I Hope Ted is Spinning

DEAR ROGERS,

You suck.

You completely, totally, utterly suck.

It was bad enough last summer, when it took about nineteen phone calls and two visits just to get my parents' big screen HD TV set up.

But here I sit in St. John's NL. I bought your super sports pack. All I want to do is watch the Blue Jays Boston game in the BG as I write. But I can't. Because after a stupid corporate fight, you've made your stupid, childish corporate deal to get TSN2 on the air --everywhere BUT in Newfoundland. And the Super Sports Pack blocks out the game, because TSN2 has the rights. Even though they're not actually showing it.

So I can't watch it. Even with the box, even with the package. Even though you OWN THE GODDAMN TEAM.

You know, when Canadians complain about Toronto, and not being included, and people having their heads up their asses, this is the kind of thing they're talking about. Just, FYI. You have terrible, legendarily terrible customer service. Every customer interaction with you is a nightmare. Last night, technical support cut me off four times. Customer service had no answers. They never do.

Oh, and while we're at it, you completely fucked up CityTV when you bought it too. So congratulations. Enjoy your money, enjoy your subscribers and tax breaks and regional monopolies.

But know this: you completely, totally fucking suck. I hope your wires corrode and your executives all quit and go to greener pastures. I hope your every future business venture collapses and burns. I hope that somewhere, one of your top managers suffers torment for every hour I have spent on the phone with you in the last 25 years, trying to straighten some stupid thing out because your evil, stupid, boneheaded corporation sucks so very hard.

My parents, when they go to Florida, get their cable through a company called Bright House Networks. They always answer the phone. They fix things right. They don't send out subcontractors who don't know what they're doing. They don't transfer you and cut you off. They don't sell you high speed bullshit and then throttle your connection. The mobile section doesn't not know what the tv section is doing. It doesn't take four phone calls to get your bill consolidated. Your Mom who's been paying the cable bill since 1977 doesn't get told she's not authorized on the account, and "you should get your husband to phone in and change that." Your HUSBAND. In 2008.

No, it takes a special kind of fucked-up, Enron-level degree of fucktardery to so completely, utterly, and totally frustrate and alienate your customer base.

Fuck you, Rogers. You suck Donkey Balls.



Hey there Bell Canada, what the @$%* do you think you're smirking at?