Coming Clean, or Fiasco A-Go-Go

I WAS ALL SET to see 2010 in with a post about things I think -- just maybe -- we should be paying attention to in TeeVee this year, but alas, life got in the way as it tends to.


But I hope you'll really enjoy my Plan B.


Discovered these on Funny or Die.  It's great. It's Denis Leary in a rather unsentimental fashion discussing his "oeuvre."


Y'know I've had the same conversation with a few people over the last couple months and it basically goes like this:  we don't admit disasters in Canada.  Fiascos. That which just. does. not. work.


On my train down I heard a repeat of a This American Life show about a grade school production of Peter Pan that went so terribly, horribly awry that in the middle of hearing the story told, host Ira Glass had to stop taping because he was guffawing in such an out of control, unseemly manner.


It happens.  Things suck. Things that we went into with hearts pure and that had all sorts of talent behind it and just somehow utterly, completely unravelled.


I mean, look at Leary:

Denis Leary Remembers Denis Leary Movies - watch more funny videos

Great, huh? Wait. There's more.

Denis Leary Remembers Denis Leary Movies Part II - watch more funny videos

Too often we rob ourselves in this country of just celebrating the suck. How can we ask people to give our shows a fair shake when we won't admit when something just.....didn't.......work....?

Now I've learned over the year that I can't criticize too much on this blog shows that get made, and in a weird sort of way I've come to think that's kind of fair. I can't both be of the industry and expect to be able to offer an opinion about something to cut it down or do it harm.  I might be the guy with the show waiting in the wings with the show to replace it, after all.

So I try whenever possible to just...not talk about stuff that I think is bad and when I think something is good -- even if it's not perfect, but worth watching, I will shout it from the rafters because I think that does good for all of us and I can't abide being one of those people who can't praise others' work.  For me to succeed you do not need to fail. I think we need to collectively run those people out of town on the rails.

But for 2010, among friends, in the circle, en famille, I'm going to start being a bit less politic about something that's good for this region or that, or somebody who's talented and need a break.  Hey, if I can't say that I really think Bruce McDonald made some dodgy movies for awhile, then what impact can it possibly have when I say HOLY SHIT PONTYPOOL SCARED THE PANTS OFF ME and I loved, loved, loved it?

There has to be a statute of limitations, right?  Right?

You know what?  EXOTICA sucked. I don't get that movie at all. I know everybody loved  AWAY FROM HER and Sarah Polley's a national treasure, but Holy God I thought I was going to swallow my arm on that one.  And don't get me going on the WWI movie...

Anyhoo....look....I don't want catty or bitchy...but to start the new year, you, you pseuds, you commenters -- tell us a story from the vault.  Let us celebrate and giggle over fiasco! with the knowledge that we all make them, we all have the scene we wrote badly, the miscast part, the bad set, the compromise that killed, the ridiculous production or location fall through that turned a maybe into a massive shitshow.

Do you dare to clear the decks, chase away the bad creative karma for the new Decade by coming clean and sharing the best of your bad lot?

That's right.  YOUR bad lot.  Something you did that just.... wellllll....you know.

Let's do it.  For once, I'll go LAST.  Have at it.

And just by point of reference remember that everybody starts somewhere.  Back in the old days, when MTV showed videos, here's how everyone got their first taste of Denis Leary.  I remember when these came out, they landed with the force of a bomb, so incandescent was Leary's polarizing cool.

Denis Leary - MTV PROMOS - watch more funny videos

Happy 2010.  Now let's bring them fiascos into the light so that they may light our way to better creative karma in the new year!

and in an unrelated note, does anybody know why Blogger's all of a sudden doing this weird fail on the line breaking thing?

Listless in 2009

THE WEIRD THING of course, is that I'm usually right into the list thing.   I was that guy from High Fidelity for many, many years.  And on this blog, I did three year-end lists of the things that inspired me in the previous twelvemonth.


But the basic truth, and I know this will seem familiar to many of you, because it's something I've heard a lot of lately -- is that this year, I'm tired.  Just about the time I realized how tired I was, the decade lists started appearing -- and that made me downright exhausted.


I didn't join into a single, "you know, the Sopranos really debuted in 1999 so it's not really a show of the last decade..." arguments.  Usually that's kibble to me.  Fatigue can't explain it all.


I won't be sorry to see 2009 go.  It was a difficult year for me, and for many of my friends and relatives -- both personally, and professionally. Maybe the mojo from a decade sputtering out finally caught up with all of us.


So when I try to discern and delineate the things that inspired me this year... I have a tough time.  I got Top Tier on my Airline Miles.  That's never happened before.  I shall enjoy my upgrade certificates and doubtless nod sagely at all sorts of jokes in UP IN THE AIR that regular folk don't get...


...But I wouldn't call that inspiring.


The year started with work -- a difficult freelance assignment which I fully intend to write about with self-deprecating humility when the show finally airs. But that won't be a for awhile yet.


The career presented a whole host of choices in the first quarter, and against my better judgement, I went with my heart...and got royally burned.  But I'm proud of the work I did and treasure the experiences I had. And except for one bar fight I probably should have let unfold as God intended, I regret nothing about that time.   There's still professional stuff that I can mine for Canadian writers -- stuff about Contracts and things that I fully intend to write about ... it's just finding the time to order it so it's positive, affirming and helpful rather than a bitter shitshow.


It's not like 2009 didn't have its fun parts. A whole month off in the summer -- I haven't had that for five years and it was wonderful.  I got to spend time in NYC with a couple of my favorite people, and saw a great play, GOD OF CARNAGE.  


I got to spend more time with family this year -- my parents, Uncles, Cousins whom I never see...  and lo and behold, the year ended with one development project proceeding in a fine direction and another project appearing to challenge me in ways that I've never worked before.  So on balance, the narrative of the year isn't a negative one at all. 


But there's all these Goddamn LISTS...


And then ... A decade.  God.  Ten years ago I wasn't writing full time.  I was an unhappy television producer deep in the belly of network beast, seeing from that side just how little original production was respected, and how crazily and topsy turvy the talk would get from buyers who really thought that they were geniuses for going down to the L.A. screenings and watching TV.    


(*I should say that there are some very, very key exceptions to this attitude -- some programmers I know that were lovely people with great enthusiasms and infectious laughs.)


But see, being inside the network at that time was like living beside the magnet. The magnet distorted the natural order of things. The magnet made people who traded on the creativity of others seem more important than me, writing my little plays and trying to get out.  


But I wised up and got away from the magnet. And everything changed for the better.


So it's not a list per se, but maybe I'll just close the year by doing the thing a blog's supposed to do: pull back the personal curtain and hurtle into the overshare.


Here are some of the people who make one crazy writer's life bearable in the year 2009 and hopefully for a long time beyond:


Robert Sheridan is one of Canada's finest comedy writers.  He's smart and meticulous and committed.   We joke sometimes that our conversations are a race to see who can depress the other first, but really, we both share a healthy level of respect for professionalism and contempt for the lack of same.  If it's worth doing, it's worth doing well. I know if I ever read a Rob Sheridan script, I'm going to read a story that sparks and makes me laugh out loud at least twice.  And that's pretty fine in this world. He's a good ear, a loyal friend, and a fabulous enabler.


Peter & Diane Mohan are kind of the Den Father and Mother of a whole generation of Toronto (and sometimes outside Toronto) writers.  Diane is patient and wry, and puts up with -- well, I don't know how she... well, anyway... and Peter counsels restraint and shares his knowledge freely. He's the first guy to go to for advice.  And he's the best example of how to shake it off when the shitshow gets you down.


Howard Bernstein was my first boss over twenty years ago in journalism.  I've been waiting to try and put into practice the things he taught me about managing creative people for a long time.  This year I finally did, and they worked great, and had the situation been a bit different, it would have been glorious. But I'm convinced that the man did not offer a bum steer. And now, finally, after a long career in journalism, you can read his tough, uncompromising insights into what's going wrong with TV news at his blog.


Shelley Eriksen is not just a wonderful writer with a will of iron and a heart of fire, but she's also free with sharing her experiences both good and bad.  I would work in her story room in a heartbeat, and she will always have a place in mine.


Matt MacLennan was a guy I only knew socially before this year, but I've grown to appreciate not just his talent and his passion for the job but his loyalty and his passion for trying anything new.  In fact, before it gets sloppy, I should probably just group and come clean right now about all the writers I have terrible talent crushes on -- from Daegan Fryklind and Dennis Heaton, to Karen Hill, Elan Mastai, Anne Fenn, Wil Zmak, Susin Nielsen, Brent Butt, Geri Hall, Mark Farrell, Paul Mather, and Vera Santamaria.  Jason Belleville --  who will not let you go without making you laugh, Jocelyn Cornforth, Alex Epstein and Karen McClellan -- who also work the McGrath help line in regular shifts -- as well  as pretty much everyone I've ever gone to a writer brunch with.  


And then there's my friend of over twenty years, Mark Ellis. And suddenly, we can talk shop. Funny old world.


Then there's Karen Walton.  I can barely look directly into her eyes, such is the incandescence of her drive and her talent.  As an organizing force, a project juggler and a professional she is the gold standard and our industry's lucky to have her.


I should also put the shout out to the great Jim Henshaw and Will Dixon.  Aside from the fact that we all blog, Jim and Will and I have a rolling conversation via email that I wouldn't trade for anything in the world.  You wish you could read this shit. But you can't. In the words of the Daffy: "Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine!"


I also have the great fortune to serve on the WGC Council with a group of wonderful writers who do everything they can to try to make things better for our cohort in Canada: Chuck Lazer, Anne Marie Perotta, Sherry White, Jill Golick, Andrew Wreggit and WGC's President, Rebecca Schechter.  Hearing about the experiences of fellow travellers from all across Canada have hopefully made me somebody who doesn't live and die with that deadly "Toronto Focus."  And Sugith Varughese comes in regularly to keep us up to date as the WGC rep on the Actra Fraternal Benefit Society board. If you have money in that insurance plan, trust me on this one, you owe Sugith tapas, minimum.


Anyone who reads this blog regularly will know of my deep and abiding respect for Maureen Parker, Exec Director of the WGC.  Extend that same respect to Kathryn Emslie, who along with her Staff & Chairman Slawko Klymkiw keep the CFC humming.


And then there's the guy who's advice I turn to almost every day, my agent Glenn Cockburn.  Glenn's a man with vision and good humor to balance out the ambition.  God I hope I'm like that, too. That's kind of what I'm going for.


There's another agent -- well, Ex agent, who I admire and who inspires me intensely -- Elana Trainoff. For those of you not under the tent.... Elana used to be the Toronto based agent for The Alpern Group, after years working at the CFC.  But Elana recently decided that her dreams needed following, too.


So she quit and joined the FREAKING PEACE CORPS.


Admit it.  Your whiny little stuff and complaints seem small now, don't they? Mine sure do. THAT shit is inspiring, fullstop.


Oh, gosh...what about Diane Wild, who somehow runs TV Eh? as a hobby and shames the Canadian PR Corps in the process?  Or Editors Mr. MatthewPants Esquire and Jeffy, as well as new denizen CJ, who line my booth at the Paddock quite well, thank you. And Laura who will serve, sling and abuse.  Lisa's doing a good job of that too, lately.  


My world may be small, people. But I know what I like.


Anyway, there it is.  Inspiration.  People who make it possible for me to do what I do.  I'm sure there are many, many others. But it's growing late in the day, the sun's setting and a Florida sunset the night of a Blue Moon is something I won't deny myself, New Year or no.


Be safe and well and let's hope all our dreams soar in 2010.  You are all better looking than you think.


Happy New Year
Denis McGrath
Orlando, Florida, 12/31/2009

Carriage Fees: The U.S. Version

IT SHOULDN'T SURPRISE you to know that nothing in Canadian Television happens in a vacuum.  And so it is with the Cable TV - Broadcaster fight over "carriage fees." Or as KonRadvF (which I am hereby decreeing the Chairman of the CRTC's new "internet" spelling. Why? For the lulz, of course) would like to frame it:  "value for signal."


The Value for Signal proposition has been proceeding rather more quietly in the United States up til now.  CBS successfully negotiated a fee for programs with cable operators a few months back.  


Now all that's changing.  In a number of high profile markets (including the one where I'm currently parked, Orlando) carriage agreements expire December 31st.


And FOX is leading a push that might seem very familiar to Canadian viewers of the "Local TV Matters" "Stop the TV Tax" ads of the last several months.


The New York Times has a pretty good article on the lowdown. The upshot is that FOX is pushing for way more than anybody's ever gone for before -- up to a dollar a subscriber.  And that's resulted in a mini-version of the ad campaign Canadians have been seeing for months, catered for every market.


You can see some of the pics I took of the FOX-sponsored ads as they appear in recent editions of the Orlando Sentinel.  Elsewhere in the Times article they have the same ad, purposed for Time Warner Cable.


There are some key intriguing differences in the American-style fight that you have to understand going in, though, too:


1) Nothing's mandatory.   One of the points that the Canadian Cable and Satellite providers raised at the recent hearings that was actually quite valid was that they are required by law to carry the Canadian networks.  So they rightly turned about and said, "you can't make us carry them, and expect us to pay for them."  That would mean cable had no lever to negotiate. The Canadian networks could literally charge whatever they want.  In the U.S. system, cable is not required to carry anybody.  Even though fights like the current one have happened before (though never for so much money - a buck is a big jump) they usually get resolved because there IS pressure to both sides to come to a deal.  Customers want the channel because there's lots of programs on it that they like; cable wants to give the customers what they want so they can retain subscribers and keep their service valuable.

2) Affiliates -- The U.S. networks are a mix of what are called "Owned & Operated" stations and Affiliates.  "O&O's" are exactly what they sound like.  ABC owns several stations in major markets, CBS the same, etc.  Sometimes it's easy to tell, because of the station call letters:  WABC, or KNBC, for instance.  Besides the O&O's though, there is a large network of stations owned by smaller broadcast groups -- who pay to "affiliate" with the network for access to their programming, promotions, etc.  On these stations there are "network hours" where the advertising revenue is split between the nets and the local stations, and local hours, where all the ad money (and the responsibility to fill the airtime) goes to the local stations.  (Ie: local news hours, game shows or syndicated off-network sitcoms, etc.)


As I understand it, Cable started giving money to affiliates to carry their feeds years ago.  And now one of the fronts in the fight is the originating networks asking for some of that money back, since it's their marquee programming that makes those local stations valuable to carry.


In Canada, the nature of the "affiliate" culture went by the wayside a few years ago.  Now Global and CTV, and (mostly) CBC depend on stations that they own outright.  It's a different culture. (Very different, when you consider CTV, who once upon a time had a completely backward structure --  powerful affiliates with an anemic central network)


3) Tone of the ads -- if you're somebody into reading Tea Leaves, this is the most interesting part of the fight. First, in the FOX corner -- look at what they're threatening to pull.  Those are some programs. There really *is* a value to that signal.  


You now start to see the hole that the Canadian nets dug themselves into, after all those years of consolidation, cutting local shows and putting their entire focus on centralized schedules that relied almost completely on American shows.  It's not that framing the debate as "Save Local TV" was the best move. It's that it might have been the ONLY move.


But the difference that really matters is on the Cable side.  Last night I saw a Bright House ad responding to the FOX ads.  You can view the same spot on their website here.  It was calm, reassuring, explained that this was business, and it happened all the time and that nobody's going to lose their signal come New Year's day and they'll reach some sort of agreement just as they always do.   The print ad tries to make the same point, in much the same way.


Notice -- no hysteria, or histrionics, or "Stop the TV tax!" stuff.  (Although Time Warner's got a bit more heft in their RollOverorGetTough.com site...)  They know the value of their product -- and they also know that their business model's way more secure than the Networks' though for the next little while the fortunes are both are inextricably linked. 


Of course, this being the United States, somebody's also figured out a way to sue.


FOX is playing high stakes poker here, and going for a big grab, but the reaction isn't anywhere near as OTT.  I don't know what could possibly explain the cultural difference, except maybe that what we saw in Canada was two industries that are used to going to the CRTC and getting whatever they wanted, in terms of "goodies bestowed" from on high.  Maybe this is one of those cases where you don't pull out the grenade because you know at some point you're gonna have to shake hands and solve it yourselves. And it's harder to shake somebody's hand when you've just blown it off.


Or maybe I'm wrong, neither side will blink, Florida viewers won't get to see the Sugar Bowl, and the Panhandle will be burning by Friday.


Stay tuned -- if you can!


UPDATE:  lookieloo. they have a deal.  See?  It's possible. Think KonRadvF is on the phone yet?

Watching 2.0

HAVE YOU GIVEN any thought to how much "watching TV" has changed for you in the last decade?  Jill Golick has.

BitTorrents arrived on the scene in 2005.  The pilot for Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip got leaked onto the web during the summer of 2006. Remember that first bootleg pre-air of Studio 60 that was passed from writer to writer?  It was so exciting.

That same year,  “pre-airs” flooded the net and we watched nearly the entire American season before it launched.  It so cool.

Around the same time, torrents brought me a whole new world of British tv series.  I  used to feel like I had the contraband watching Shameless, Skins, Jeckyll.   It was like being a global television citizen.  Although, UK, US and Canada hardly a globe makes.  I still haven’t gotten to know much of the Aussie product and there’s that one German cop series that has been discussed and blogs and yet the torrent for it remains elusive.  Still, the world is wider and I imagine that twenty ten will widen it still.

I'm working on a new post that'll go up, oh, um.  Well. Sometime.  Yeah. Sometime.


In the meantime, here's Jill.

Up and Comers

I'M STILL doing the inter-holiday hibernate special. But Cassandra Szklarski, of the Canadian Press has an article about some of the new Canadian shows that are coming up over the next few months.  Szklarski is a regular friend of Canadian creatives in the reporter class -- she's always doing articles like this.  

There may be a chill in the air, but things are heating up on the tube as several new Canadian series prepare to launch in early 2010. From the long-awaited return of the Kids in The Hall to a sexy adaptation of the Giller Prize-winning book "Bloodletting & Miraculous Cures" to a potty-mouthed Jason Priestley, there are plenty of homegrown series on tap for those snowed-in nights.

Good for her. And maybe for us, too. These shows sound pretty offbeat and interesting. Read the rest of the article here.