Iiiiiiiiiiiit's SATAN!

MY POOR FRIEND Dennis Heaton (Blood Ties, FIDO) is liable to be up for a lashing from the fundies, thanks to an article in today's Playback Daily.

Cleverly titled "CFC sides with Satan" (Yup, that's gonna look great on a lot of search listings...) it outlines the twisted (oh, and groundbreaking!) shorts now underway, helmed by the man who should never, ever be referred to as "the other Den(n)is."

A series of five-minute shorts about mismatched roommates -- one of them, Old Nick himself -- has gone to camera at the Canadian Film Centre through its TV pilot program. My Pal, Satan by writer/creator Dennis Heaton features Rachel Wilson as a "fresh-faced Pollyanna" who happens to split her rent with the Devil, played by Jefferson Brown.

Their clashes range from mundane matters, such as toilet seat placement, to the cosmic.

Heaton (Fido, Blood Ties) also showruns, working with CFCers including producer Bryce Mitchell (For All the Marbles) and director Vivieno Caldinelli (Hotbox).

The six shorts are expected to be online at the CFC site, perhaps by spring, with hopes of snaring a broadcaster's attention.

Notice to fulminating fundies: Heaton is more than up for the job of Secular Paladin of truth, skepticism, and the frickin hilarious.

Free Tickets To the WGC Awards: A Dead Things Contest

A COUPLE OF entries have trickled in so far. And I must say, props to reader T. who's currently in the lead with an entry that I will never, ever, ever, EVER be able to reproduce here.

But I appreciate the vitriol and what I can only interpret as an effort to invent ENTIRELY NEW SWEAR WORDS. If you missed it the first time, here's the rules... and I've added a THIRD topic for your consideration:

DEAD THINGS ON STICKS WGC SCREENWRITING AWARD
TICKET GIVEAWAY RULES AND REGS


In order to qualify for the ticket giveaway, you have to write something for me. You don't have to be a writer -- the job is open to any kind of broadcast industry professional. Each ticket is a $100 value!

You have a choice of two three topics:

• My Daily Creative Process -- this is the topic of preference, most likely, for writers or aspiring scribes. You can be funny, disconnected and discombobulated, earnest, tongue-in-cheek, reflective, accusatory, weepy, manic, or even creepy (though I'd advise against the latter.) Remember the takeaway: it's fun if you offer some useful tip, hard-earned truth, or simple homespun advice about your secret for getting through the day without letting procrastination defeat you.
  
  If you're not a writer, or if your process is protected like the Colonel's 11 Herbs and Spices (ps. the secret ingredient is fear) you might want to wax eloquent on our other topic:
  
  
• If I Could Change One Thing About My Job --aha..the preferred topic of overworked production secretaries, P.A.'s, story coordinators, 3rd A.D.'s, Closed Captioners, Sales Assistants, Junior Publicists and Hobos. It doesn't have to be a slam-fest. Don't jeopardize your low-paying, low-status position. You can write about your job in the industry, or the job that you do to try and steal some hours to be creative while hoping that you'll graduate one day to having the latter pay the bills.
  
  
• [NEW] Exit the Gas -- What happens when venerable Canadian TV success story Corner Gas leaves the field? Will it be immediate chaos? Will Little Mosque finally start winning awards? Will crazed prairie hordes descend on the cities since there's no longer not a lot going on? Will another show step up to become Canada's best-loved homegrown series? Will Jon Dore get the Order of Canada? Any nightmare scenario, fabulist fantasy, or wish fulfilling, odd and twisted conspiracy theory you want to envision -- let'er rip.
  

Obviously, these shouldn't be screeds designed as a cry for help or a settling of scores. Any essays of this type will be disqualified.

The essays (800 words max) can be submitted by email to heywriterboy@hotmail.com They should also include a description of yourself, up to 15 words in length, and phone & email contact information (which will not be shared with telemarketers, government officials, or online dating services) so I can get in touch with you. The subject heading should be "DTOS Screenwriting Awards Contest Entry."

HOW YOU WIN:

There are two tickets available. They will be awarded thusly:

ONE TICKET & THE CANADIAN SCREENWRITER SUBSCRIPTION will be awarded to the essay judged the best overall. The decisions of the Sticksville Judges is final, and involves a highly technical process employing super intelligent readers, helper monkeys, and a poultice made from the tears of unicorns. That essay will be reproduced in this space. The winner will also be entitled to be referred to at the awards as "the Squire of Sticksville."

ONE TICKET will be awarded in a RANDOMLY SELECTED DRAW of all entrants.

By submitting to the contest, you give Dead Things ON Sticks the right to reproduce any part of your essay.

There you go. Tickets are non-transferrable. To claim tickets, winners will have to show I.D. at the door of the awards.

DEADLINE FOR ENTRY is 5:00 p.m., FRIDAY APRIL 10th.

Treat Yourself

I'M JUST TOO busy at the moment to really be able to do a proper review for IN TREATMENT, besides twittering things like "OMG Crack Crack Crack!" but if you have interest in the show, you should check out Alan Sepinwall's interesting article about the behind the scenes process of making the show, and why Season 2 is mor of an "adaptation" rather than a "translation" of the Israeli source material.

Warning, though, there's mild spoilage over who the new patients are -- if you'd like to meet them fresh, don't read further, and don't click the link.

I will say of the new cast members, I find Allison Pill and John Mahoney the most affecting.

Both HBO in the USA and HBO Canada here are following a different strategy this year with the show. Research showed that most people watched the show On Demand in chunks, or saved it up on PVR, rather than watch the half-hour, one ep a night.

So the eps are now split up over two nights, with 2 eps premiering Sunday April 5 at 9:00pm, and the remaining three the next night at 9:00 pm. That pattern, 2 Sunday, 3 Monday, will recur throughout the run.

Random TV Thoughts

IN THE MIDDLE of three things, so because we haven't done it for awhile, a couple of Big TeeVee (TM) observations and questions.

(Minor spoilage below for...Life on Mars series finale and Being Erica's season finale)

• Niiiiice twist at the end of the BEING ERICA season 1 finale. Resolution to the season-long arc about the brother and ... a new therapist? Whatever can it all mean?
  
  
• For the life of me, I cannot figure out if the finale of the American LIFE ON MARS was good, bad, trippy, cheesy or just weird. I suspect it's a combination of all those things. And there certainly are things that don't track. I mean, if Sam is actually in 2035, then his memory of 2008 might be nostalgia (although why anyone would be nostalgic and want to go back to that ass-year is beyond me) but then his going back to 1973 is roughly akin to me going back to 1952. I don't know anything about 1952. I mean, not really. Is that around when the Rosenbergs died? Ike would have been elected President. That's it. That's what I know about 1952. Also, Sam's big reaction of looking up and seeing the Twin Towers in the pilot...would he really have an emotional reaction to a set of buildings he'd never seen in life?
  
  Yet for all the tacked on feel -- the little rover-y thing that was all over the finale showed up in a very early episode...so there's evidence to say this is the ending they wanted all along. Like I said. good? bad? trippy? cheesy? or just weird?
  
  
• Still watching UNITED STATES of TARA and starting to feel a little like what I imagine female viewers must feel like watching a Judd Apatow movie. There's not a single truly interesting, developed male character on the show. I love John Corbett, but that character is totally coasting on the actor's charm. The son...the Canadian kid whose name I can never remember...plays his part well, but he's a variation on that stock role I've seen in a hundred other things. When you find yourself hoping Patton Oswalt (who's great in everything) will show up more, you know there's trouble.
  
  
• I got screeners for the second season of IN TREATMENT from TMN. The second season premieres this weekend. I've watched all of week one.
  
  Quite simply, this show is crack. Pure, 100% crack. Damn.
  

WTF? OPF (Other People's Foolin')

YOU KNOW ONE of the sucky things about being a writermole is that when the weather turns and the spring comes, you must stay inside lest the frolic take your fancy. So it is that I'm reading and re-reading scripts, having a call, and getting ready to revise a freelance draft that missed le mark, while sipping Pellegrino with lemon and feeling the Sun Beat through the solarium window. It's not being outside, but it's a pretty good second. I feel like a cat.

Anyway, another break and lo and behold, some other people's pretty funny April Fool's jokes.

Did you know that the UK Paper The Guardian is soon going all-Twitter? Or what about this fantastic on Dashboard TV service?

Meanwhile, Bill Brioux thinks Obama should solve the CBC crisis by firing the middle managers (not a bad idea.) Alex has got a modest new proposal from Konrad, Google -- who LOVES its April Fool's jokes, introduced CADIE -- a sentient computer that gets better when you hit her homepage... and then there's the Hotelicopter.

Of course, in many ways, the BBC's spaghetti harvest is still the grandaddy of them all.

Oh, and the snow in Vancouver today was not an April Fools joke. Still, let me the first Torontonian to say...ahem... HAHAH!

Anybody else got anything awesome, put it in the comments below.

What A Fool Believes

FIRST OFF, AS far as I know, CTV is not buying Global, and there is no imminent rise of CTV Canglobemedia in the offing.

But this morning's little April Fool's debacle, meted out in little controlled bursts, offers, I think, a few teachable moments in relation to screenwriting.

First, though, a personal observation. I remember when I first hit school after we moved to Canada, when April Fool's Day came up, I was bewildered by the insistence that the whole thing was supposed to end at noon. Teachers would be adamant about the fact...something that if you played a joke after noon, then you were the fool, bub.

I've spent a little over twenty years now thinking that's bullshit. Something the teachers made up to snap the lid back on the chaos and get control of their classrooms.

So this morning I'm trying to decide when to pull the pin on the whole thing -- and I do a little research. And what do you know? Apparently, in certain nations such as the UK and Canada, the tradition is indeed that the jokes end at noon. Why was I so skeptical of the fact? Because in OTHER nations, such as the USA and Ireland, you're fair game for the whole day. So how's about that?

Now...what we can learn from the April Fool's Joke and apply to the Craft of Screenwriting?

• Basic plausibility allows you to slip in the ridiculous; just like a spoonful of sugar making the medicine go down.
  
  The idea of Naked News replacing a National Newscast is pretty out there. But with the chaos and sturm and drang going down right now in Canadian media, the idea that Canwest and CTV might merge doesn't seem that far out of whack. It's a testimony to how ridiculous our media situation has become. You know, I type this right now and for all I know, hell, there could actually be talks going on. Would it really surprise you?
  
  The X Files got five good years (and another 3 besides) out of this kind of thing.
  
  
• Let the rope out slowly.
  
  Weaving a tale, laying a trap -- requires patience. Laying those cards down early is key. I actually paved the way for my post this morning with another post that seemed totally plausible. So plausible that more than a few people who cottoned onto the joke of the CTV Global merger still speculated as to what the "real" announcement at 5:30 would be.
  
  
• Details, details, details.
  
  The little things are always what sell it. BSG worked because it seemed to get some basic military stuff right. The terms, the actions, the jargon "felt" right. Similarly, E.R. raised the bar forever as to what you needed to know to sell a medical show. If you go back now and watch a medical show from the 70's, it's laughable. You understand everything the Doctors are saying. When's the last time that happened in real life? So I mixed in reality about the Minister making his visit to Flashpoint, the lobbying that's been done over the last little while, and mixed in references to stages being erected and traffic being snarled, and real-life details like people who actually want to buy some local stations and return them to the community. Drilling down to the detail makes your fiction sing.
  
  
• There's always a spoiler.
  
  This is useful mostly when it comes to notes. A lot of new writers I know are so in love with their material that they're completely unprepared to accept any criticism. It's one of the reasons I don't read new scripts anymore unless I'm being paid to do it. But just as damaging are the outliers who'll take your stuff in a direction that it shouldn't go because they won't play the game. If you have a reader who has no concept of willing suspension of disbelief, then you're going to get notes that want you to explain everything. Including terribly unimportant things.
  
  In this case, I had to hold back several comments from people who wanted to immediately spoil the joke. Part of this is the culture of the 'Net...all the commenters who want to be !First! to say something. It makes me a little sad on the April Fools' tip. I remember childhood, pre-internet, when part of the fun was really not being sure for a long time -- maybe even a whole day -- whether what you heard was a joke or not. For all we've gained in our speeded up world, I think we've lost something there.
  
  
• Reward your audience.
  
  In the end, I decided to add the joke about the immediate reduction in CanCon request because, well, we all need a bit of gallows funny, right? In the end you need to give the audience the release they crave -- an ending that makes sense, a payoff of some sort. I hope my silly little joke did that for you.
  
  Of course, as my friend Mattypants put it, I could be here a year from now talking about CTVCanCorus AstralRogersGoogle GlobeEastWesNorthSouthMedia.
  
  Although if that's the case, I'll probably be sleeping on someone's cot down in Silver Lake. Maybe Encino.

Thanks to Jim and Dix for playing with me....Have a good day!

CTV and Global Climb Into Bed

WOW. IN HIS inimitable way, Jim Henshaw actually tipped this last night when he broke the story that the assets of the Naked News were being transferred to Canwest Global for integration into its news structure.

Turns out there was more than a grain of truth to that. But it's only the first wave. Global will be rebranding its 11pm newscast as Global National Naked News in an attempt to compete with the talk shows on the other nets, and specifically Jon Stewart on CTV.

That's a deal that's supposedly been in the works for a long time. But it's been supplanted in recent weeks by the financial woes and sturm and drang over the network trouble.

If my sources are right (and I have several in both companies) today at 5:30, Ivan Fecan and Leonard Asper will meet on a stage at Queen and John street to announce that Global and CTV are merging.

The new company, CTV CanGlobemedia, will own several stations that compete in different markets, which the CRTC has up til now considered a no-go (they forced CTV to sell the Citytv stations to Rogers when they took over CHUM, remember.) But the prescence of Moore at today's presser suggests that those kinds of regulatory hurdles have all been worked out. I guess they had a lot to talk about in those dozens of lobbying meetings before the CRTC in the last few months.
CTV CanGlobemedia is also going to announce a massive rebranding for its two national networks, CTV and Global, and here's where the big gamble comes in. There's going to be a shuffling of U.S. program assets between the two stations. The 11 o'Clock Global National Naked News is going to be the flagship of the new network, which is being called "Global Dude."
"Global Dude" is going to focus all of its promotional, programming, and advertising might on male-centred series, specifically those that appeal to the 18-49 male demo that has flown conventional TV in droves over the last few years.

Low cost, guycentric Comedy Network shows like Keys To The VIP and The Jon Dore Television Show should find new audiences and new exposure on Global Dude, along side some of the "tougher" crime and guy shows: The Unit, Criminal Minds, 24, Dollhouse, The Simpsons, Family Guy, American Dad, and two of the three CSI's.

CTV CanGlobemedia is also close to a deal where they will be simulcasting shock jock Howard Stern's morning Sirius Radio show five days a week from 7-10 am on Global Dude.

The third CSI, CSI: Miami, is being retained on the CTV network because of its high proportion of female viewers. CTV's U.S. program offerings are going to be aligned along a concerted and concentrated effort to appeal to Canada's female viewers. Global shows such as 90210, Brothers and Sisters, Bones, Project Runway Canada and The Office, will join CTV's heavy female favorites American Idol, Grey's Anatomy, Gossip Girl, Private Practice and the like.

Supposedly the sticking point that might have sunk the whole deal was both networks fighting over HOUSE. It's not clear who got that show. HEROES will go to Showcase.

Expecting a huge outcry from competition watchdogs and the like, CTV sweetened the pot by agreeing not to close the two local stations it announced it was closing last month. And the merged company will immediately offer stations in the money-sinkhole E! and A channel chains to community groups like the one being headed up by CHCH booster Donna Skelly.

It's thought that this is the sweetening the Government needed to sign off on pressuring the CRTC to rubberstamp the deal. The CRTC wanted to hold Hearings, but Moore indicated that Heritage was prepared to overrule whatever process the CRTC instigated to make the deal happen.

So today at 5:30, Moore will get up on the stage, flanked by Asper and Fecan, and say that they've saved local Television. Then, for the entertainment portion, Rockers Nickelback --- fresh off their massive Juno win, will perform a set said to "embody the spirit of 'Global Dude,'" followed by sensitive singer-songwriter Serena Rider and Nelly Furtado, who will "kick it for all the CTV girls." The event will be co-hosted by Rick the Temp, whose soft eyes make him a natural on his new home on CTV, beside Ben Mulroney, and Tanya Kim and Leah Miller, who'll apparently be hosting a new Friday night Wrestling show for the boys on Global Dude.
The show will also feature the first Live Remote from the Global National Naked News Team. They're going to have to figure that out by next winter.

CTV CanGlobemedia is expected to immediately petition the CRTC for a reduction in its CanCon obligations.

Beware the Moores

A COUPLE WEEKS AGO, The Honourable James Moore, Canadian Heritage Minister, made waves when he visited the set of CTV/CBS' Flashpoint. The meeting with the stars and writers was pressed into service by Heritage to make a special announcement, which turned out to be the creation of the new Canadian Media Fund, which is slated to replace the Canadian Television Fund in 2010.

Well, hang on to your hats, because Moore's canceled his schedule today and now there's supposed to be another big press avail and announcement in Toronto.

Toronto's Port Authority were contacted last week about using the old Rochester Ferry Terminal for the announcement, but that plan was discarded quickly, and no one gave a reason. That ferry terminal, of course, has served for the last two years as the backdrop and set for my ex-show, The Border. I don't know whether it's logistics that sunk the Ferry Terminal idea or something else.

Maybe whatever Moore's planning, the backdrop of a CBC show wouldn't be appropriate with all the stuff over the cuts still fresh. It's a pretty rainy day in Toronto, so their Plan B doesn't seem to make a lot of sense.

Supposedly now the whole thing's going down at the old CHUM building at John and Queen around five-thirty p.m. If you go by John and Queen right now, John Street is blocked off between Queen and Richmond street, and a stage is being hastily erected like they do for the Muchmusic Video Awards.

A friend of mine who works as an editor in the building also told me that bigwigs have been going up to the big executive suite on the fifth floor since about 8am -- including Ivan Fecan and Leonard Asper from Canwest. This sounds like it's something a little more than just strategy for the upcoming OTA hearings.

Shoes Dropping

LOT OF CHATTER coming out of Canwest yesterday about possible BIG CHANGES afoot. Apparently some major meetings going on. Now I hear from somebody I know inside the old AA building at Bloor and Church that this morning there was a group of "heavily made up women with cheerleader looks" waiting at 15th floor reception. They were all ushered into a big boardroom for a meeting, very hush hush.

Whatever can it mean?

Hamster Nation

CANADA HAS BECOME a rather dangerous place to have an opinion. Well, that is to say, some opinion. We're at a difficult juncture in our history. Our media is among the most highly concentrated in the world. We also currently exist in the shadow of an almost-constitutional crisis, precipitated by a minority government, supported by less than 35% of the populace, who still rules from a political playbook that brokes no dissent or opposition.

And we ban people from entering to speak. If enough people kick up a fuss.

I don't rightly agree with many of George Galloway's views. I say that first and foremost.

But I am made extraordinarily queasy by this. All of these things coming together at the same time make me fear that there is a hardening of orthodoxy and small-mindedness at work. That rather than embrace the world at large, we are fast becoming a people content to retreat into parochialism, so long as our U.S. stories continue to entertain us, and no one acts too self-important.

Heather Malick's an entertaining writer who gets herself in trouble sometimes. I've run into her a few times at various events in Toronto. I remember fondly getting squiffed with her on the patio at a packed book launch.

She says some things better than I could, and puts a bit of taste into my fear.

Banning this argumentative, energizing Scot will make Canada look even more like what we are rapidly becoming: a hamster of a country, petting and fattening its dullness, silencing dissent, mocking artists, musicians and anyone who's creative, or odd, or not entirely mainstream.

Governments with tidying, controlling tendencies are fanatical about two things: borders and loose talk. Travel and chatter — these are the things that make the right wing nervous.

The more they praise free speech, the more you come to realize that they detest it and would in fact like to put a pillow over your face, right there in airport Customs.

Free speech is no longer a cause. It is a weapon used against those who wish to speak by those who don't wish to let others hear it.

I wish to hear Galloway speak and not only because he speaks so well. I am ashamed of what this country is turning into, a humourless place that celebrates unreason and the subtraction of ancient freedoms.

It strikes me that whatever problems this country faces, they can't be solved by hearing fewer voices or opinions on a given subject.

My studies of totalitarian societies, and the haunting thing I took from reading Orwell's 1984, is that if you can control the conversation -- stifle it, then you can excuse and sweep away all manner of injustice, and finally, evil.

We are silent too much in this country. It's killing us as a nation. It makes me understand anew why the clever, the ambitious, and the passionate so often leave.

We All Have Our Troubles

DOMINIC WEST, the swoon-inducing star of HBO's late THE WIRE, was promoting the premiere of that show in the UK, and caused a bit of a fooferal yesterday when he complained about the state of UK TV drama:

"If you turn on American TV, there's a huge choice of nothing you want to see and, unfortunately, I think that's the case here now as well. I love costume drama, no one does it like the BBC – no one has the money to do it, first of all and, secondly, Americans don't have the history do it," West said.

"I thought Cranford was incredible but we don't seem to be able to do contemporary stuff. So we do it brilliantly but if you talk to any BBC producers, they abhor the fact ... they're dying to do The Wire and hate doing Cranford."

To Canadian Creatives caught between their American-envy and feeling of inferiority (except for the ones wanting to be "better" than the Americans and taking the first train to Pretentiousville to get there) it's liable to be bracing reading that, you know, things are tough all over.

From Kathryn Flett at the Guardian:

We're good on contemporary comedy, obviously – Green Wing, The Thick of It, The Office, Moving Wallpaper and Free Agents, to name just a few, have been entirely of their time. And it's easy enough to shout out a list of rule-proving exceptions in drama – I came up with my own 21st century shortlist in moments, encompassing State of Play, Shameless, Red Riding, Life on Mars, The Street, Criminal Justice, and Skins.

But a closer inspection of these undeniably fine works reveals two quasi-costume dramas (Life on Mars and Red Riding) and a couple of upscale semi-soaps (Shameless and The Street), which, given that Criminal Justice was entrenched in the insularity of its prison environment, leaves only Skins and State of Play to be definitively contemporary and zeitgeistful pretty much all by themselves, which is a bit of a burden.

Every country, every industry has its challenges. And how you're perceived elsewhere doesn't help to quell or defeat the zeitgeist or dominant feelings on your home turf.

But fuck me, wouldn't an ounce of honesty now and then be a good start?

Swanky New Digs & A Dead Things Contest

THE WRITERS GUILD of CANADA, after months of meticulous work, has finally launched a wholesale redesign of its website. The new site, at www.wgc.ca, streamlines lots of great stuff for members and non-members alike. If you're a member, you can now sign in and the site will "remember" you each time you return, giving you full functionality and access to the member only features like script registration, and Benefits and Retirement information.

There's also new stuff there if you're a producer or merely a curious member of the public, including the industry agreements that govern professional screenwriters working in English in Canada.

I encourage you to go there and kick the tires a couple times.

***

Now, that's prelude to one of the other things you can do on the site, which is buy tickets to the upcoming 13th Annual WGC Screenwriting Awards. The Awards, which celebrate the best in Canadian Screenwriting, will take place in Toronto on Monday, April 20, 2009. That's less than three weeks away. If you don't want to order the tickets online, you can use one of the manual ticket forms on the site and ... wait, I want to get this right... Fax? You can apparently "Fax" it -- whatever that is. You can also mail it or, presumably, deliver it by passenger pigeon or tamed zombie.

The Awards are traditionally one of the most raucous, fun events of the year. Way cheaper than the ACTRA Awards, Geminis, or the DGC Awards, the tradition calls for great food, lotsa drinks, and a nice, short show. This year there's a new, bigger venue (the place was packed last year) in Toronto's hip Liberty Village.

The Host is Geri Hall from 22 Minutes, who will apparently be observing Dalton McGuinty's 'five foot rule' at all times.

Like everybody else, the WGC and these Awards are feeling the pinch of the recession, and that's changed a couple things. Firstly, member tickets are now $45 in advance -- for up to two tickets at that member price. For non-members, the cost is $75.

At the door -- if there are any tickets left, that price goes up to $75 for members, $100 for non-members -- so it's worth it to buy in advance.

One of the other major hits the awards has taken this year was in Sponsorships. Usually the networks come in with some underwriting, but that's been thin on the ground this year. So it's not much, but I decided that I've done pretty well from this industry over the last couple years, so this year for the first time, the Blog goes where the Big Boys wouldn't. Dead Things ON Sticks is a 2009 Bronze Sponsor.

Beyond a handshake, that doesn't get you all that much -- but it does score you a couple of extra tickets, as well as a free subscription to Canadian Screenwriter magazine.

Now, as a member of the Writers Guild of Canada Council, I'm in the door anyway, so I've decided to offer these tickets gratis to two Dead Things on Sticks readers.

There's a catch, of course. There's ALWAYS a catch.


DEAD THINGS ON STICKS WGC SCREENWRITING AWARD
TICKET GIVEAWAY RULES AND REGS


In order to qualify for the ticket giveaway, you have to write something for me. You don't have to be a writer -- the job is open to any kind of broadcast industry professional.

You have a choice of two topics:

• My Daily Creative Process -- this is the topic of preference, most likely, for writers or aspiring scribes. You can be funny, disconnected and discombobulated, earnest, tongue-in-cheek, reflective, accusatory, weepy, manic, or even creepy (though I'd advise against the latter.) Remember the takeaway: it's fun if you offer some useful tip, hard-earned truth, or simple homespun advice about your secret for getting through the day without letting procrastination defeat you.
  
  If you're not a writer, or if your process is protected like the Colonel's 11 Herbs and Spices (ps. the secret ingredient is fear) you might want to wax eloquent on our other topic:
  
  
• If I Could Change One Thing About My Job --aha..the preferred topic of overworked production secretaries, P.A.'s, story coordinators, 3rd A.D.'s, Closed Captioners, Sales Assistants, Junior Publicists and Hobos. It doesn't have to be a slam-fest. Don't jeopardize your low-paying, low-status position. You can write about your job in the industry, or the job that you do to try and steal some hours to be creative while hoping that you'll graduate one day to having the latter pay the bills.

Obviously, these shouldn't be screeds designed as a cry for help or a settling of scores. Any essays of this type will be disqualified.

The essays (800 words max) can be submitted by email to heywriterboy@hotmail.com They should also include a description of yourself, up to 15 words in length, and phone & email contact information (which will not be shared with telemarketers, government officials, or online dating services) so I can get in touch with you. The subject heading should be "DTOS Screenwriting Awards Contest Entry."

HOW YOU WIN:

There are two tickets available. They will be awarded thusly:

ONE TICKET & THE CANADIAN SCREENWRITER SUBSCRIPTION will be awarded to the essay judged the best overall. The decisions of the Sticksville Judges is final, and involves a highly technical process employing super intelligent readers, helper monkeys, and a poultice made from the tears of unicorns. That essay will be reproduced in this space. The winner will also be entitled to be referred to at the awards as "the Squire of Sticksville."

ONE TICKET will be awarded in a RANDOMLY SELECTED DRAW of all entrants.

By submitting to the contest, you give Dead Things ON Sticks the right to reproduce any part of your essay.

There you go. Tickets are non-transferrable. To claim tickets, winners will have to show I.D. at the door of the awards.

DEADLINE FOR ENTRY is 5:00 p.m., FRIDAY APRIL 10th.

Good Luck to you all.

Friday Nights Bright

AUSIELLO was out on this alone for a while, but NBC now confirms that their DirectTv gambit with Friday Night Lights will continue -- two more seasons, 13 eps each.

NBC's sucking has an upside!

CFC Applications Open for TV Program

FOR THOSE OF YOU looking to get an edumacation in the scriptening game, the Canadian Film Centre's CBC Prime Time TV Program is gearing up for another year.

They get blurby like so:

The CFC’s Prime Time Television Program is recognized within the industry as an essential source for trained writers and newly developed projects for the television marketplace.

Through industry driven training our residents learn to write for episodic television in a collaborative story room environment, acquire real on the job skills, meet industry contacts and develop and pitch their own original series.

Deadline to apply is May 14, 2009. (Be advised, that's a Thursday.) You can find out information on eligibility, what you need to apply and more details on the program at their website.

Representatives of the program will also be on hand to answer questions at an Information Night, Wednesday April 8, from 6:30 to 9:30 p.m. As part of this info session, I'll also be doing a workshop on Deconstructions and Writing Specs.


For locale and to book a space (which is very limited) you should contact Valentina Puvtoska at the CFC

Two Point Oh Teen Webshow Goodness

COLLEAGUE JILL GOLICK has been exploring the world of web-delivered video content for some time now, and has written about it extensively on one of her blogs, Story2oh.com.

She's now debuting her next project, which looks like a lot of fun.

From the Press Release:

TORONTO, March 27, 2009 — Story2.OH and giraffesoft introduce Hailey Hacks, a series of web videos starring Toronto grade 6 student, Marlee Maslove. Hailey (Maslove) is the Hermione Grainger of web wizardry showing 8-13 year olds all kinds of cool things they can do with their computers.

“Kids have these very powerful machines at their fingertips,” says series creator Jill Golick, “but no one’s teaching them the incredible scope of what they can do with them.” The mandate of the series is to broaden tweens’ use of the computer beyond games, Google and YouTube to include the wider world of blogs, widgets, RSS feeds, social bookmarks and the amazing tools that exist on the web for creating, collaborating and communicating.

My standard rap on the future of web video tends to be that there's probably a 13 year old girl out there who has the secret to doing it right. Smart move, Jill... targeting the demo for whom Web Video is already no big deal, especially in the country that already seems to be an early and heavy adopter of the web video experience.

On the web: www.haileyhacks.com

Entertainment Doesn't Matter?

EXCEPT WHEN IT really does.

You might have read some stuff on this blog before about Louis CK. I've thought he was hilarious for a long time. I loved his HBO sitcom Lucky Louie. And I think it's bananas that finally, a talk show bit of his about how everything's amazing and nobody's happy has gone viral in the last few weeks.

In the midst of the sturm and drang in the culture wars and the cultural funding wars (you have to fight the latter in Canada to even get a shot at the former) it's easy to lose sight of the real reason to do a job like this. Why do you write a tv show? Why do you work in entertainment?

Because it helps people. It makes lives easier. Of course it's not as important as skin grafts or shelter-building or ensuring there's potable water and vaccinations for little kids...but when the trogs and the trolls come a-calling with their small minded bullshit, don't let them convince you that what you do isn't important, because it's "just entertainment."

From Louis C.K.'s blog about his best performance ever:

I have been warned, also, by many, to keep it clean. Not somethign I 'm great at. I've also been "taken aside" by some people, some the same who warned me, and they tell me "Look, do your show. Try to keep it clean but do what you do. This is for these kids." SO it's a little confusing.

I started to have other worries to. For instance, for the last six months I"ve been opening my shows with about five minutes about how everyone dies. Not really okay to say to a crowd of people that might die tomorrow and know someone who just did. SO I had to rethink everything.

The show started with the sargent major, who the men love, and who brought us all here. he made a boring but sincere speech thanking everyone and telling the troops to have fun.
Leanne tweeden, who emcees the show, made a long emotional speech about the troops this and the troops that and America loves you and I know what it's like to be away from home and all that.
One of the country singers (i'll give you their names later when i am coherent) went on and did about five songs. The crowd was appreciative. He also said a lot about how much america loves them and god bless and all that. The feeling I had from the crowd was "Hey, we didn't come here to be thanked. Do a show."

Then it was my turn. I had zero idea what I was going to do but as I watched the show before me I realized how politel it all was and that no one had said anything real at all.
I peeked at the audience from the stage door. eVeryone was wearing knit caps, parkas, gloves, everyone was shivering and stamping their feet. The performers were all wearing coats and puffy clothes. I was wearing a thick fleece jacket. As Leeanne said my name I muttered "Fuck it" and threw off the fleece. I went out into the cold night air (outdoor show int he middle of the cold cold desert, like being on mars) in my tshirt, just like any other show.
I hit the stage, not knowing what I would say first till the second i put the mike to my face. I looked at them all and said "how are you fuckers doing?" The place went bezerk and it became instantly plain to me what they needed and wanted and what I needed to do. "You people are in a very fucked up place. I mean, it's Kuwait, the dessert and right over there is a starbucks. I saw the sign and thought it would be a little tent with coffe, but it's a real starbucks! With the jazz music, the chess tables and the faggot with the laptop." They couldn't believe it. the laughs were enormous. I was filthy. It was awesome. People were going crazy. It was like looking out over choppy water. People rocking back and forth, punching each other, clapping, stamping. It was mayhem. Every time I went way over the line I would say "I'm so sorry. I am not supposed to be saying any of this. I"m so sorry. Am I in trouble?" which would only make them laugh more. The sargent major was in the front row, arms folded, surrounded by Colonels and whatnot. None of them laughing. All aroudn them were young warriors, men and women of all ages, laughing and cheering at things that NONE of them could think about saying on this base, EVER.

After a particularly over the top bit, i paused to let them rest. AS soon as there was quiet, a young soldier yelled out passionately "thank you sargent Major!" I was stunned. he was thanking him for bringing me there. and I felt also that he was helping me because everyone felt I was getting myself into huge trouble for their enjoyment. When he said it, everyone cheered. I said "You guys, the Sargent major is a great great guy. And what I love about him is he's just a soldier like all of you. He's not some asshole officer."
I cannot describe the reaction that this got. No one could believe I said it. They made a huge racket, a mix of "Oh my god!' "Oh shit!" and whooping and laughing. It was bannanas.
I did about 25 minutes and said "Thank you guys. Goodnight' Every single soldier lept to their feet and cheered. I yelled over them. "This is the best show I"ve done in years. Thank you thank you thank you!" I kept yelling thank you and they kept cheering. It was very very emotional. I had never felt that way on stage in my life. BEcause even in the best shows I"ve done for the largest crowds, they only laugh. These kids laughed with such relief, with such gratitude. I never made people laugh that needed to laugh that badly. It was amazing.

Back stage I was shaking. It was a stunning stunning experience. I stepped outside next to the stage and was immediately swarmed by young kids wanting a picture. I took hundreds or pictures as the next country act played.

Every single kid that came up to me said how badly they had needed the laughs. Most of them have been here for a year and will be here for another. they had all been "stop gapped" and were only in KUwait as a small break from northern hostile deployments. At least fifty of them said exactly this "I ain't laughed once since I got here last december. Can't tell you how much that meant, sir." they all called me sir.

It's not just soldiers that need that release. We all do. If that's your part in the toil, so be it. Do it with a clear mind and an open heart. And damn the naysayers. You're not doing it for their approval anyway.

Sooprise, Sooprise

REALLY, DOES THIS surprise anybody?

The Canadian Radio-television and Telecommunications Commission (CRTC) this week released statistical and financial summaries for the Canadian specialty, pay, pay-per-view television and video-on-demand (VOD) services industry.

Despite slumping economic conditions, the federal broadcast regulator reported that total revenues in the specialty television industry in Canada still managed to grow a very healthy 7.6% to $2.9 billion while profits climbed to a record $686.1 million in 2008.

Revenues in the specialty TV industry have now increased $850 million, over 40% in the last five years. The industry now records a lucrative 23 cents of profits on every dollar of revenue.

Interestingly, two companies reaping much of the profits in specialty television are CTV Globemedia, owners of over 30 specialty channels including Canada’s number one specialty network TSN, and CanWest, owners of over 20 specialty channels, who are now before the CRTC and the Conservative government demanding consumers pay hundreds of millions of dollars annually for a "fee-for-carriage" for their non-specialty channels.

Of the $2.9 billion dollars generated by the specialty television industry last year, $1.9 billion in revenues came from cable and satellite subscribers and $1 billion came from national and local advertising. English-language channels captured $2.4 billion of the total revenues, while French-language channels brought in $481.3 million.

Yeah, uh, don't worry. I'm sure the carriage fees you're going to soon be paying for even less content that might be different than what you see on the U.S. networks won't be too bad. And, you know, you didn't want a new Corner Gas or local TV coverage anyway, right? Yeah. Sit back. Don't kick up a fuss. Be Canadian about this. Just sit back and take it in the shorts.

By the way...observe how the story was played in the Financial Post, owned by Canwest:

OTTAWA -- As conventional broadcasters struggle with dwindling profits, a report issued yesterday shows the pay-television business in Canada is seeing growth in its bottom line.

They choose to lead with the conventional broadcasters' woes. Nowhere in the article linked above, written by Derek Abma, does the fact that Canwest is a large beneficiary in this increase in profits get mentioned. They also repeat that CRTC chairman Konrad von Finckenstein told the Canadian Heritage Committee that carriage fees should be considered, without contextualizing his full statement, that he thought this was not a long term solution to the problems facing the conventional broadcasters. That, by the way, is the spin that the much-maligned CBC chose to go with.

Gee, I wonder if that means that when the recession ends and advertising bounces back, they'll remove the carriage fees? Right. Because that's how it always goes.

Steve Janke in the Post offers a full-throated defence of his parent company's intentions re: local stations, here. It amounts to: trust us.

Nice to hear that readers of Canwest papers are getting all sides of the argument.

Meanwhile, the independent wire service Canadian Press, in their article on the increase in profits for specialty and pay tv, don't mention the connection to Canwest and CTV Globemedia either. 'Course, I'm sure that has nothing to do with the fact that CP is struggling right now, and may not want to piss off the 900 lb. Gorilla's in Canada's concentrated corporate media. Perish the thought. Total coincidence.

The Globe and Mail, print arm of CTV Globemedia, chose not to weigh in at all. They went with the CP story.

Aren't you glad you're being so well served by your concentrated corporate media? Imagine how great it'll be when all the local stations close! Oh Well, at least we still get to see Dancing With The Stars!

Sunday Sermon: If Da Bunk Can Do It, So Can You

IF YOU EVER watched THE WIRE, you were probably mesmerized by the performance of Wendell Pierce as Bunk, the long-suffering partner of McNulty.

So -- you at all curious as to what he's been up to lately?

Turns out, according to this nice little profile in the New York Times today, (article by Stuart Miller; photo by Cheryl Gerber) he's been in New Orleans, filming a roll in a David Simon pilot called Treme.

But he's been doing a whole lot more than that. The N.O. Native has thrown himself into the community rebuilding effort, trying to bring his historic neighbourhood back after Katrina:

In late 2007 Mr. Pierce discovered another project, this one in his own backyard. Pontchartrain Park, according to its neighborhood association, was created in 1955 by white politicians looking to maintain segregation. The neighborhood provided stability for working-class blacks, with ranch homes, wide curving streets and 200 acres of green space, including a golf course and later a Little League ballpark and tennis courts.

Before Katrina 92 percent of the neighborhood’s residents owned homes (nearly double the city’s rate), and only 10 percent lived in poverty (versus 28 percent in the parish of Orleans). Those who grew up there include Mr. Pierce; the trumpeter Terence Blanchard; Marc Morial, a former mayor; and Lisa Jackson, now chief of the Environmental Protection Agency.

But the neighborhood had the city’s second-lowest rate of posthurricane return. Many older, long-term residents couldn’t tackle rebuilding projects themselves.

“There were people talking policy at a 40,000-foot level, and everything was held up by policy conflicts,” Mr. Pierce said. Worse, he said, this desirable territory “was in the bull’s-eye” for developers. He fretted that they’d co-opt the area for wealthier (and likely white) residents. “My parents’ generation gave us this great upbringing, which is the foundation of our success. It would be sinful if we allowed this neighborhood to just go away.”

Mr. Pierce undertook a crash course, meeting with experts and sitting in on governance and technical sessions. He rattled off acronyms and figures, explaining mortgage credits or geothermals loops. “I’ve always been a quick study,” he said. “It’s part of being an actor, understanding the world I’m trying to portray.”

The redevelopment authority’s request for proposals received 15 responses, but Mr. Pierce’s was the only local group. Over three years his nonprofit corporation plans to build 350 homes, each likely to cost between $200,000 and $300,000; subsidies will reduce mortgages to as low as $125,000. Geothermal and solar heating and cooling will lower costs and earn mortgage credits.

“His folks lost a lot of memories there, but he is not just rebuilding; he is turning a page forward to what this place can really be,” said Irvin Mayfield, who’s on the board of the redevelopment authority. “It is hard to describe the amount of effort and time it takes to do something like that.”

Richard Monteilh, the executive director of the redevelopment authority, said that a celebrity frontman can accomplish a great deal, praising Brad Pitt, whose Make It Right Foundation has rebuilt six homes in the Lower Ninth Ward. But he added that Mr. Pierce is a more hands-on president.

A couple days back I wrote about Wendy Crewson, using her celebrity to try to bang the drum for indigenous work at a difficult time. Before that, I ran down the amount of Special Pleading that was likely to be at work in the cases made for "broadaster relief" at the CRTC and Heritage and elsewhere.

There are times when you can't let the developers have the neighborhood, and there are times when you can't expect the celebrities to do everything.

Driving home from a dinner party last night, I got into a conversation about the cycles of the business. My passenger and I both lamented a bit from the Toronto and the Vancouver experience of how when the U.S. crews are rocking the service projects, everyone thinks the party's never going to end.

And it always does, and people are left scraping. Now, the sheet starts showing a trickle of shoots coming back, and there's a powerful pull to forget how bad things have been, how recently. But that's a sign. It's a sign of what happens when you don't control your fate.

Of course, writers in Canada don't have that luxury. There is no 'service' work for us. If Canadian produced shows go down, we go down.

I know there are lots of writers who read this. And lots of producers besides.

Today I'm asking you to read of the example of Wendell Pierce, who saw an untenable situation threatening his family's home and neighborhood, and rushed in to fill the gap.

Today should be the day you fill the gap. Spend a few hours, find your MP's number. Call the constit office and ask for a meeting. Draft a letter outlining your concerns. Send an email to Charlie Angus on the Heritage Committee... explain to him why you think giving "broadcaster relief" from their CanCon obligations is a terrible step that's an overreaction to the problem that exists. Crib all you want from the Canadian TV posts here.

Most of all, today is the day not to sit back and let someone do your fighting for you. There is nobody else. There's just you.

Be the change.

Sometimes Things That Scare You

Are worth fighting for.

Keep It Together

MAN. THE HARDEST thing about all these CBC cuts is seeing the utterly predictable whisperings going back and forth as all the departments turn on each other. Regions vs. Toronto. Radio vs. TV. French vs. English. Children's vs. Adults. Younger Generaton vs. Older Generation, News vs. Drama, Fifth Estate vs. Everybody, apparently.

Discussions of who's more important and what's more essential at this point tears the fabric apart, and pulls on the thread that unravels the whole organization. You are under assault from without. Keep it together, please. And see how it plays out going forward. Turning on each other plays into the hands of those who'd take the whole shooting match down. There's nothing they'd like more.