This is the real groanworthy stuff, and there's not a pro writer out there that doesn't have a miserable time when they find themselves taking one of those jobs because you need the money.
But why, specifically, is it such a pain in the ass? Well, Alex takes a stab at explaining it with a nifty carpentry metaphor:
A dialog polish is like slapping paint on a cabinet or dresser. It makes it look better. But it doesn't make it work better if it's not working right. If it's not working right, you have to take the thing apart, usually all the way, and recut or replace some or all of the pieces, and then put the whole thing back together again before you paint.
Likewise, if an aspiring writer asks if I'll write with them, then the answer is almost always "no." I'll consult, or I'll do the writing myself, but I can't co-write with someone who's not a pro writer.
I find that once you start using carpentry metaphors talking to producers, they start to understand better why you can't "polish" an amateurish script, or "co-write" with an amateur. Try using this metaphor yourself, let me know how it works out.
Whole piece is worth reading; and it has a nice takeaway that may or may not work the next time you have to have an awkward conversation about doing a "polish" on something.
7 rumbles:
you won't get far with carpentry analogies if you declare that Jesus was into making Crosses.
What a mindless, thoughtless remark, Denis.
Do you have some intellectual justification for that?
No doubt you can make one up!
Yeah, a pretty good one.
It's a song by The Hollies from 1973, you idiotic gasbag. How 'bout you and Joe Clark get that boca timeshare and torture each other to death already, hmm?
Sweet silver angels over the sea
please come down flying low for me
One time I trusted a stranger
'cause I heard his sweet song
And it was gently enticing me
though there was something wrong
When I turned he was gone
Blinding me his song remains reminding me
he's a bandit and a heartbreaker
Oh but Jesus was a crossmaker
chorus
He wages war with the devil
a pistol by his side
And though he chases him out my window and
won't give him a place to hide
He keeps his door open wide
Fighting him
he lights a lamp inviting him
He's a bandit and a heartbreaker
oh but Jesus was a crossmaker
etc.
Y'know, Jian and George would have gotten the reference, you fucking tool.
you're quoting song lyrics as if it were shakespeare - wow you do have something in common with those two adolescents!
Taking life lessons from song lyrics by the Hollies.
What next?
Jesus was a crossmaker is still not explained. Historically accurate?
Or he caused his followers to be crucified and so the crossmaking business went BOOM?
You haven't explained anything because you don't have an answer.
Your headline is justified because the Hollies said it?
I had the impression you might have actually gone to school.
In what way was Jesus standing around making crosses for other people to be nailed up on?
It's a sick and offensive remark.
Can't see past your own nose, Denis?
Hope I'm not disturbing your furniture polishing.
Are you planning to varnish the truth?
Hoo Jesus. You really are the embodiment of everything wrong with the internet aren't you, troll? Alrighty then. Don't get the metaphor. Add it to the pile - culture, broadcasting, socialization ... bud, I can't begin to varnish anything, cause you've clearly huffed it all.
In the immortal words of O'Donaghue, "Get Cancer."
G'nite.
I was just watching Sunset Boulevard today. One minute you're agreeing to do a polish, the next you're face down in a pool.
And it reminded me that, "All right, Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up," was in a list of "Greatest Movie Lines." But the real power of those ten words comes from the character saying them and the circumstances under which she says them. A "dialog polish" isn't going to make it a great movie if there isn't something for it to build off of.
Wow, Allan. Somewhere a douche is looking for its nozzle.
I didn't get the reference either, because I'd never heard (of) the song before. But, OY!
I'm siding with Denis here, on the strength of the rudeness militant alone.
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