Allllmost back. One more day in the sun, reading books, not worrying about cold or words or concepts or the weirdness that is "the tv people." But coincidentally, I opened up my email box yesterday and saw the unmistakable signs of a writer expurging himself immediately post-project. This is a good thing -- cause the turn this blog's gonna take for a while is more tough love for the writer's soul. And I'm more than happy to lett Matt MacLennan kick that off.
Matt MacLennan is just finishing up a gig as a writer on a new CBC show called "The Wild Roses." He has also worked on Whistler, Billable Hours, and 15/Love, among others. Toronna, see ya tomorra. Over to you, Matt.
Ok, so I’ve been asked this a buncha times: “How do I be a writer?”
And my answer is usually, “Learn some god-damned sentence structure for one. You have the grammar skills of a dyslexic four year-old. Honestly… Oh what? Are you crying? Really? Crying? Cry all you want. Your tears bring me joy.”
Just kidding. I don’t say that. I’d be a prick if I said that.
I usually answer with nothing. Because I am a prick who fancies himself too busy to answer questions (that’s right, I fancy myself – obviously I’m a narcissistic prick).
Anyway, new policy. I’m answering the question.
For those of you who are writer/screenwriter/journalist friends, I would appreciate any input, feedback and even insults pertaining to this little project. Between all of us we should be able to come up with the ultimate list. Then we can go nail it to the WGC office doors just for kicks (it’s the closest thing to a church we have).
PART THE FIRST:
This first part is all about one thing.
Attitude.
The rest of the list I’m going to provide won’t mean a damn thing if you don’t get these things down pat first:
1. Write because you love it. Seriously. Think about what motivates you to do this shit. It’s a crazy job. Who the hell wants to talk to themselves and imaginary people all day in complete isolation without any promise of success? What are you, a glutton for punishment? If you love the whole crazy process fine but…
If you're after power, want your ego stroked, or enjoy manipulating and controlling fellow carbon based life forms then go have kids, take up S&M in earnest like you’ve always wanted or build and destroy a small nation … Whatever you do - please stay the hell out of the writing racket. Trust me there are enough self-serving assholes populating this little village of creatives already.
And for the love of whatever God you may or may not believe in – please do not do it for the glory. Eugh.
Generally speaking no one gives a shit about writers. They exist behind the scenes doing their work quietly, hanging out in the white spaces in between the words. People bitch about it but, in truth, that’s one of the best things about the gig – you don’t exist which is kinda magic. Enjoy being behind the curtain just like the Wizard of Oz did. If you step out from behind it too much then everyone will find out that we’re all schmucky, pale introverts pulling levers, tossing smoke bombs and throwing ideas at walls hoping they stick.
2. Pack a lot of intent – it’s a long haul to get anywhere. If you don't want to really really really write then don't. No, I’m serious. Otherwise you bust your ass for years and years, get good enough to achieve some kind of success, then you realize it's always a lot of work even when you know what you're doing (too much work if you don't love it) then you stop writing.
It's a waste of precious valuable life time. I’ve seen people do that. It’s a heartbreaker.
3. Bring a bag of focus - it's hard. It's going to take a lot of tenacity, drive and dedication even if you really want to do it. A recent study suggests that it takes over 10,000 hrs. of work (in a quality environment) to properly master any skill (which is about 5 years if you’re working at it something 40hrs. a week). And once you’re good you have to actually find a job which takes some time.
Dig in. Even if you’re good it’s gonna be a long haul.
4. Be a good person. I shouldn’t have to tell you how to do this. Your parents should’ve covered it but in case they fucked up here are a couple ground rules: be kind, treat others with respect, celebrate their successes, be honest, help, don’t suck up, endeavour to learn from people instead of judging them, foster the creativity of others instead of smothering it with your ego.
And don’t stab anyone in the back unless you want to find some steel between your own ribs one day.
I find writers are remarkably handy with a blade when retribution calls.
5. Ditch the torture. No one reading this is tortured. Thanks to the twin accidents of geography and history and the complete fluke that was your birth, you have been inherited the lifestyle of an entitled prince or princess - and not even because you deserved it.
Yeah, yeah, life’s hard, your parents didn’t love you enough, your ex is banging someone who looks just like you blah, blah. We all have our misery. If you’re selling yourself some story about your sad sack life or how you’re so hard done by then don’t be a writer. The “tortured artist” is a cliché that should’ve been deleted long ago.
Right now there’s a guy who earns less than a dollar a day to find land mines with a stick – he has the right to complain.
You?
You should shut the fuck up and get back to work.
Speaking of which…
Stay tuned for PART THE SECOND - a.k.a. PART DOS, a.k.a THE NEXT PART and a.k.a. WHY THE HELL AM I WRITING THIS INSTEAD OF WRITING MY SCRIPT?
And my answer is usually, “Learn some god-damned sentence structure for one. You have the grammar skills of a dyslexic four year-old. Honestly… Oh what? Are you crying? Really? Crying? Cry all you want. Your tears bring me joy.”
Just kidding. I don’t say that. I’d be a prick if I said that.
I usually answer with nothing. Because I am a prick who fancies himself too busy to answer questions (that’s right, I fancy myself – obviously I’m a narcissistic prick).
Anyway, new policy. I’m answering the question.
For those of you who are writer/screenwriter/journa
PART THE FIRST:
This first part is all about one thing.
Attitude.
The rest of the list I’m going to provide won’t mean a damn thing if you don’t get these things down pat first:
1. Write because you love it. Seriously. Think about what motivates you to do this shit. It’s a crazy job. Who the hell wants to talk to themselves and imaginary people all day in complete isolation without any promise of success? What are you, a glutton for punishment? If you love the whole crazy process fine but…
If you're after power, want your ego stroked, or enjoy manipulating and controlling fellow carbon based life forms then go have kids, take up S&M in earnest like you’ve always wanted or build and destroy a small nation … Whatever you do - please stay the hell out of the writing racket. Trust me there are enough self-serving assholes populating this little village of creatives already.
And for the love of whatever God you may or may not believe in – please do not do it for the glory. Eugh.
Generally speaking no one gives a shit about writers. They exist behind the scenes doing their work quietly, hanging out in the white spaces in between the words. People bitch about it but, in truth, that’s one of the best things about the gig – you don’t exist which is kinda magic. Enjoy being behind the curtain just like the Wizard of Oz did. If you step out from behind it too much then everyone will find out that we’re all schmucky, pale introverts pulling levers, tossing smoke bombs and throwing ideas at walls hoping they stick.
2. Pack a lot of intent – it’s a long haul to get anywhere. If you don't want to really really really write then don't. No, I’m serious. Otherwise you bust your ass for years and years, get good enough to achieve some kind of success, then you realize it's always a lot of work even when you know what you're doing (too much work if you don't love it) then you stop writing.
It's a waste of precious valuable life time. I’ve seen people do that. It’s a heartbreaker.
3. Bring a bag of focus - it's hard. It's going to take a lot of tenacity, drive and dedication even if you really want to do it. A recent study suggests that it takes over 10,000 hrs. of work (in a quality environment) to properly master any skill (which is about 5 years if you’re working at it something 40hrs. a week). And once you’re good you have to actually find a job which takes some time.
Dig in. Even if you’re good it’s gonna be a long haul.
4. Be a good person. I shouldn’t have to tell you how to do this. Your parents should’ve covered it but in case they fucked up here are a couple ground rules: be kind, treat others with respect, celebrate their successes, be honest, help, don’t suck up, endeavour to learn from people instead of judging them, foster the creativity of others instead of smothering it with your ego.
And don’t stab anyone in the back unless you want to find some steel between your own ribs one day.
I find writers are remarkably handy with a blade when retribution calls.
5. Ditch the torture. No one reading this is tortured. Thanks to the twin accidents of geography and history and the complete fluke that was your birth, you have been inherited the lifestyle of an entitled prince or princess - and not even because you deserved it.
Yeah, yeah, life’s hard, your parents didn’t love you enough, your ex is banging someone who looks just like you blah, blah. We all have our misery. If you’re selling yourself some story about your sad sack life or how you’re so hard done by then don’t be a writer. The “tortured artist” is a cliché that should’ve been deleted long ago.
Right now there’s a guy who earns less than a dollar a day to find land mines with a stick – he has the right to complain.
You?
You should shut the fuck up and get back to work.
Speaking of which…
Stay tuned for PART THE SECOND - a.k.a. PART DOS, a.k.a THE NEXT PART and a.k.a. WHY THE HELL AM I WRITING THIS INSTEAD OF WRITING MY SCRIPT?
I'm ready for part dos. What about y'all?
13 comments:
Don't suck up? What kind of advice is that, Matt?
Trust me people -- writers LOVE to be sucked up to. Especially by actors, but it's pretty good from other writers. Network execs EXPECT to be treated in a HIGHLY RESPECTFUL WAY, as do directors. Producers are often VERY VERY TOUCHY. And stars -- what do you think?
People in showbiz get so little respect, we appreciate whatever suck-up-age we can get.
Alex, I cannot help but strongly disagree in the most expansive possible terms.
What you're talking about, Matt covers in his be a good person thing.
I don't need to be sucked up to. Sucking up is a very, very different thing than giving someone their proper respect and trying to understand where they're coming from.
The sucking up that Matt is referring to is the obsequious, over-solicitous, "yes sir, everything is awesome, sir, you are good-looking sir!" which makes my skin crawl, and which doesn't help anybody improve their work, or get to truth. It's the ploy of those who figure it's more important to prey upon the ego and vanity of someone they've sized up as needy, rather than supporting them through true, honest, and positive examination of their work, in the course of making their work, and the end product, better.
Suckups are like weeds. They may thrive for a while, but eventually, left unchecked, they kill the whole fucking garden.
Don't suck up to me. Tell me what you like; what you don't, and what can be improved, along with any and all your ideas for doing so -- and do it in such a way that you show respect and sensitivity for me as an artist and a human being.
Any more than that, and you're sucking up. And sucking up sucks.
Denis....damn, it's just that you and Alex and Matt are so awesome and so handsome, and smart too.
Too much?
But extra kudo's to Matt for stepping up to the plate and swinging away.
Never trust a suck up, Epstein. They're overcompensating which means they lack ability/talent. Not something you want in a compatriot when you're going to war.
Sucking up creates the illusion that you're scoring points - but really it's telegraphing insecurity and inability.
Respect. Aye. Always respect. Especially yourself - which is, again, a reason not to suck up.
How about when a person is trying really hard to not suck-up and in pretending like they don't care who you are, they end up being insulting in their extreme criticism of your work.
I guess that'd be a blow-down?
What about - know what the hell you're talking about? "Pulling levers, tossing smoke bombs and throwing ideas at walls hoping they stick" sure doesn't sound like it's worthy of much - let alone having anything sucked...
And if memory serves, The Wizard turned out to be an imbecile while Dorthy and the gang had the answers all along.
Mad props for keeping cranky alive and well, mcf. Not enough of that in the writing community - or the world in general. I gotta say I’m not down with the “sucking” pun though, that was a reach and made me feel a little dirty in my danger zone.
I apologize if the metaphor is an affront to you.
I'm assuming you were looking for further explanation - if you just wanted to rant at my idiocy then please ignore the rest of this post – it’s by an idiot.
Here’s what I was getting at:
Believing that a writer is a deity of all things, interweaving elements together with some mystical power or brilliance unattainable by the mere mortal is bullshit.
That kind of self-congratulatory thinking breeds arrogance. Arrogance breeds ignorance (i.e. if you think you know everything then you stop striving to learn and ignore all other voices). Next stop is stagnation, shitty writing and the eventual death of creativity.
I have met a lot of good writers, a few incredible ones and a lot of bad ones. One trait that seems to separate the good from the bad is just a titch of humility. The understanding that, no matter what you've written before, how much skill you've got, how amazing you are as a writer, how many thousands of pages you've hammered out in the past you're still taking a flying leap onto a blank page every time you write.
I see guys who’ve been working in this business for 20+ years who have an amazing talent and honed their skill to some kind of savant, samurai kinda thing I can't even wrap my head around. But they also get that unmistakable gleam in their eye sometimes that tells me they’re about to push themselves into unfamiliar territory and hope for the best because they’re not 100% sure what the hell they’re doing – and they’re as excited as hell about it and a little bit scared.
Makes me so damn happy when I see that because it gives me hope. If I ever stop feeling that way when I sit down in front of a blank page then I’ll have to quit this gig for good.
Look, you don't have to believe me. But you should believe William Goldman - that man knows some shit. And he summed up the same notion with this:
Nobody knows anything.
Matt, you're taking exception with me and giving A. Epstein's response a pass??? Gimme a fucking break.
How Do I Be A Writer? According to you - have an attitude, be prepared to work really hard, be nice. Simple enough. Thanks. But let's not forget A.E.'s touch of CAPITALIZED douche -- expect your peers to want to suck your dick.
As for the Goldman quote, once again, thanks. But I stick by my amendment for your readers: you want to write? Tell me what you know.
And suddenly there's all this manly hostility!
Whew.
Anyway, something about your last comment Matt, about the attitude of humility, reminds me of something that I read once about journalists. I wish I could remember who said it but the basic gist was that journalism took a really wrong turn when journalists started thinking of themselves as part of the elite.
The working class roots of journalism led to more honesty. You look at things even going back to Watergate -- it was two City reporters who broke that. Not the elite press corps.
In the argument between craft and artistic inspiration I will always take craft. I distrust any writer who goes into it thinking they're doing something lofty. I don't worry about "being blocked" or anything like that because you just have to power through it.
Nobody that makes up worlds and people and has them say anything is every going to be truly 'humble.' But the effort is what makes the difference, I think.
mcf, I answered Epstein's comment before you even posted yours. Scroll up, you seem to have tunnel vision.
If Write what you know? is your holy mantra then you seem to know a lot of anger and frustration. Keep an eye on that - it'll fuck you up before it fucks anyone else up.
Your comments don't seem to be volunteered in the spirit of discourse. Hate away if that's what you need to get through your Tuesday but I'm gonna bow out.
Don't get me wrong - I love a good tussle - I just find this conversation isn't in the spirit of the dmc's blog. Readers are looking for information - not exchanges between two egomaniacs butting heads for attention.
I would like to point out that my post was CLEARLY one of SEVERAL so you might want to bite your tongue and keep the anger on ice until it's all said and done. Then, at the very least, you'll have a whole buncha reasons to visit your hate upon me.
hey! get back to writing the script.
Yeah, Matt, I didn't know blindmind was you. Tell you what, I'll up you a holy mantra for that handle. How's about, "there's nothing to fear but fear..itAAAHH!"
Kidding aside, thanks for putting up (with)more than I'm sure you bargained for.
Respect. Aye. Always respect -indeed.
i like when my toes get sucked. is that the same thing?
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