Guest Post: "How Do I Be A Writer?"

DMc writes:

Allllmost back. One more day in the sun, reading books, not worrying about cold or words or concepts or the weirdness that is "the tv people." But coincidentally, I opened up my email box yesterday and saw the unmistakable signs of a writer expurging himself immediately post-project. This is a good thing -- cause the turn this blog's gonna take for a while is more tough love for the writer's soul. And I'm more than happy to lett Matt MacLennan kick that off.

Matt MacLennan is just finishing up a gig as a writer on a new CBC show called "The Wild Roses." He has also worked on Whistler, Billable Hours, and 15/Love, among others. Toronna, see ya tomorra. Over to you, Matt.

Ok, so I’ve been asked this a buncha times: “How do I be a writer?”

And my answer is usually, “Learn some god-damned sentence structure for one. You have the grammar skills of a dyslexic four year-old. Honestly… Oh what? Are you crying? Really? Crying? Cry all you want. Your tears bring me joy.”

Just kidding. I don’t say that. I’d be a prick if I said that.

I usually answer with nothing. Because I am a prick who fancies himself too busy to answer questions (that’s right, I fancy myself – obviously I’m a narcissistic prick).

Anyway, new policy. I’m answering the question.

For those of you who are writer/screenwriter/journalist friends, I would appreciate any input, feedback and even insults pertaining to this little project. Between all of us we should be able to come up with the ultimate list. Then we can go nail it to the WGC office doors just for kicks (it’s the closest thing to a church we have).


PART THE FIRST:

This first part is all about one thing.

Attitude.

The rest of the list I’m going to provide won’t mean a damn thing if you don’t get these things down pat first:

1. Write because you love it. Seriously. Think about what motivates you to do this shit. It’s a crazy job. Who the hell wants to talk to themselves and imaginary people all day in complete isolation without any promise of success? What are you, a glutton for punishment? If you love the whole crazy process fine but…

If you're after power, want your ego stroked, or enjoy manipulating and controlling fellow carbon based life forms then go have kids, take up S&M in earnest like you’ve always wanted or build and destroy a small nation … Whatever you do - please stay the hell out of the writing racket. Trust me there are enough self-serving assholes populating this little village of creatives already.

And for the love of whatever God you may or may not believe in – please do not do it for the glory. Eugh.

Generally speaking no one gives a shit about writers. They exist behind the scenes doing their work quietly, hanging out in the white spaces in between the words. People bitch about it but, in truth, that’s one of the best things about the gig – you don’t exist which is kinda magic. Enjoy being behind the curtain just like the Wizard of Oz did. If you step out from behind it too much then everyone will find out that we’re all schmucky, pale introverts pulling levers, tossing smoke bombs and throwing ideas at walls hoping they stick.


2. Pack a lot of intent – it’s a long haul to get anywhere. If you don't want to really really really write then don't. No, I’m serious. Otherwise you bust your ass for years and years, get good enough to achieve some kind of success, then you realize it's always a lot of work even when you know what you're doing (too much work if you don't love it) then you stop writing.

It's a waste of precious valuable life time. I’ve seen people do that. It’s a heartbreaker.

3. Bring a bag of focus - it's hard. It's going to take a lot of tenacity, drive and dedication even if you really want to do it. A recent study suggests that it takes over 10,000 hrs. of work (in a quality environment) to properly master any skill (which is about 5 years if you’re working at it something 40hrs. a week). And once you’re good you have to actually find a job which takes some time.

Dig in. Even if you’re good it’s gonna be a long haul.


4. Be a good person. I shouldn’t have to tell you how to do this. Your parents should’ve covered it but in case they fucked up here are a couple ground rules: be kind, treat others with respect, celebrate their successes, be honest, help, don’t suck up, endeavour to learn from people instead of judging them, foster the creativity of others instead of smothering it with your ego.

And don’t stab anyone in the back unless you want to find some steel between your own ribs one day.

I find writers are remarkably handy with a blade when retribution calls.


5. Ditch the torture. No one reading this is tortured. Thanks to the twin accidents of geography and history and the complete fluke that was your birth, you have been inherited the lifestyle of an entitled prince or princess - and not even because you deserved it.

Yeah, yeah, life’s hard, your parents didn’t love you enough, your ex is banging someone who looks just like you blah, blah. We all have our misery. If you’re selling yourself some story about your sad sack life or how you’re so hard done by then don’t be a writer. The “tortured artist” is a cliché that should’ve been deleted long ago.

Right now there’s a guy who earns less than a dollar a day to find land mines with a stick – he has the right to complain.

You?

You should shut the fuck up and get back to work.

Speaking of which…

Stay tuned for PART THE SECOND - a.k.a. PART DOS, a.k.a THE NEXT PART and a.k.a. WHY THE HELL AM I WRITING THIS INSTEAD OF WRITING MY SCRIPT?

I'm ready for part dos. What about y'all?

Guest Post: Behind The (Magic) 8 Ball

DMc writes:

It's a difficult thing, prognosticating. Especially when it comes to the Canadian media industry. Factor in consolidation, the fact that trends lag behind trends in the USA, and that so much is based not upon the production of intellectual property, but the exploitation of foreign-made intellectual property, and well, you get yourself a pickle.

But for more than thirty years, there's been one wise soul that's never shirked from giving an opinion. With Global laying off over 500 people, the woes of CBC ongoing, and even mighty CTV left shaken by the CRTC's turndown of the "free money" surcharge, we need someone to take a stand on where the industry is headed.

So today's guest post comes courtesy of that shining beacon of truth, the Magic 8 Ball. As is customary, I posed questions to Magic, rather than have him run off at the mouth. His answers are below.

Thank you for agreeing to speak to me today. Let's start with the obvious. Global seems like it's going through a rough patch. Will the company recover?

CONCENTRATE AND ASK AGAIN

Um. Okay. Global. Are these layoffs just the beginning, or are we going to see movement in a positive direction?

REPLY HAZY, TRY AGAIN

I sense that maybe that's not the best leadoff subject. Let's change tacks. Corner Gas is now in the middle of its final season. Do you think that CTV is ever going to find a show that matches its popularity?

IT IS CERTAIN.

Really?

SIGNS POINT TO YES.

Wow. I'm sure that's good news. I guess Ivan Fecan and his team really do know what they're doing.

BETTER NOT TELL YOU NOW.

I feel you, Magic. I feel you. Okay. I used to work at CHUM, back when CHUM was CHUM, and when I go there now, it just seems weird. Do you think that they'll ever be able to capture some of that old Znaimer-era magic in that building?

OUTLOOK NOT SO GOOD.

So if you were working there, would you advise sticking it out?

DON'T COUNT ON IT.

Ooh. Wow. Tough love. There it is. Hey, let's change tacks. Did you see Grace Park on The Border on Monday?

YES.

Pretty good, huh?

YES, DEFINITELY.

Yeah. I heard the ratings were, like, the highest ever for the show. 765 000 or something. I guess that was a good call, adding her to the cast.

IT IS DECIDEDLY SO.

Hey, have you noticed John Doyle's been a bit wacky lately? What's going on there, you think?

ASK AGAIN LATER.

Later? Oh, I get it. We still grabbing a beer later?

MOST LIKELY.

Nice. Nice. Let's see, what else? Oh, I know. So we're now in the second year of doing lots of pilots for Canadian shows. Do you think it's worth the expense? What do you think when you see a Canadian TV pilot?

REPLY HAZY, TRY AGAIN.

Funny. That's what they said.

WITHOUT A DOUBT.

So, Magic, listen, I'm sort of at a crossroads in my career here. I'm thinking maybe I'll do some of this, but then again, that sounds cool. And there's always the other thing. I know which one I'm leaning to. Here let me write it down. There. What do you think? Right call?

MY SOURCES SAY NO.

Wow. Really. But the money's great.

VERY DOUBTFUL.

You mean for the aggravation? The aggravation won't be worth it?

AS I SEE IT, YES.

Okay. Sorry, that was a bit personal. Let's talk CBC for a moment.

CONCENTRATE AND ASK AGAIN.

I didn't ask anything.

REPLY HAZY, TRY AGAIN.

Wait, I...

DON'T COUNT ON IT.

Hang on....whoa. Whoa! Man. A whole lot of pre-judging on that CBC question. Listen, all I want to know is, with that crazy, drive-a-truck-through-it-mandate and a diverse population, can the CBC ever be all things to all people?

MY SOURCES SAY NO.

What about under the Conservatives? How's the CBC going to fare over the life of this government?

OUTLOOK NOT SO GOOD.

Ulp. Okay. Um. Hey, here's one. License hearings start next year. Everybody's gonna traipse up to the CRTC. Do you think the private broadcasters are just going to try to get out of all their CanCon requirements?

YES.

Just yes? Anything more you can tell us?

YES - DEFINITELY.

That's depressing. Especially since, you know, that whole branding thing -- it seems like in the USA you have cable shows totally trying to distinguish themselves by creating their OWN programming, and nobody here has the stones or the courage to try and do the same thing.

VERY DOUBTFUL.

Think that's ever going to change?

BETTER NOT TELL YOU NOW.

Wow. You could be a network executive.

WITHOUT A DOUBT.

Okay, last question. Do you think my Don Cherry sitcom idea has any legs?

AS I SEE IT, YES.

You're the best. We should do this more often.

OUTLOOK NOT SO GOOD.

What's the matter? I hope there's nothing wrong.

DON'T COUNT ON IT.

I'm sorry to hear that. I noticed, your fluid is looking a little leaky. It's not serious, is it?

OUTLOOK NOT SO GOOD.

Man. That's...well, that's just...hey. Hey. It's not ... Cancer, is it?

MY REPLY IS NO.

Good. Cancer scares the shit out of me. I guess, you're plastic, so it probably wouldn't be cancer.

MY SOURCES SAY NO.

Okay, we're running low on time, so let's go back to the top. Global. Is the bloodletting over?

CANNOT PREDICT NOW.

What do you think the Canadian nets should do about the whole "fee for carriage" thing?

CONCENTRATE AND ASK AGAIN.

I'm sure they're doing that.

WITHOUT A DOUBT.

Okay, Magic. It was good to see you. Oh, hey. One more thing. Is Strombo here to stay?

YOU MAY RELY ON IT.

Guest Post: Calming and Still

DMc writes:

Today's guest post comes courtesy of Hidake Komatsu, who is a visiting Professor of Literature and Media Studies at Lakehead University in Thunder Bay. Professor Komatsu's specialty is Poetry, specifically the form of Haiku. Recently, while here, he attended his first CRTC Hearing, and said that the stillness and utter sleepiness of the affair shook him to his core, inspiring him like nothing since his trip to Joshua Tree.

Feel the penny stock
Drip value like Izzy tears
Hold me Goldman Sachs

Brent you leave us now
Dog River is more real than
Lloyd Robertson’s hair

CBC Front Street
Your façade promises much
Canada lives where?

Fear at the crossroads
Creative thinkers needed
Better call L.A.

Paper flutters down
Commission is in session
What do viewers want?

Comb over gavel
Angry French man dissenting
Free money not now

Time slots sprout anew
Homegrown show seeks fertile soil
Saturday at ten

Pretty P.R. Girl
Ponytail flaps with promise
No cover for you

Consider this truth
Shows you buy for their boldness
You will never make

Man in chair at home
Four channels show Knight Rider
How Canadian

Guest Post: Monstrous!

DMc writes:

Today's guest post comes from an old acquaintance. While not exactly friends, per se, Boris was a important influence on my life from a very young age. Until I ran into him at a Starbucks in Orlando last February, I hadn't seen him in years. But from 1971 to 1978, Boris served two terms as the embodiment of all my childhood fears, as the monster in my closet. Having followed my immigrant's path from the South Bronx to Rockland County, New York, to Florida and Canada, Boris was uniquely poised to track and trace the many anxieties that animated me in my most formative years. I've asked him to weigh in on my current locus of terror, the television industry. After some grumbling about the parameters of the terms, he agreed. He writes from his retirement home, a bright and sunny semi-detatched closet in Winter Park, Fla.


Hello. Boris NO LIKE TV......tv today TRASH and not fill with good FUNNY show. Make people laugh. Laugh make people more open to monster and NIGHT TERROR. Night terror GOOD. Monster go YAAGH! and do THAT THING with TEETH AND WAG FINGR. Boy shit bed. Boris laugh. LAUGH GOoD!!!!

Monster LIKE laugh. Good way to UNWIND end of day. WHERE George? George funny with parents who yell all time and say yadda yadda. George PERFECT for Monster. Kid himself into do MANY things. Never work out. Go work and be anxious at Yankees. See BIG MONSTER HEAD STEINBRENNER. Then kill girlfriend with poison stamps. Oh how monster laugh. GOOD TIMES FOR MONSTER!!!

TV today FULL of FLYING CAMERA. KEEP STILL, MONSTER want be SICK. Serious! Also Jack BAUER. Jack bauer attach electrodes and SHOCK people and people SCREAM. Why SCREAM? TV? No. NO SCREAM. Scream at MONSTER. But nooooo. TODAY, people WATCH show PEOPLE CUT UP & DO CREEPY STUFF. Monster jump OUT OF CLOSET and go YAAAGH! and boy keep playing Playstation Portable. WTF? Monster WORKING HERE. Boy not care. Boy watch CSI and CRIMINAL MINDS and JACkASS. Think MONSTER doing KENNY SPENNY.

Monster BLAME TELEVISION. TV Bullshit. And WHAT WITH SAW MOVIES? SERIOUS? Monster not HAVE that kind Special FX budget. GIVE MONSTER break. WOULD it KILL WATCH MORE shows FUNNY like GRACE & GAY GUY? That JACK. That FUNNY GUY. People GO BED happy. MONSTER get jump out and GET PAID.

And WHILE AT IT, let's talk JOSS WHEDON. Joss Whedon new show not good WELL. Network NOT happy. SENDING to FRIDAY NIGHT. You KNOW WHO DO THAT? MONSTERS!!!

That right. BUFFY, ANGEL, all that STAKING and making FUN. ALL THAT TIME. Joss WHEDON enemy of Monster. VANITY card "GRR, ARGH?" end of shows? PLEASE. Boris glad show fail. SUCK IT, JOSS. Monster SNEAK INTO CLOSET of FOX Execs, JUMP OUT whisper "FRIDAY." PAyBACk BITCH.

Joss WHEDON never understand HOW hard be MONSTER. Take CHEAP shots and EASY sTEREOtypes. MESSAGE all good EMPOWER women but what about MONSTER? Stereotype MONSTER no PROBLEM. Noooo. Make MONSTER look stupid. ENJOY FRIDAY NIGHT, WHEDON. YAaaaagHHH!

ALSO, ok WHEN we CALL EACH other monster. NOT YOU. YOU -- call us FICTO-AMERICANS.

While have floor, Boris also WANT talk PROP 8. WTF? California GREAT PLACE for Monster. Lead COUNTRY in PROGRESSIVE and GOOD THINK. Work HARD to help PEOPLE out of CLOSET. Make life better for people, but also MONSTER when CLOSET not QUITE SO CROWDED.

People fear so SIMPLE. Get older, MONSTER YAAAGH! not work. People scare DIE ALONE. Scare not BE ACCEPTED. Scare of LIFE no MEANING. Ritual IMPORTANT not just for PEOPLE. For MONSTER. CHOP PEOPLE UP and feed to RELATIVES, that HURT SOMEBODY. How allow TWO PEOPLE make LIFE COMITTMENT hurt ANYBODY?

Me VISIT YOUR CLOSET you VOTE PROP 8. FINALLY, children MORE SENSE. They NOT SCARE. TEN MORE years, silly FIGHT over. But STILL NOT MAKE IT RIGHT now.

Work for MONSTER today UGLY. Economy SO BAD. F BUSH. He not scarable. All JESUS. Do MONSTER take work GOING TO closet of CRACKER scare of OBAMA cause BLACK? HELL NO. IS two - thousand EIGHT. SMARTEN up. Also, RACIST closet usually FILTHY and full of fleas. JUST SAY.

If MONSTER WANT love OTHER MAN MONSTER, is MONSTER BUSINESS! NO ONE else. Why not JOSS WHEDON do show that? Stop picking on MONSTER!!! And MAKE FUNNNY. That SO HARD? And keep CAMERA STILL. And LESS MUSIC. MUSIC TOO SOPPY!!!!!!

In Close -- Whedon racist against Monsters -- Friday NIGHT payback. TV no good FUNNY go, MONSTER work WAY HARD. Harvey MILK die NOT FOR NOTHING. You PROP 8 ashamed. Look in MIRROR maybe ask yourself who REAL MONSTER?

YAAAAAGH!

Aloy...Aloeha...Byeeieiii!

WELL, THERE IT IS. I'm off down south for a week or so. Gonna read a few books, watch a few sunsets, slack a few slackings.

In the interim, I'll be leaving you in the hand of a very special passel of guest bloggers. Their unique takes on issues related to content, writing, and Canadian Television should, I hope, prove refreshing. Treat 'em nice, everybody, and I'll see you on the flipside.

A L'il Bit o' Monday Pimping: Rent-A-Goalie & Le Border

THANKS MUCH TO the interns from Karen Walton's ink canada Facebook group, who organized a lively and interesting get together of scribes both newly minted and old and dented at a Toronto watering hole yesterday afternoon.

A good time was had by all. I managed to meet one of the principals behind an intriguing show I'd like to know more about, Rabbit Fall, and put a face to the names of many people who have commented here in the past. I was also very happy to be able to introduce my friend Jeff -- a genuine, bonafide fan of Rent-A-Goalie to the redoubtable Graeme Manson, one of the guys who toils so hard to perfect that show's mix of smart whimsy and utter craziness.

On that subject, I encourage you to check out tonight's episode of Rent-A-Goalie (Showcase, 9:30 pm.) The insane world of the goalies of Cafe Primo smacks headlong into the world of professional wrestling, with TNA star Traci Brooks along for the ride. New RAG writer Josh Gal handles the scripting reins and by all accounts, this one's extra crazy.

Also, don't forget that Battlestar Galactica's Grace Park joins the cast of The Border, with tonight's episode. That's on CBC at 9pm. Watch one, tape the other. It's all good.

Style and Grace

ROB SALEM in the Toronto Star has a nice profile of Grace Park, who debuts as Special Agent Liz Carver on Monday's episode of THE BORDER.

"The pace is really fast. You probably have to watch it at least twice before you actually understand what they are saying. You kind of just get the gist ... you're riding the wave, but you don't really know what wave you are riding."

Born in L.A., but a Vancouver resident since the age of 2, Park is once again the transplanted American in her new role as Liz Carver, a Toronto-based U.S. homeland security agent all the way from Idaho.

"She's a good girl," she says, immediately putting considerable distance between it and her interim TV role – filmed as she was wrapping up Battlestar – as sassy sexpot intervention agent Akani Cuesta on the initial season of A&E's The Cleaner.

"(Carver's) dad is a Methodist preacher," she reveals. "You kind of find that out along the way. She had three brothers, so she kind of knows how to hold her own. She was the girl of the family, so she also obviously knows how to be feminine. But she doesn't want to be a guy.

"The girl is ambitious. She loves this job. She wants to do good at it, and she works her way up.

"But when the other characters are, like, `Tell Her Highness that we're ready,' you have an idea of how they see her."

This is the episode that my special guest blogger Will Pascoe talked about a few weeks back.

For those of you who care about such things, this was actually shot a bit out of sequence because of availability of our waterfront studio. So though it's the first onscreen appearance of Grace as Liz Carver, it's actually the second episode she shot.

Isn't TV magic?

Obama-era TV

ME AND JIAN discuss how TV might change under Obama. Paging the zeitgeist. Right after the awesome song by Serena Ryder.

Also, I find it disturbing that CNN's Campbell Brown seems to consistently think exactly what I think. Because, um, if we're going to share a brain anyway, why does she get to be the pretty one?

You are the ones who supposedly vetted her, and then told the American people she was qualified for the job. You are the ones who after meeting her a couple of times, told us she was ready to be just one heartbeat away from the Presidency. If even half of what you say NOW is true, then boy, did you try to sell the American people a bill of goods. If Sarah Palin is the reason some voters chose Barack Obama, that is no one's fault but your own. John McCain, as he so graciously said himself the other night, lost this election. He lost it with your help, your advice, your guidance, and yes, your running mate recommendations. And that is crystal clear to everyone, no matter how hard you try to blame Sarah Palin or anyone else.

Fork.

SO TONIGHT IS the wrap party for Season 2 of The Border. And with that, I shift from production writer mode back into the standard warren of the freelancer. From moldy office back to cluttered solarium. From jeans back to sweatpants. From [too much information,] back to [too much information]. I'm lucky. I have a couple of projects on the go that I can segue straight into. It'll be fun inventing worlds again instead of trying to replicate or reflect a vision that isn't necessarily your own.

I've told the same story to a couple of friends now, that Wednesday I walked around feeling all weird, and didn't know why, and sure -- there was a bit of Obama-induced-hangover in that mix -- but I realized mainly that what I was feeling was...rested.

I'd slept through the night for, like, five whole nights. In a row.

But ill winds still must blow. And one of the gusts over the transom was a really odd piece by John Doyle this week, that started out about the CRTC decision on unbundling, and no carriage fees, and then segued into the uselessness of the Geminis. What was odd was that right there, on the way, there was this strange little drive by:

Thing is, see, a lot of people who work in Canadian television - producing, writing, directing and acting in Canadian-made TV - spend a lot of time complaining about the lack of attention they get. They complain about Canadian broadcasters making money from simulcasting U.S. network shows. They complain about everything. Yet, in the case of their own awards program, they are happy to let the thing roll out in relative obscurity. It seems to me that they're perfectly happy talking to each other, reading each other's blogs, whining and telling each other how great they are.

Here's a piece of advice - get out of the house, stop blogging and reading blogs for a while. Leave the Facebook pages alone for a few days. Go talk to people who watch TV, not just the ones who make it. You'll probably find that very few of them have heard of your shows. You might also find that they're willing to watch if they hear that the show is really great. And they know it's great if it gets awards and attention. So get cracking on fixing your awards show.

Um. Well. Okay.

I confess, not really sure how to react on that one. And luckily I don't have to. Jim Henshaw has done so. And this seems to be new Jim. Jim is all restrained and stuff. It's weird. Perhaps he's gotten some rest, too.

What has gotten to me over the last while is the tension of trying to be in the industry and of the industry, and discussing the industry. There are plenty o' people who'll come up to me and offer wonderful unsolicited advice about what I should write, or write about. You even see it in the comments here, sometimes. Gradually, too, it seems that the substantive discussion has moved from my comments to my inbox. Everyone wants to dish the dirt -- just not where people can see.

Oh I get that. I do. That's the problem, you see.

The amount that I know that I can actually write about has been dropping pretty steadily for more than a year. It's been a weird summer in Canadian TV. If you're in the soup, you know what I'm talking about. There's heap big trouble down at mill. And to be honest, the solutions are problematic at best. More and more it seems that there are elements, stuff that I believe that I just can't say.

And that makes me wonder if this is just the natural lifecycle of someone going from outsider with nothing to lose to insider. I don't feel like an insider. It's ... weird. It makes me feel uncomfortable. You know, in my bathingsuit area.

This is a blog, not a journalistic outlet. And I'm confident enough saying what I say knowing that the utter lack or renumeration keeps it honest. But you should know that if you're looking for unvarnished truth here, you're probably not going to find it. I guess that's inevitable. The further down the road you go the more you have to lose.

So what I'm saying is, uh...stop asking. You want to be Deep Throat? Blogger can have you up and running in five minutes. My goal's the same. Try to help like-minded people create TV they're proud of, and shows they actually want to watch. Try to improve things for writers throughout this industry through dialogue, discussion, inspiration and attention to craft.

So, as I contemplate that shift from production writing back to development, I think maybe it's a natural time to take a fork, again. You'll probably start seeing more posts about craft and craft-related matters here, and less about the industry as a whole. That's where my head will be at as I start to work out new characters and stories and series ideas. Maybe I'll even finally be able to watch a bit more TeeVee. I'm down to a few hours a week now. It seems wrong, somehow. Like an Opera Singer who never practices and just listens to AC/DC.

One more thing. In his piece, Jim talks about the outreach and education efforts being undertaken by Karen Walton at inkcanada. I think community building is important, and informal and formal mentoring...and maybe some of those meetings with people just getting into the business is going to make their path through things easier than it was for me, or for some of the other bloggers and tv writers out there. I think that's a worthwhile goal. Your mileage may vary.

In any case, it's what I can offer. Hope you like it. And if you don't, I of course offer you a full refund, no questions asked.

Now. Where's that wrap party invite...?

Madder

BY THE WAY, interesting to see that in our latest totally non-scientific poll on the sidebar, just under half of the people who responded indicated that they wouldn't watch a Mad Men that wasn't steered by creator Matthew Weiner.

So there.

Logrolling Roundup: Nerdity, Press, and The Q

FRIENDS OF MINE from my days at Canada's SPACE channel have started a nifty new venture, a portal called Hardcore Nerdity which is worth checking out. (It's in the sidebar.) Yesterday they met with me along with Toronto Star Televsision Writer Rob Salem at an undisclosed location. (Okay, Okay, it was actually the Dominion on Queen Street East) to do an edition of their podcast.

The topic of discussion was the U.S. Election and its coverage, Presidents real and fictional, Canadian TeeVee and Michael Crichton.

Meanwhile, we're now at the point where I give interviews about stuff and totally forget I've done it. I think this one was from awhile back though, so that's probably why I missed it. Cassandra Szklarski compares and contrasts three prairie-set Canadian comedies, Less Than Kind, Corner Gas, and Little Mosque on the Prairie.

Interesting fact: so far as I know there's one guy I know who's worked on all three: Comedy Dynamo Rob Sheridan. Rob, as anyone who's ever met him can attest, is a veritable son of the open field. A corn fed, prairie loving, small town man of the people. Yessir. If you want to know what "real, rural Canadians" are thinkin' -- Sheridan's your man.

Anyway, here's a bit of my blather from the article:

Identifying the reasons for a boost in Prairie programming seems just as hard to nail down. McKinney suggests a ramped up rivalry among provinces trying to attract TV productions while McGrath posits larger forces at work.

"You've got to talk about what cycle you're in and things go in cycles," says McGrath, whose writing credits include "The Border," "Rent-A-Goalie," and "Across The River To Motor City."

"Right now, there are no shows that are really set in the Maritimes, whereas if you go back on Canadian TV screens maybe seven, eight years ago, there were like three or four series that were supposed to be coming out of Newfoundland."

He argues that today's political and economic climate encourages a shift away from shows set in Toronto, Vancouver or Montreal, especially in light of recent upswings in Western provinces.

"It's the place where all the money is, it's the place where the oil is and it's in many ways, the economic engine," he says, singling out Calgary as a new locus for the country.

"And then when you go to some of the other places in the heartland of the country ... it's not so different."

By the way, that's really true. I often posit larger forces at work.

Next, that Rick Mercer Report segment from the set of The Border is finally up on the YouTube. This is my favorite TV cameo ever because I'm mercifully, finally silent. And I love stories on how the gak works. Oh, and Director Brett Sullivan is dreamy. I said it. Please, to enjoy:



Finally, if you were so inclined, you could always tune in CBC Radio's Q tomorrow, where sometime in the 2nd hour I'll be talking about what President-Elect Obama, and the shift in U.S. culture he represents, might mean for the kinds of TeeVee you'll see coming your way soon. That's Q at its new time: 10am on CBC Radio.

Oh Say Can You See

YOU ARE THE NATION that I dream of.

You are the better angels of our nature. You bind up our wounds.

You judge the content of our character.

You are, finally, completely, the place where it is morning, always. You are the city on the hill.

No matter what the cost, you have a thousand points of light to guide you, and you will fear nothing but fear itself.

And I'm goddamn proud to stand with you.

Yes. We can.

And in the words of one of your better (fictional) presidents:

"What's next?"

Let us resist the temptation to fall back on the same partisanship and pettiness and immaturity that has poisoned our politics for so long. Let us remember that it was a man from this state who first carried the banner of the Republican Party to the White House – a party founded on the values of self-reliance, individual liberty, and national unity. Those are values we all share, and while the Democratic Party has won a great victory tonight, we do so with a measure of humility and determination to heal the divides that have held back our progress. As Lincoln said to a nation far more divided than ours, “We are not enemies, but friends…though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection.” And to those Americans whose support I have yet to earn – I may not have won your vote, but I hear your voices, I need your help, and I will be your President too.

And to all those watching tonight from beyond our shores, from parliaments and palaces to those who are huddled around radios in the forgotten corners of our world – our stories are singular, but our destiny is shared, and a new dawn of American leadership is at hand. To those who would tear this world down – we will defeat you. To those who seek peace and security – we support you. And to all those who have wondered if America’s beacon still burns as bright – tonight we proved once more that the true strength of our nation comes not from our the might of our arms or the scale of our wealth, but from the enduring power of our ideals: democracy, liberty, opportunity, and unyielding hope.

For that is the true genius of America – that America can change. Our union can be perfected. And what we have already achieved gives us hope for what we can and must achieve tomorrow.

Yes.

Be Good to each other tonight.

The real work starts tomorrow.

CTV's The Bridge & Global's Pilot Slate

CTV HAS JUST ordered eleven episodes of a new scripted series called The Bridge. From the release:

Based on the insights of veteran insider and outspoken former Toronto police union head Craig Bromell, CTV has ordered 11, one-hour episodes, following the production of a two-hour pilot shot in Toronto last summer. THE BRIDGE provides an unflinching look at the struggle street cops face as they not only battle criminals - but also their own bosses - in order to protect society and, ultimately, themselves.

Produced by Barna-Alper Productions, an Entertainment One company, 990 Multi Media Entertainment Company and Jonsworth Productions, in association with CTV, production of THE BRIDGE is scheduled to begin in 2009.

THE BRIDGE becomes the third, new original drama series to be ordered by CTV in the last year, joining last summer’s breakout hit FLASHPOINT and THE LISTENER, currently in production.

“Craig Bromell is one of the most galvanizing figures in the history of policing in Canada,” said Susanne Boyce, President, Creative, Content and Channels, CTV Inc. “We look forward to working with him on THE BRIDGE, and bringing to Canadian audiences a distinct and authentic view of life behind the scenes of a modern police force.”

“We set out to make the most realistic two-hour movie drama about cops ever seen on TV, and it has paid off,” said Craig Bromell, Executive Producer, 990 Multi Media Entertainment Company. “We expose the inner workings of a big city police force - the police, power and politics behind the blue line. It’s something that hasn’t been seen before on TV, and we’re grateful to CTV for this opportunity..”

Written by five-time Gemini Award winner and six-time nominee Alan Di Fiore (DA VINCI’S INQUEST, THE LIFE, THE HANDLER), THE BRIDGE peels away the veneer of a big-city Canadian police force to reveal the political machinations underneath. After the rank and file unanimously vote street cop Frank Leo (Aaron Douglas) into office as union head, he begins his quest to put street cops first and clean up the force from the ground up.

But the old boys’ network running the police force and the city’s self-serving politicians are not about to sit idly by while a former street cop makes up his own rules. Frank walks a thin blue line as he battles wiretaps and a concerted campaign to bring him down, letting nothing stop him from fulfilling his unwavering vow that when cops are in trouble, the union will be there.

There's a lot going for this project, starting with DiFiore and Fawcett. They've also assembled a great cast -- Aaron Douglas was the Chief, and usually the heart, of Galactica, as well as Ona Grauer (who was originally in Flashpoint before the role was recast, post-pilot, at CBS' behest) Inga Cadranel (Frannie on Rent-A-Goalie) and Frank Cassini.

I have to admit, I'm a little uncomfortable with the glorification of Bromell. I think it's great that CTV acknowledges that he was a 'galvanizing' force, but that's kind of an understatement.

His tenure as union head of the Toronto force was controversial in the extreme. He headed up the Operation True Blue campaign, and was contemptuous of civilian oversight. Yup, he fought for his cops, and they loved him for it. But there was much about the man's methods that sent a chill through portions of the city.

One time, when I was worked at CityTV, I found myself leaving work one day in the midst of a Bromell-led wildcat strike. As people left the building, they were treated to catcalls by dozens of police -- some in uniform -- waiting outside. It was the single most sinister thing I've ever been invovled with; really, really upsetting. Seriously, you have no idea what it's like to be catcalled and harassed by dozens of cops. Brrr. I've never really felt the same way about the Toronto Police since. (Before that they'd come to my assistance a couple of key times in my life. I try to give them the benefit of the doubt, but...man.)

But here's the thing: the writer in me, the TV guy in me, rather than being turned off by that, is attracted to it. Because it's frightening, and edgy, and potentially explosive. And very, very real. I find the prospect of a show with Bromell's involvement incredibly exciting. That impulse, the "oh, man, I don't know about this..." could just be lightning in a bottle. We've seen the "thin blue line" done from the outsider perspective. Here's the opportunity for a show that could be exciting and different. I'll sure as hell watch. It will be interesting to see if they can keep it from being an in-the-tank hagiography of Bromell. If the creatives and Bromell can keep it from being too one-sided, if they allow his Douglas-inspired doppleganger to be the anti-hero he should be rather than an apologia for a misunderstood cop, well, this might just be the most exciting Canadian TV series ever. Imagine the fights in that story department! The discussions, the arguments, the back and forth? We could use our own version of The Shield -- where Mackey is both disturbing and sympathetic. If they can bottle that? Wow.

And imagine the publicity tour.

Meanwhile, Canwest has released new details about those upcoming drama pilots they ordered last week:

The one hour drama Shattered, a Force Four Films Ltd./Blueprint Film and Television Ltd. production to be shot in B.C., will be directed by Bobby Roth (Prison Break). The roster of acting talent confirmed today also includes Callum Keith Rennie (Californication, Battlestar Gallactica, Hard Core Logo) as the series lead, Kyle Logan, an ex-cop with a multiple personality disorder.

I was worried that Global might get scooped on this because of My Own Worst Enemy. But that Slater-vehicle on NBC doesn't look like it's lighting any fires, so maybe there's hope for this. I love Rennie. I'm really enjoying him in Californication right now.

EDIT: a commenter below says he's read Drew's script for Shattered and it's great. Awesome! Now all they have to do is not screw up the execution somehow!

David Wellington (Would Be Kings, The Eleventh Hour) directs the House of Films Inc./Four Seasons Productions Inc. drama Clean, to be shot in Toronto. Ben Bass (The Eleventh Hour, Law and Order, Queer as Folk) is cast in the lead role Bobby Gould, an addiction counselor with Tom McCamus (Shake Hands with the Devil, Queer as Folk, Slings and Arrows) confirmed as a series regular, Dr. Wilson McKenna, CEO of Happy Valley Treatment Facility. Sonja Bennet (Young People F(*)cking, Control Alt Delete) plays Caroline, one of Bobby’s colleagues.

This pilot shot out of the same Production Office complex as The Border. Wellington's a good Director, and the script is by a really interesting playwright named Adam Pettle who's branching into TV. I'd need to see this one I think. Could be great, could be depressing and airless. If it's funny, I'll like it better. This one's all about the execution.

Luke Kirby (Tell Me You Love Me, Slings and Arrows, Mambo Italiano, upcoming feature Labor Pains) takes on the role of the lead character, insurance adjuster Jimmy Burns, in the Whizbang Films Inc production of Lawyers, Guns & Money.

Clark Johnson (The Wire, Homicide: Life on the Street, also an Emmy nominated director on The Shield), joins the production as Walker Hearn, a retired cop and Jimmy’s unofficial mentor alongside Carole Cave (The L Word, Regenesis) as Angela, a company lawyer. Steve Bacic (The Guard) is Pavel Korkov, an ambitious local gangster who clashes with Jimmy. Ken Girotti (Mayerthorpe, Rescue Me) takes the directorial helm of this production which will be shot in Hamilton, Ontario.

I ran into Girotti at the Geminis, night 3 (ohgod) just as he was winding down prep for this shoot. He was stoked -- and extremely happy being able to shoot The Hammer for the Hammer, which I am all over. It's a GREAT locale for a story like this. Johnson's a get, and though I haven't read it, I hear the script by Malcolm MacRury -- who's also picking up buzz for the upcoming ZoS. Wonder what they're going to do about Bacic if this gets picked up -- I don't imagine both The Guard and this show, shooting thousands of miles apart, would be able to juggle shoot schedules so he could appear in both. (Besides the fact that it also extends the "same 10 actors in every Canadian show" problem...)

There's also another pilot called The Prodigy, that also has John Fawcett attached, but no other info.

One quibble about the Global release. They've been talking up the need for strong showrunners -- they even established a showrunner training program -- but guess who gets left out of the release? Sigh.

Still, point is, all of these shows sound promising. Of course, a million things could go wrong in the production process. Such is the nature of our collaborative medium. Still, I'm pretty juiced to see every one of these.

Could this be a taste of better things to come?

Stay tuned, citizens.

Thanks to TV, Eh for the releases.

CORRECTION: 01/10/09 - an earlier version of this story identified John Cassini (Robson Arms, Intelligence) as part of the cast. The Bridge actually stars Frank Cassini, his brother. Apologies for the error.

Dixville Notch 15-6 For Obama

WELL, IT'S HOURS before we'll know in the rest of the country, but in the symbolic first area in the USA to vote (minus absentee and early, I guess) it's a landslide. Fifteen votes for Obama. Six for McCain. In a town that hasn't gone Democrat for a long, long while.

It feels like the Night Before Christmas. And so, if you'll indulge me. There's this:



We all have a lot of work to do. And if you're in the USA -- first task is not to forget the final step.

VOTE.

The Hockey and the The Border

NOW IT CAN be told.
If you tuned in Saturday night, November 1, to Hockey Night in Canada for the Leafs-Rangers game, you might have been surprised to see a rather unconventional opening that served as probably the first ever Hockey Night in Canada-The Border crossover episode.

A producer at HNIC approached The Border team with an idea and a basic script involving Slade and some wayward NY Rangers.

After a couple of passes by Greg Nelson and our story department, our half of the bit was shot late on a Friday night after the day's wrap.

Since we were filming Ep.12 at the time -- my episode -- I stuck around as Director Brett Sullivan guided Jonas Chernick, Graham Abbey, and James McGowan through the bit.

I don't think it's spoiling anything to say that I read the offstage Don Cherry lines. (The Man himself was shot separately.) It's extremely freeing being Don Cherry, especially late at night. I suddenly got the pink suits, and the high collars, and oh so many things. We did a couple of takes, and sure, it was sloppy at first but these were good Canadian kids shooting the bit, not those dodgy Europeans, and it all worked out fine in the end, though Producer David Barlow was last seen mumbling about going five-hole on somebody over the overtime.

I think my Cherry got better by the end, but let's face it. There really is no substitute for the real thing.

Oh, and James McGowan practically had to be restrained to not throw in something about the Habs. A good Montreal boy shilling willingly for the Leafs?

Not gonna happen. Even if National Security is on the line.

Anyway, whatever Slade did, it worked, since the Leafs beat the Rangers 5-2.

If you'd like to watch the HNIC "Border" opening, click here.

And from here, I'll let La Chernick explain it:

Under "Choose a Category", click on "Hockey Night in Canada".

Then double click on "Full Events".

You're looking for HNIC Nov. 1 - NY Ranger 2 at Toronto 5. As of this afternoon, it's the fourth window down. That may change. Click on that window and...

The video should start playing. Our segment is right at the beginning, but keep watching to the 4 minute mark to hear the somewhat stunned commentators' reaction to the piece, which is VERY unconventional for Hockey Night in Canada.

There you go.

Tune in tomorrow on Cross-Platform Promo Theatre, when Rick Mercer visits the set of The Border, learns how to get shot, gets roughed up by Nick Campbell, and hopefully doesn't make too much of an ass out of me and Brett Sullivan.

The Promo:



Mercer airs tomorrow night, 8pm on CBC Television. Don't forget, a new episode of The Border airs tonight at 9pm. And next week, Grace Park (Battlestar Galactica) joins the cast!

Dexter, Twitchell, and Feet: A Messy Rumination

I FIRST CAME across this on Will's site, but man, it's still a pretty freaky story for good old boring Canada...

EDMONTON — In a case police call a diabolically cruel convergence of art and life, local filmmaker Mark Twitchell will appear in court tomorrow charged with first-degree murder.

The 29-year-old fervid fan of the psycho-slasher TV show Dexter is accused of luring now-missing Johnny Altinger to a garage and killing him in a scenario that resembled Mr. Twitchell's latest film project – in which a man is abducted, tortured and hacked to bits.

“We have a lot of information to suggest he definitely idolizes Dexter and a lot of information that he tried to emulate him during this incident,” alleged Edmonton police homicide Detective Mark Anstey.

Dexter, a program on the Showtime network, follows Dexter Morgan, who studies blood spatters for Miami police but leads a secret life as a serial killer, hacking up victims in the name of vigilante justice.

One recent comment on Mr. Twitchell's Facebook social networking site noted he “has way too much in common with Dexter.”

None of the allegations against Mr. Twitchell have been proven in court and he hasn't had an opportunity to respond to the charge against him.

Now, of course, will inevitably come the "see, see what happens?" kind of stuff from the usual suspects who want to pawn human behavior off on external triggers rather than whatever internal soup that potentially lives in each of us. Oh, and make political hay. See, even in the comments of the article you get the predictable culture war spin:

All part of the creative Art that we support with taxpayer money. It is a subliminal cancerous parasite to our youth. Free marketers rejoice. The CTV GM uses censor to stamp out objection of creative entertainment or brands it right wing intolerance.

And so on, and so forth. Though I don't buy into that sort of reductive, "see, that's why we should censor" kind of thinking, there are some elements in this story that should give creatives pause.

First, there's the fact that the guy went into film. Obviously at one point he thought the fantasy of it all was enough for him. But it wasn't. A business that trades in illusion attracts marginal people. And what do all those marginal people really think, and do? Maybe there is something to be said for us being a little more vigilant, or at least engaged with each other. When fantasy seems to be creeping over into mental illness and dysfunction, then what?

On the other hand, he did come up with a way to solve the Canadian film publicity probl...

...Sorry. Sorry. I know. I'm a terrible person. That's a terribly insensitive joke to make.

The one truth I know is that most of the people I've met in film and TV are capable of murdering nothing more than a plate of nachos or maybe a case of beer. They're generally very lovable, sweet people. And nine times out of ten, the ones who can come up with the dirtiest joke, or the most twisted plot point, are, in fact, the polar opposite of what you would expect. The sweetest people come up with the sickest shit. It's just the way it goes.

See, that's where the idea of catharsis is very poorly understood. The idea behind a lot of horror films, or thrillers, is that you use the audience's sense of mounting tension to give them release. The release that comes from confronting fear in a good horror, or your anxiety in a thriller, allows you expunge those feelings -- and even enjoy them. It's a very old and primal impulse. It's why we like telling ghost stories around the fire.

But there are some people whose brains just don't work right. Let's take the example of this guy in the article. It's reported that he's a big fan of Dexter. So am I. But clearly he's getting different lessons out of Dexter than I am.

When I watch Dexter, I see a character who is sick and driven to kill, but tries to struggle against his impulses by killing only those people who harm and do evil to others. He fits neatly into the trope of the avenging angel. But that's a simple, one-level interpretation of the show. That's not what I enjoy Dexter for. What really intrigues me about Dexter is the fact that what it's really about is a man struggling to be human, and to transcend the darker parts of his nature. TV and film storytelling push things to extremes, in metaphor. So we have the ultimate other -- a killer -- and we try to see what in them is human.

This is contrasted by the other impulse -- that you're going to see in spades as this story develops -- where we try to de-humanize the killer -- to talk of his "evil," and describe him in terms like, "monster," or "lunatic." By denying his humanity, we'll also try to seek comfort by saying, "there is nothing like that inside me."

But the reason why we all keep watching, and making, and discussing these entertainments is because that's not true. We know, at some level, that genetically down to the last neuron, there is no difference between him and us. How do you deal with that, finally?

Well, some of us do it by watching things like Dexter.

I don't mean to issue a blanket kind of defence of the whole thing. I'm a pretty liberal guy, but the whole SAW like genre of fetishized torture-porn is something that I just don't understand. To me it doesn't push any of the buttons that a good horror is supposed to push. It's more like the one time in my life when I watched a foot fetish video. (editors. they collect things.) The experience was so weird because you could clearly see the film grammar at work, all set up and deployed to make this seem like the most erotic thing ever. And it wasn't. It was just...a bunch of feet.

When Mark Twitchell watched Dexter, I wonder, really, what was it that he saw? Cause I know we're not seeing the same things.

Ah. See what I did there? I made him the other. Just went there, totally naturally. Man, that's easy to do.

Humans be complicated.

(And yeah, I've left it out to the end, because hopefully it goes without saying, but what a horrible human tragedy, and I hope his friends and family get through it okay. I just don't think they're likely to get any answers, or comfort, unfortunately. That's just never how stories like this work in the real world. That's why we turn to fiction: because in dreams we can make things make sense.)

Time to Get Your War On

Get the latest news satire and funny videos at 236.com.

From 16 to 44

ABRAHAM LINCOLN SAID:

"I am a firm believer in the people. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis. The great point is to bring them the real facts."

The "real America" is dying to speak with its true voice. And if past is prologue, this won't be the first time the worst president in history was followed by the best.

Take a look at 15, then gird up and get ready to go out there tomorrow.

One more sleep.

The One Good Thing

TO COME OUT of Sarah Palin's questionable ascendancy.

Mocking Sarah Palin paid off.

Following Fey's devastating impression of the Alaska governor and last month's slew of Emmy wins, the return of NBC's "30 Rock" was given a serious drum roll this fall.

Thankfully for the network, the comedy burst back into the spotlight strong: Thursday's "Rock" premiere hit series-high numbers. The comedy was seen by 8.5 million viewers and earned a 4.1 preliminary adults 18-49 rating -- up 21% from its debut last year. The show was also aided by the primetime edition of "Saturday Night Live" warming up its time period the past few weeks.

Meanwhile, the real Deal Palin continued to embarrass herself and McCain yesterday, by showing that she fundamentally doesn't understand the function of the first amendment.

As Glenn Greenwald puts it:

According to Palin, what the Founders intended with the First Amendment was that political candidates for the most powerful offices in the country and Governors of states would be free to say whatever they want without being criticized in the newspapers. The First Amendment was meant to ensure that powerful political officials would not be "attacked" in the papers. It is even possible to imagine more breathaking ignorance from someone holding high office and running for even higher office?

You know, it occurs to me that even Liz Lemon would be a better candidate for Veep than Palin.

The book that's written on this election ten years from now is gonna be a doozer.

The Big Empty

THIRTEEN EPISODES DOESN'T seem like a lot. I mean, most U.S. shows still do twenty-two. That idea of "the back nine" is daunting in and of itself.

Long ago, when I was a younger, exploited story producer for a lifestyle information show, we used to pump out thirty-nine episodes a year. That's only thirteen weeks off. A year.

I had energy then, oh yes. Energy and pluck. And I hadn't yet gotten to the point where I figured out that going out and interviewing people wasn't nearly as fun as making the people up and then making up what they had to say.

As I write this, the crew is probably lighting or blocking the last scene of Episode Thirteen of The Border's second season. The best thing about this season for me was spending more time on set and getting to the point where I enjoyed it. Yes, it's very enjoyable to sit in a chair and watch people work hard all around you.

But it's worth it for the kibitzing. It's worth it to go on long disquisitions with the Third A.D. on how the tail-based economy would work (Surmising an alternate future where humans had retained functional tails.) It's worth it imagining the D.O.P. as the host of a late night call in show entirely obsessed with all things tea, and tea related. It's worth hearing about how to flip houses, or hearing about the A.D. who convinced one of the actors she'd been savagely beaten by a prop bat. It's worth writing a video scene set in a trapped submarine, expecting a flat and lighting and arriving to set to see a whole goddamn sub corridor, lovingly designed, and built. Had I known I would have written more there.

It's worth seeing people working at the top of their game and feeling lucky that you can play in that sandbox, too.

Especially when the alternative is your little veal pen of an office, where it's been freezing cold after being boiling hot all summer, where the internet is always down, and you have to pretend that everyone can't hear you when you're on the phone. I won't miss that office, that's for sure.

But packing up that little banker's box today made me realize anew that there's not many jobs where you get to get sick of your office and then go back to working from home for awhile till you get sick of that, too. Variety is the spice of life and moving from development to production and back is a nice bit of spice for me.

Then there's a hug from the Producer's Assistant and a handshake with the Producer that threatens to turn misty and you think, "Wow, when did I turn into a character on Party of Five? Walk it off, doof."

A few months ago another writer passed on a phrase he'd picked up from the showrunner of Dirty Sexy Money. "Your career is the stone on which you sharpen your integrity." I've thought of that a lot the last few months. I'm looking forward to getting back to talking through what that means on the blog here. More craft stuff. Let's get it on.

So here it is, Hallowe'en night. The last few months have been joyous and scary, and frustrating and revelatory, and filled with laughter and camaraderie and neurosis and insomnia and sneezing and teethgrinding and all manner of wonder and oddity.

And now it's done.

That's a wrap. Ahhhh.

What's next?