Here's Why I Hate That...

Welcome to anybody surfing in courtesy of A.Epstein's Complications Ensue. I'm new at this. Be gentle.

I am a man of strong opinions. One of my dear colleauges from my sojourn in South Africa, a writer of sitcoms (they have plenty down there) named Dennis Venter, busted me in the room for what became my catch phrase. Apparently I'd sit back and chew on an idea, and in a not-unkind way, say, "Here's why I hate that."

Oprah I am not.

Alex thinks I should have called this "Here's Why I Hate That," but I don't think that reflects how I feel generally about TV or what I do or the people I get thrown together to do it with. But it does sort of nose around the question, "why do this?" I mean....no one needs another screenwriter blog. Especially from a guy whose (hopefully) best credits lie in front of him.

Okay. So: in no particular order:

I currently have no ambitions whatsoever to write screenplays.
I do not have a screenplay spec.
I think the form is hostile to the point of homicide to writers.
There is nothing I would like better than to work on a series of good series, where you can follow a group of interesting characters. There is simply no way to have a character in a film that's as nuanced, shaded and interesting as the characters in the best long-running series. That's the form I love. I'm committed to it completely.

Now there's just one problem:
I live in Canada.
Are you laughing yet?

No? Then how 'bout this:
I live in Canada and I have a US Passport.
Okay, someone just did a spit take. Awesome.

The conversation I've had 4329 times in the last couple of years:

"You're AMERICAN?"
"Yup. Well, dual, actually."
"Where you from?"
"The Bronx."
"No shit."
"Serious, dude. You should hear my parents."
"And you work in TV?"
"Uh huh"
long, uncomfortable pause.
"Why don't you go to L.A., man?"

What's the answer to that? I'm never entirely sure. There are a bunch of mini-answers.

Mini answer number one: George W. Bush.

I know. It's cheap. But I was wavering with the moving down thing in 2003. In 2005, not so much.

I have no L.A. contacts. None. My career has so far been here. I have, in that wonderful parlance, "mystery credits." Hart Hanson toiled on Traders for years here before he went down. In my head I always thought if I were to make the trek, it would be as a middle-guy here trying to get table scraps there. I've been working fairly steadily, so I didn't worry about it.

The problem, though, is that writing drama or comedy in Canada can be a frustrating, and weird experience. L.A. gets to read about Runaway Productions. Canadians get to watch as buyers from the Canadian networks go down to the L.A. screenings and come back with armfuls of new goodies that they then schedule at the same time as they run in the US, and scoop up the ad dollars, and pat themselves on the back and say, "aren't we clever broadcast executives?"

Because they're good shoppers.

Now, not all executives are like this here. There are those who want to get good work done. But the hurdles, and the peculiar pessimism in the Canadian character make it a fraught and often demoralizing experience.

So why do I do it?

I love tv.

And because there's so little work, really, you don't get pegged as much as you do in the Land of the (Formerly) Free and the Home of the (Well, not if you agree with Bill Maher) Brave: I write animation, and half-hour comedy, and sci-fi, and hourlong drama, and documentaries. For God Sakes, I've even written this.

That's what this blog is about. Oh, and the neurotic reality of being a writer. And Dead Things On Sticks. Which I haven't explained, I know. But I'm getting to it.

Anyway, welcome. Feel free to kick the tires a bit.