Of Clomps and Keesters and Total Stupidity

SAY FOR a moment that you had an industry, selling...oh...let's call them clomps. And the clomp industry went very seriously awry, because for years and years, clomps had been sold in the clompity-clomp format. Then they switched to the Mark II Clompy. Oh, along the way they tried to get people to buy the 8-Clompy and ClompyMag and other stuff. But when they went to the Mark II Clompy, they jacked the prices and for a while the clomp industry was flush because everyone went and replaced their clompity clomps with Mark II clompys.

But then somebody came along and figured out a way to squeeze out the clompy juice and send 'em shooting through a series of tubes for free. The clomp industry was pretty dumb about this, and did nothing for a long time, and then they turned to lawyers, which was even dumber, and sued their customers. Which was dumbest. And the clomp industry basically imploded.

And the one bright spot in this was a magic fairy named Jobby who figured out a way to make a no-fuss service where people could get the clompy juice through the series of tubes, but pay a really small fee for it. And a lot of people went for it, because not everyone thought that they had a god given right to drink clompy juice for free.

Now say those stupid clomp fuckers wanted to bung it all up, and wreck the thing that Jobby fixed and they couldn't make work.

And worse, say there was another industry, selling, oh, I don't know...let's call them Keesters. For the longest time, you had to buy Keesters in a hard format. And then, like with the clomps, somebody figured out a way to extract the juice from the Keester Plant and shoot it through the tubes -- for free. And at the same time, they were trying to get people to choose between Keesters that came in black and Keesters that came in blue, and the blue Keesters wouldn't play on the Black Keester machines, and most people were saying...hmm...no...no...maybe the thing to do is wait and see if we can skip over the whole Hard Keester thing altogether. After all, with all those clomps and keesters, nobody had any shelf space left anymore.

So one day Jobby stepped in and said, "No, no -- wait, let's not let this get out of hand. Let's set a fair, small price and maybe most people will get in the habit of buying the no-muss, no fuss version, and enjoy their Keester juice our way. Let's all remember what happened with the clomps. We don't need another clomp catastrophe."

And say, even though that made a whole lot o sense -- let's just say that the Keester maker who was really not doing very well at all in the Keester popularity contest, decided that wasn't good enough and they wanted more dosh for their Keester juice, even though the thing was catching on really really well, and even though they were competing with the people drinking the Keester juice for free. And all this, even though they'd already seen what happened with the @#%!^ing clomps.

You'd think they'd wise up, wouldn't you? You think they'd listen to the magic Jobby who was the only fecker who made the thing work, don't you?

Nope.

Which just goes to prove:

You can be a big time executive, but that doesn't mean that you don't deserve to get clomped in the keester.

Sheesh. I mean really. Sheesh.