character was only ... opportunistic, and not bent. In the end, you have to be flexible enough to work with what you are handed. And you know what? It's probably the wrong call anyway, in retrospect. You fall in love with guest characters because they're all yours -- you get to make them out of whole cloth. But in an ongoing series, the story is not going to be about them. It can't be. It has to be about your people.

So what about that, then? Well, one of the challenging things about this outline was that I didn't know where exactly the subplot with Gray and his Dad was going until the outline was written. Scripts are written concurrently, remember, and the beats of that arc weren't solidified until late in the process. I had several different scenes and conclusions in there, before what you saw make it to the screen.

And then, occasionally, your research or your scout gives you a cool idea that you wind up folding in. In this case, we were looking at a location north of the city, a corporate training centre, that happened to have a running track that went through the woods. It was pretty cool. I wanted to use it. So I came up with Carver's running interrogation of the Secret Service agent. Luckily, the whole Secret Service being under DHS thing is true (they were moved from Treasury in the post 9/11 establishment of DHS) so that gave us a way to see Carver working some intra-agency stuff, just like we always see between CSIS and ICS in the show. Once I knew we had that location with the running track, I came up with the jogging/sex flashback reverie that starts Carver in the show just for some symmetry.

The show came in over by three minutes -- which I think was the most over we were all season. So a lot had to be cut back. Missing from the show is scenes of Slade discovering that there are other people in the hotel, which leads him to Carver looking into the same thing from her investigation of the Secret Service agent. (The scene that led to the running track.)

There were a bunch of other trims here and there, mostly buttons on scenes that were probably unnecessary. The only scene I really missed was one where Liz Carver came over to Gray's apartment and discovered Dougie. And the two had a wonderful, awkward conversation where Carver tries to tell Dougie that she and Gray "just work together." And Dougie keeps repeating, "you just work together. right." Then at the end, when Dougie and Gray go to stash the unconscious guy, Dougie chooses that moment to tell Gray that "a girl came by today for you. Real good looking." It was great character stuff. But it was totally the right thing to cut. I don't know. I worry a bit that maybe now Carver's arc through the show doesn't seem too clear. She kind of disappears for an act. But you can't have everything. You gotta come to time, after all.

This entry, like the episode itself, is now way too long, and I haven't even said all the stuff that blew me away in the production of this ep: the steady hand of Director Brett Sullivan, the easy chemistry between Graham Abbey and Grace Park and Nick Campbell, the fact that (and I'm REAL proud of this, that this is the first time in 25 episodes of this series where Holland and Kessler actually share a scene (they're usually on the phone,) the fact that if I had known the sub set would look so good, I would have written more there; the wonderful and easygoing nature of pros Patrick McKenna and Nigel Bennet, or even the cool fact that we just decided to give Shani a girlfriend instead of a boyfriend because we had lots of great Shani's but nobody for that other part...but for me the best story out of the production is this.

We shot the scene where Charlotte and Kessler say goodbye. And it was....amazing. James McGowan really, really brought it. We saw Kessler in a place that we've never seen him before. When she says, "congratuations on saving those people," and he responds, "I didn't save anybody," it was so...desolate...that I got goosebumps.

And then the next day the Lab called and said there was a scratch on his closeup.


We had to reshoot it.

And three days later, he looked at the scratched DVD, to see what he'd done, and went out there, and did it again.

Better.

Man. Actors are something.

Anyway, that's Shifting Waters. Fun shoot. I enjoyed writing this script, and I liked how it turned out. Hope you enjoyed it, too.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Border Bits, Now With 20% More Bacon

WELL, I'M MAKING STEADY if not particularly speedy progress on that outline I was fighting last week. Maybe it is too much to ask for creativity when you're hacking up lung matter.

I'd hoped I would get some thoughts up on my final episode of The Border, airing tonight at 9pm on CBC. Now it doesn't look like that's going to happen. I should stay on my pace. In the meantime, before you enjoy the briskly-helmed ep by double-threat Director Brett Sullivan,(he's also one of our editors and a...no, I'm not going to type that. Sigh. Fine. Fine, Okay... a kind and patient lover...Yuck. Sadly, ladies, he's hitched) maybe you could check out a few things I wrote about the making of the ep, while we were making it a few weeks ago. Oh, and I guess you could also read this review of the ep in the Ottawa Citizen.

Here's another look at Rick Mercer's visit to the set.



...and my thoughts on that day's work.

Then there was the bizarro silent cocktail party that took place in the entryway while the crew continued to film on set. And here's a piece from when I was still suffering through the outline for Shifting Waters -- where my writing was called -- much to my delight, "like Cormac McCarthy, but bad."

Heh heh. That still cracks me up.

If you tune in tonight, and really, why wouldn't you? -- Do take special note of McGowan-as-Kessler's work in the last scene (with the exquisite Daisy Beaumont, who I hope they bring back next season. Even if I'm not going to be writing for her, I'm still a big fan of hers.)

There's a story about that last scene in the ep that I'll hopefully tell y'all tomorrow.

And let's spark a discussion right now on a very, very important topic: Is Guest Star Patrick McKenna's goatee hot or not?

Now, back to my outline.

Oh, yeah, I lied about the bacon. But you read to the end. Bacon just does that to a person.

Sit Down, Judith!

UH OH. 10:04 A.M. and we're on Procrastobreak#1. Not a good sign.

You'll have to watch this quick before NBC orders it pulled down (for whatever reason it's not on their site.) But if you're an adult who doesn' t have, say, little kiddies to make the holiday all about them, I imagine you're going to recognize a bit of this...

This sketch had me in stitches.

McKenna Dishes Border

PATRICK McKENNA talks about his guest starring role on tonight's episode of THE BORDER. (CBC, 9pm)

Patrick McKenna plays a great shifty guy. Fortunately, he takes that as a compliment.

"Yes, thank you," McKenna said with a laugh. "I think you kind of have to be shifty to be a Canadian actor. I list it under 'special skills' on my resume."

Well, McKenna's shiftiness comes in handy tonight for his guest appearance on the excellent CBC drama series The Border.

McKenna plays Donald Campbell, the Canadian external affairs minister. Campbell finds himself caught between an Arctic iceberg and a hard place, as the lives of some trapped Canadian sailors are turned into political bargaining chips.

"Denis McGrath wrote the episode and Denis and I are friends," McKenna said. "And Mark Wilson, who plays Moose on The Border, we've been best friends for over 30 years. So I think they put a little buzz in people's ears about me. You know, 'McKenna's available!'

"Because of Mark and Denis, I had been watching The Border and was a big fan. And it's such a great character, very Canadian in terms of meaning well, but somewhat misguided."

I'll have more on that episode a little later today, soon as I earn a blog-break by completing some serious outline stuff.

Friday, December 12, 2008

My Final Border Episode!

MY LAST EPISODE of The Border airs Monday night at 9pm on CBC. The teaser is now up. I'll have more about this later. Yeah, that is Patrick McKenna in the show -- he did a great job for us.


Thursday, December 11, 2008

Tinsel Hockey

I DON'T KNOW what that headline means, exactly. I just like it.

If you're in Toronto, and you're a WGC member, don't forget that the WGC Holiday Party is tonight. Come on out and mix with writers in all their pasty, not-enough-vitamin-D glory.

If you've lost your invite, email me (link's on the sideboard) and I'll hook you up.

Also, I know the WGC West party was the other night. Vancouverites, dish up. Don't whine we don't know what's going on out there when you don't dish the dirty deets.

The comments, they is open below.

Underdogz

YESTERDAY WAS SPENT in a Writers Guild of Canada Council Meeting (coughing into a green handkerchief, yes, ladies he is available...) and there was some interesting stuff -- not all of it bad, believe it or not. Hopefully I'll get into that later.

But here's what caught my eye on the old Google Alert this morning:

Re:10 best U.S. shows you're

probably not watching, Dec. 2

It would be nice if Rob Salem were also to write about Canadian shows you probably aren't watching. One show I never miss is The Border on CBC Monday night. It is every bit as good as CSI and Law & Order but never gets into the Top 10 listed each week in the Sunday Star.

It has well-written stories, top notch acting, lots of action and even sex etc. Anybody I mention the show to usually replies that they [don't] watch CBC. What a shame. They don't know what they're missing.

Albert Speisman, Toronto

Albert was writing in regards to this article on the "10 Best U.S. Shows You're Probably Not Watching."

Now, Rob Salem at the Star is a good guy. Nobody likes TV more than him and he writes what he thinks his audience legitimately wants to read about, same as all journalist/critics. But Albert's letter does poke a bit at something that is an ongoing problem (one of many) when it comes to domestic Canadian product. I write about what writers have to do, and what Canadian creatives have to do all the time. But whenever I point out the fourth estate's shortcomings, I hear grumblings from certain quarters. No matter. People hate to be told they should be doing better... that's just human nature.

I can't speak to other cities in Canada. Thanks mainly to TV, Eh? I do see a lot of their articles, but there's that thing where you don't connect them all together in a pattern like you do with your homegrown stories.

For what it's worth, my impression is that over the last little while, The Toronto Star has slacked off a bit on covering homegrown stuff -- and slacked off in the most important department, which is covering the homegrown stuff right along side the U.S. stuff. I'll get to that in a minute. Alex Strachan in the Canwest Papers gives Canadian shows a good shake, and by far the fairest and best coverage comes from The Globe and Mail. (John Doyle, for instance, has made no secret of the fact that he really doesn't like The Border -- but he has written about it, and plugged it, quite a bit -- and he also is a consistent champion for more domestic tv.)

For most of the rest, they tend to rely on the Canadian Press, when they write a story on something homegrown.

Now, of course, you have to view all this within the context of the very, very serious contraction that's going on in the newspaper business. It seems that intelligent writing about TV, from a local perspective, is going the way of Newspaper Classified Ads. I think that's a huge mistake. Having a local guy like Sepinwall from the Star Ledger or Maureen Ryan from the Chicago Tribune write about something most people do for over 20 hours a week is an important part of connecting with your audience; but that's me. I don't run the presses.

The Globe and the Canadian Press both recently ran stories on the state of Canadian domestic television, with a cautiously optimistic spin. Both articles are informative, as far as they go. I'm not going to knock either one.

But the problem is that that's the only kind of article that Canadian TV gets. Usually in the paper it's treated as a thing apart. In fall preview articles, they spend lots of column space on U.S. shows, and if you're lucky, the Canadian stuff gets covered in a sidebar. In discussions of how the business is changing, Canadian writers may write all about Jay Leno, and the fortunes of NBC, but even for a Canadian audience they don't mention things like the upcoming CRTC license renewal hearings, and how that might affect what homegrown shows there are to watch.

Articles about Canadian TV, when they appear, are also exclusively the province of the Arts sections of papers. In the Business section, they're never, ever discussed -- even when the article is about the pressures facing the industry, Canadian or American. To read an article on Canadian TV networks, in the Globe Report on Business, you'd think that one hundred percent of the point of broadcasting in Canada was to re-broadcast American shows. It's ninety-five percent, true. And Lord knows, they'd probably like for it to be 100 percent -- but it's not. Not yet.

By hiving off and making sure that Canadian TV is usually only talked about in this separate bubble, it subtly reinforces the point of view that it's something different, something, in the stentorian tones of my long-gone Catholic youth: something slightly unholy.

This kind of disconnect and separation is what allows a lot of the misapprehensions and fictions to keep bubbling through; it's what allows some people to turn up their noses at Trailer Park Boys and talk about it like it's an object of shame, and not a show that brings hordes of fans out every time the actors make a personal appearance. It's what allows a double standard where Canadian shows are judged (sometimes) by a harsher yardstick -- and 'judged' is probably the wrong word, what I really mean is "dismissed."

Oh, don't get me wrong. There are a whole host of things that creatives still need to fix about Canadian shows -- at the development level, the production level, and certainly at the promotional level. But moving the needle of the public's opinion is made ever more difficult when there's the subtle intimation that there is TV, and then there is Canadian TV.

What prompted me to write this was a happy accident. I watched my colleague Sarah Dodd's episode of The Border on Monday night. When Sarah was writing this ep and prepping it and putting it together, I was deep into getting the next episode ready -- so I didn't have a lot of familiarity with the material. I think I read the script a couple times, and gave a few notes and suggested a few lines. But it changed in production, as it always does. And I never did watch an early cut. So when I tuned in Monday, I got the closest experience I've ever gotten to seeing an episode of The Border purely as a viewer does.

I was pretty entertained. John Fawcett's an awesome action director. And Sarah's script was emotional, with good personal subplots and stakes. There was a way cool neck-snap at the end that had me going, "whoa!" Fun. The episodes of The Border that weren't written by either of the Senior Writing Producers, Janet MacLean and David Barlow, were always supervised by one of them. This happened to be a Janet episode, and I could see some of the touches that she brings to it - things that she thinks are important to convey. My instincts are not always the same as Janet's, but to watch the finished episode, you can definitely see some choices that I know she pushed for that made the episode better. But... there's Sarah's voice too, and John's and there's Jonas rocking out a few very funny Slade lines, and some fine work from James McGowan, and everyone doing their level best and in the end, it adds up to a very exciting hour of TV, with a nice bittersweet coda.

I did a guest teaching stint at Humber College's Film and TV writing program this week, and one of the things I told them was that it's a miracle that anything good ever winds up on TV, since every single episode of every single show requires about sixty people to do what they do and not screw up at all.

From the couch, it was an entertaining ride. I enjoyed it way more than this week's House, for instance, which I found manipulative and schmaltzy. Isn't that funny? Even in my head, even with all I do to try and argue the opposite, I've got a bit of that double standard at work in my own brain, too. I was surprised that I enjoyed The Border more than House. I don't know why. But I was.

I remember years ago going to a video store and seeing all the Canadian films in the Foreign section. And I thought that said a lot. And I think the editorial "separateness" of Canadian TV accomplishes the same thing. I don't know how to fix it. But it certainly is a factor.

One among many.

EDIT. Wicked. And from the "look how au courant we are" spy this little story in today's Globe. Turns out there's a huge RCMP investigation into gangs infiltrating Canadian airports. Sarah's Border episode, which was written two months ago -- spins out from a gang that has infiltrated the Airport. Score another one for The Border crystal ball!

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

It's A Rough Gig. Wear a Cup

THE PODCAST FOR my appearance on Q yesterday is up now. (I'm last up in the podcast, after an interesting interview with Canadian Simpsons scribe Joel Cohen, among others.)

Bonus points if you can make out me desperately trying not to cough like an idiot.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Wheeze, Cough, ZoS

I'M BEHIND. DREADFULLY. Every time I get traction on this outline, it dissipates. It's a hard nut to crack. And now, after a few fruitless hours, I have to come to terms with the fact that the likelihood of making any real progress while stopping to hack and sneeze every twenty-eight seconds is 1Y34HERGHR;FWXXXXX...whoops...'scuse me.

Anyway, I've switched to catching up on work-related scriptreading for the day...that's going pretty well, oh, except for the broken glasses that fly off my nose every time I...every time I...ahhh ahhh ahhh...ok. I'm ok.

False alarm.

AnywaIPUBHT3R2IHFD;QLFJDAC goDAMNIT!

... point is there's not a whole lot of joy in Sticksville today.


So the friendly bicycle courier at my door is a surprise. He has a package for me from The Movie Network. The Movie Network, for those keeping score, is the only Canadian broadcaster that does a GREAT job of publicity when it comes to its homegrown stuff. (CBC does an OK job, which is to say, they've gotten better at targeting one or two shows a quarter to promote and getting kits and press releases out for them.)

But today's delivery comes with something unheard of in Canadian TeeVee promotion: a bit of swag.


The kit for ZOS: Zone of Separation, an eight part TMN mini coming in January to Canadian viewers (also presumably to Movie Central viewers out west) comes packaged in a replica of a soldier's backpack.

Sure. It's kind of dorky. If you talked to Brioux or Doyle or Salem or one of the jaded "get this all the time" hacks they would likely not be impressed... but the point is, it's something.

It's a bit of flash begging to cut through the clutter. It's going the extra mile.




Nobody else does it, so it's worth noting for the P.R. challenged Canadian networks:

This is kind of how you do it.

I'll review ZoS closer to the airdate, once I've stopped coughing. Seriously, I coughed and sneezed at the same time about a half hour ago, and I think for a minute there I went to the island on LOST.

Jaywalking To 10pm!

SO IT TURNS out when the lights come down in County General's E.R. this May, the timeslot will be getting a facelift. Or at least... A new chin.

Along with the rest of the 10pm hour, five nights a week.

NBC's Jeff Zucker didn't keep people waiting too long yesterday after musing about not being able to develop so many prime time hours in the future. According to the New York Times' Bill Carter, when Jay hands over the Tonight Show to Conan in 2009, Jay will move to 10 o'clock, five nights a week.

The new show, which will begin next fall, is expected to be set in Mr. Leno’s longtime studio in Burbank, Calif. Mr. Leno is expected to retain many of the most popular elements of his “Tonight Show,” including his monologue and bits like “Headlines” and “Jay Walking.” One “Tonight Show” staffmember said the new program would not be a variety show.

Mr. O’Brien, currently the host of NBC’s “Late Night,” will move “The Tonight Show” to a new studio on the NBC Universal lot in Universal City, Calif., in May. Mr. Leno, who is known to want to work as much as possible, would then miss only three months on the air, and would use that time to prepare his new show.

An executive involved in the discussions with Mr. Leno said that Mr. Leno finally came around to the idea that the television business had changed and a show like his could be a success in prime time.

Running the same show in prime time five nights a week would be a novelty for a broadcast network. Such so-called stripped shows have been a staple of daytime broadcasting.

FOX has never programmed 10'o'clock, and that's left NBC feeling jealous. Nobody programs Saturday anymore with original stuff. But what does this do to the business? Who knows?

You could argue that it's a game changer; that aging baby boomers will welcome being able to watch a show like Jay's in prime time before the news and their new earlier bedtimes. Sure, it cannibalizes Tonight Show for guests and screws Conan on the promise they made him, but hey, at least it keeps Jay from going to ABC!

To be honest with you, ceding the 10 o'clock hour seems like a terrible idea to me. I know plenty of, say, young parents who find that slot the only time they can watch tv after the kids are finally to bed and stuff's cleaned up. So you're ceding that young audience right there. I will never, ever, ever watch Jay, so that means you've lost me at 10'o'clock, forever -- or at least as long as this bizarre experiment lasts.

To be honest, it sounds a lot like one of Zucker's more famous treading water gimmicks from the 90's -- "supersizing" hit shows to 40 minutes each instead of developing fresh new product to replace them.

But then again, as the Times points out:

There have been no new hits at 10 p.m. on any network in almost four years; ratings for shows in that time slot continue to fall.


It's definitely a bold change. You have to wonder what the Canadian networks will do with one less source for 10pm shows to cadge. And what does that mean for content, now? Does the edgy stuff that used to run at 10 move to 9 with SVU and CSI: Miami? Does Drama take a hit?

Fifteen million a week for 5 10pm dramas vs. 2 Million a week for Leno. That's quite a cost difference.

Unless it hastens the flight of drama viewers to, say, Cable. There's an opportunity there, too. Especially considering somebody like me, who never really has embraced the stodgy CBS drama -- well, that means now if there's nothing on ABC, am I watching what? Baseball? The News on CBC? Cable? DVD?

The CBC News at 10 suddenly looks like a smart alternative where it never did before. What do you know?

Nikki Finke has more about the Jay-move here.

Monday, December 8, 2008

And They Can Have My Talk Box When They Pry It From My Cold Dead Neck

SINCE NOW IT SEEMS like it might become an increasingly important component of my income, I wish to invite you all to listen to me tomorrow on CBC Radio's Q program, where, in the second hour, I shall be talking about Tv Catch phrases, how they influence the language, and the Triumph of the Meh.

Oh, Dear Blurgh...

THANKS TO MEDIA MELTDOWN Monday, I find myself wondering whether I should change the name of the blog.

I mean, have you seen the price of sticks lately?

Time was I'd tell this joke with glee:

"Q: What's the difference between a Canadian screenwriter and a pizza?
A: A Pizza can feed a family of four."

Not so funny anymore, izzit?

Gawrsh, I hope my family enjoys the oranges I'm getting them for Christmas.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Merciful Mercer

WELL IN CASE anyone hasn't seen it, the inimitable Rick Mercer manages to be not a bit funny and make more sense out of the last week in Canadian politics. And his conclusion (which I share) is that it's vitally important than more than one head roll for us to get out of this.

Forgive them Canada; they know not what they do.

Not long after Stephen Harper took office as Canada's 22nd prime minister, a polar bear was born at the Berlin Zoo. Known as Knut, the cub was summarily rejected by his mother and so was nursed by human beings. Now, two years later, animal psychologists admit that he has become so addicted to human laughter and applause that, the instant those things disappear, he becomes desolate and cries for attention. This has led to irrational behaviour never before seen in a polar bear. Experts fear that, without constant applause, Knut could lose the will to live.

Enter Stephen Harper.

During the past week, while the nation wondered if the government would fall, junior Conservative staffers were ordered to be outside 24 Sussex Dr. by 6:15 in the morning. Their job was to stand there in the dark with the temperature well below zero and wait for the PM to appear. Their instructions were to applaud, wave and sing O Canada loudly as the motorcade pulled out of the gates and drove Stephen Harper to work.

Mr. Harper, by all accounts, actually believed that the young people were there of their own accord and represented a groundswell of love and support for his actions. Staffers in the Prime Minister's Office know that he is easier to handle when being applauded and not questioned. This way, nobody has to suffer at the hands of the inconsolable bear.

Enter Stéphane Dion.

Go read the rest. Well worth it.

So Long and Thanks For all The Cursing

TRAILER PARK BOYS, we hardly knew you.

I really hope Ricky straightens out and gets his Grade 12.

Elsewhere in the same section in the Weekend Globe, John Doyle talks to Mike Clattenburg about the TPB phenomenon. It's always been troubling to me that such are the vagaries of our system that something that's an actual breakthrough hit can lag being recognized as such.

For all the talk elsewhere about the "rising importance" of CanCon shows -- it was Clattenburg & Co. that consistently had punters waiting out in the cold for a glimpse of the boys. Why?

Well that's the question you should be trying to answer if you're writing that pilot right now.

As for me, I'm gonna just crack a cold one, shoot off a few rounds, stop with the thinkin' and just wait to see what Clattenburg does next.

Trailer Park Boys: Say Goodnight to the Bad Guys premieres at 10pm tonight on Showcase.